Well, this girl’s Halloween costume just won the Internet. Instead of dressing up as your typical princess or ballerina this year, little Lainie decided to keep it real. I mean, really real. Like, so real I thought I was looking in a mirror.
I bet you think you’re really funny, LAINIE. Just wait until you’ve had three kids and 37 hours of labor and stretch marks and haven’t slept properly for nine years and all you’ve managed to nourish yourself with is reheated coffee and French-fried onions you stress eat directly from the can while hiding from your family in the pantry wondering where it all went wrong. Let’s see how you look then, LAINIE.
Oh, sorry. Where was I?
Right, this adorable little girl decided this year she was going as an exhausted mom — dark circles, vomit on the shoulder, messy hair, and all. She’s holding one kid with another clinging to her leg, a move most of us seasoned mothers know all too well. She capped off her look with the standard issued mom uniform of sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Which is funny because it’s true.
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I brought my son to school last week in my pajama pants. I drove all the way to his school before I realized I never actually changed out of my pajamas. (What can I say. I work from home. There are days I never get out of my pajamas. How could something so wrong feel so right?) I didn’t have time to drive home and change so I had to go into his school and drop him all the while he yelled to everyone we passed, “Look at my mom! She is in her pajamas!” I would have given anything for a pair of sweatpants to magically appear.
A family friend shared Lainie’s classic costume on Facebook, and it’s quickly becoming a fan favorite. It’s already garnered over 180K likes and 22K comments since Saturday. If there was an Internet costume contest, I’d say little Lainie has taken top prize. And reading some of the comments, it’s nice to see as a population we moms still have our sense of humors intact. Even if by Lainie’s estimation the rest of us are a hot mess.
I, for one, am a big fan. Any costume that can make people laugh is a plus in my book. I have a feeling this little girl and her mom will be killing it for many years to come.
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If you’ve got a daughter at home who’s obsessed with LEGOs, is a DC Comic fanatic, or honestly just loves the world of blocks but is sick of building castles, carriages, and beauty salons, boy do I have some good news: LEGO is creating a new line aimed to engage female superhero fans everywhere.
Meet the DC Super Hero Girls!
Image Source: LEGO
With Super Hero Girls, LEGO takes some of the most iconic DC superheroes and super-villains and reimagines them as students at Super Hero High. And while I’ll be honest with you: I’m not super stoked about the high school setting (why couldn’t we have just gotten Wonder Woman?) I am looking forward to buying each and every one of these kick ass characters for myself.
Er, I mean my daughter. I’m buying these for “my daughter.”
According to LEGO, the Super Hero Girls like will feature 11 female DC characters, including the aforementioned Wonder Woman, Batgirl, Supergirl, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, Bumblebee, Flash, Eclipso, Lena Luther, Lashina, and Mad Harriet. And while LEGO already has a DC Comics line — featuring the likes of Batman, Robin, Catwoman, and Bane — this will be the first “girls-only” group (aside from “Princesses” and “Friends”), making their development and creation all the more important.
According to the press release: “[The aim of] DC Super Hero Girls [is to] provide children with a relatable world filled with aspirational characters, immersive stories, and action-packed missions that inspire girls … to be smart, courageous and empowered to be an everyday Super Hero.”
Image Source: LEGO
Everyday super heroes who just so happen to be badass ladies, I might add. And that’s honestly refreshing, given the fact that female superhero toys are few and far between. But if the last few years have been any indication, it looks like the toy world is finally stepping up its game. More and more companies are emerging that offer girls new options when it comes to playtime — not just frilly dolls and pink kitchen sets. We now have a slew of companies creating STEM-focused toys like GoldieBlox, Roominate, and the start-up company Wonderhood, which all encourage girls to think outside the box and challenge their building skills.
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And it looks like big brands like LEGO are stepping up to the plate, too. Speaking with Babble, Amanda Santoro, Senior Manager of Brand Relations at LEGO, shared that the company is focused on creating toys that “build character, confidence, and empower girls to discover their true potential,” and Super Hero Girls embodies just that.
“It’s important to inspire children of all ages to be smart, courageous, and confident,” says Santoro. “There’s a Super Hero that exists in every child.”
Image Source: LEGO
Each of the new LEGO characters will also be featured in a series of animated shorts, TV specials, online games, and an app (because toys just aren’t toys without an app). What’s more, the first play sets in the series — which were unveiled at New York Comic Con earlier this month — will be available right before the holidays. Batgirl and her Batjet, Harley Quinn, and Super Hero High will be in stores and online on November 27, while future figures and sets will be released in January 2017.
Now that Halloween has (just barely) passed, the holiday shopping season is quickly approaching. Black Friday is known for the madness that occurs every year, but every day of shopping between Thanksgiving and Christmas can be packed with stress. Instead of getting caught up in the pressure of getting the best gift for every person on your list, we should remember that the holiday season is about being together, and stores like Toys ‘R’ Us are helping families affected by autism have the opportunity to shop together.
For children and adults with autism, the overabundance of lights and sounds in many stores (especially amplified during the holiday season) can become overwhelming, but going to shop without their children shouldn’t be the only option for these families.
In an effort to make the shopping experience more enjoyable, this year every single Toys ‘R’ Us across the U.K. will open one hour early for families affected by autism. On Sunday, November 6, over 100 stores across England, Ireland, Scotland, and Wales will dim the lights and turn off music and loudspeaker announcements to reduce the stimulation. Autism-friendly signage will also be used, and specific quiet zones will be available if needed.
“We are delighted that Toys ‘R’ Us is again showing the way by hosting an autism-friendly shopping event in every Toys ‘R’ Us store in the lead up to Christmas,” said Daniel Cadey, autism access manager for the National Autistic Society. “Staff who understand autism will be on hand to help, and the lighting and amplified sound levels will be reduced to lessen the impact on autistic customers. Simple changes like this can make a huge difference to the 700,000 autistic people in the U.K. and to their families.”
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The quiet shopping event began in 2014, when mom Victoria Holdsworth approached her local store, explaining how difficult the overstimulation was when trying to shop with her son.
“In 2014, we were approached by a mum who was also co-founder of a local autism group called Autism Friendly U.K. She explained her situation to the local store manager and asked if there was any way we could hold a special shopping hour for her and other families in the area. Her son has sensory issues and normal shopping conditions caused upset,” said Justine Pryce, PR manager for Toys ‘R’ Us. “On discussion internally, we agreed to action … and take it across the country for similar groups.”
This sounds like a fantastic event. An hour of shopping might not sound like much, but it will make a huge difference for so many families. Toys ‘R’ Us is also looking to bring the events to the U.S. by working with local groups, like they did with Holdsworth and Autism Friendly U.K.
“We’re working on a plan to test these types of opportunities on a local level — pairing our stores with local organizations to create an event for kids with special needs and their families, and will also assess opportunities to scale it nationally,” Candace Disler, assistant manager of public relations for Toys ‘R’ Us in the U.S., tells Babble.
We seriously love this idea and hope that more stores follow their lead here in the U.S. So many families will have a better holiday season because of this huge act of kindness.
h/t: HuffPost U.K.
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When I saw a picture of a mom’s grocery cart on Facebook the other day, I couldn’t help but do a double-take. Looking at her cart loaded down with toilet paper, meat, carrots, granola bars, and barbecue chips, I couldn’t help but think:
This is a woman who gets me.
Jill Warren, 38, an office manager and mom of four from Michigan, shared a picture of one of her two carts from her weekly grocery shopping haul, along with some of the choice comments she inevitably gets. And man does it highlight the very real struggle that is trying to keep a large family fed.
I’m a mom of four myself and I swear I spend the majority of my life meal planning, assessing what food what need, shopping for said food, unloading it from the car, and of course, cooking. It’s insane and sometimes I wonder if I really am insane, because no one else seems to struggle with the weight of carrying a grocery store cart on their shoulders.
But thanks to Warren, I finally know that I am not alone.
Image Source: Jill Warren
“Shopping and cooking is so tedious and it seems to rule my life!” Warren tells Babble.
With a family of four daughters ranging in age from 9 to 19, Warren says that she spends 90 percent of the day in her kitchen and between $1500 and $1600 a month on the food staples alone. In addition, with two family members suffering from celiac disease and others with severe allergies, there’s tons of foods she needs to avoid when shopping.
“There is no wheat, barley, rye, spelt, couscous, bran, and oats (unless they are certified oats) anywhere near our house,” she explains. “To add to this list, we also do not have soy, yeast, dairy, chocolate (eek), corn, shellfish, and store-bought eggs.”
Due to their restrictions, Warren says that the family cooks most of their food from scratch and rarely eats out. Meal planning for their family can be a “real puzzle,” Warren says, so they utilize a lot of online shopping and grocery planning guides to plan out meals and automate deliveries when they can. When she shared her picture, she says that the cart was a very normal shopping trip for their family.
“We typically walk out with two of these carts,” she says. “Thankfully on the days that my husband isn’t able to go with me, Costco provides wonderful help getting me through and out of the store.”
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Of course, carting around massive quantities of food every week — even in a superstore like Costco — is bound to get you some looks from fellow shoppers. Some of the comments Warren received the day she shared her photo included:
“You must be planning a party!”
“Are you shopping for a business?”
“You must have a large family!”
“Woah!!! Have many boys are you feeding!?!?”
And the best one … “Well, you surely aren’t overweight. Your family must be very active.”
Warren says that although she avoids taking her kids shopping with her (“There just isn’t any room for them to sit when we are done!”), she gets a lot of comments about having boys, which she always finds funny. “It is pretty comical,” she says. “They truly eat like football players, but no boys around here.”
You mean girls eat, too? *gasp*
Image Source: Jill Warren
She also finds it strange that bystanders frequently comment on her food choices in relation to her daughters’ bodies.
“The constant comments about our weight really annoys me,” she admits. “It’s like they are trying to make my girls insecure about what they eat. We don’t talk about weight in our house, only about healthy choices and positive body image, so those comments are NEVER appreciated! We get the scan over, up and down eye glare often. I may not owe anyone an explanation but sometimes I want to give one.”
And despite the struggle of trying to keep her family fed, Warren says that at the end of the day, she is thankful she is able to make it all work.
“Our lifestyle isn’t for the faint,” she notes. “It is work, a work that I am grateful for. It is a blessing and a curse. Society makes choosing convenience a top priority. Not choosing it teaches us time management, patience, and creativity. The time I get to spend in the kitchen with my girls teaching them is priceless. Some of the the best memories are made laughing at experiments gone wrong or the endless heart-to-hearts about life happen in those wonderful moments in the kitchen.”
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There's a line at the grocery store play area. For good reason. A mother's dream. #parenting #memes #momprobs #momlife #momsofinstagram #kids
A photo posted by Perfection Pending (@perfectpending) on
Yep, you read that right: My local grocery store has childcare — and it’s absolutely FREE.
I’ll let that sink in for a minute.
Three years ago I moved into my current neighborhood and discovered the unbelievable bliss of shopping without some (or all) of my kids in tow. My grocery store is a Smith’s Marketplace in Utah, which is part of the Kroger chain of stores. In case you’re unfamiliar, Smith’s has pretty much everything you could possibly need, all under one roof — from clothing and shoes to groceries, toys, home decor, a jeweler, and even a pharmacy. It’s kind of like a Target, but not quite as big. And, yes, they have a Starbucks, too.
But the best part (in my opinion) is the fact that they make grocery shopping far less miserable for __parents by watching your kids for you.
My husband makes fun of me for my loyalty to this amazing grocery store, because I basically live there. But honestly, having a store that will watch my kids while I shop makes me want to give them all my money.
Gone are the days of frantically rushing through my list of necessities, trying to race down every aisle before one of my kids has another epic meltdown. No longer do I have to brace myself for the 5,238 things that will inevitably be begged for once we step foot in the door. No, instead, I grab a fountain drink in their deli department and stroll through the aisles sipping away, for a full hour of pure bliss all by myself. I try on clothes, check out throw pillows, and get all my groceries for the week, too.
I’m not even sugar-coating things here, that child-free hour really is as glorious as it sounds.
So, how does it work? The play area is open for kids ages 2 to 6 years old. No need for them to be potty-trained, because they can simply page you if there’s a problem and your child needs a diaper change or wants you to take them to the restroom. Of course, you can’t leave the store while they’re in the play area, and you do only get an hour, but a child-free hour is a child-free hour. Am I right, parents?
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An employee is assigned to work in the play area from the hours of 10 AM to 7 PM every day. And while there is a bit of paperwork to fill out the first time you go (including your contact info, child’s DOB, etc.), they keep it all on file for you for the future. After that, you’re good to leave your kids and shop in peace. For me, that looks like 60 minutes of hearing only my own thoughts, and debating about whether or not I need that cute wall clock. That my friends, is what a mother’s dreams are made of. It’s enough to make me want to grocery shop every day.
To keep track of things, they give you and your child each a wrist band to wear with a number on it. Both numbers are documented on your personal file every time you drop off your kid. You have to sign them in and out, and the door is locked so no little ones can escape (thank goodness). The only slight downside is that they cap the number of kids in the play area at 10, so occasionally they will be full; but moms are constantly coming and going, so it’s usually easy to get in if you just wait a few minutes. And to me, that is more than worth it.
Image Source: Meredith Ethington
I took a picture of the one time we actually did have to wait, and shared it on Instagram — and let me tell you, moms everywhere went nuts that such a thing even exists in the world. But I’m honestly not surprised, because what parent in their right mind wouldn’t want free childcare while they shop? Why every grocery store out there doesn’t have this service yet remains the big mystery, but I for one am happy and loyal customer who now refuses to shop anywhere else. My only hope is that this catches on, so other __parents out there can revel in the same happiness I do.
Oh, and I almost forgot the best part: My kids actually love it. And, the cute lady that watches the kids knows my kids by name because I’m there at least once a week (and then some). There’s even a giant TV screen mounted to the wall and a library of Disney movies for them to watch, coloring pages for them to color, a little toy house and toy kitchen to play in, and toys and trucks galore. And if you’re worried about germs, they wipe down everything thoroughly at the end of every shift. I’m not even kidding.
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Lots of grocery stores these days are offering drive-thru services so you don’t even have to get out of your car, which is incredible for those days when someone is sick, or you just can’t bring yourself to put on a bra. But I will never stop loving the idea of a play area actually inside the grocery store, so your kids can get a little bit of playtime while you get that much-needed alone time you crave.
Since shopping with young kids in tow is basically every parent’s nightmare, I refuse to shop anywhere else when my kids are with me. It’s just a no-brainer. Mostly because I can actually remember the things I went there for when I don’t have a little person begging for 12 varieties of Pop Tarts while I try to think.
Oakley Peterson is every mom. She is loving and dedicated. She watches over her children, protects her children, and she wants nothing but the “best” for her three kids. She wants them to live full, beautiful, and enriching lives. But when Oakley gave birth to her second child, Welles, she worried that may not be possible because, as Oakley explains in a now viral video, immediately after Welles’s birth, the Peterson’s learned something was wrong.
“We were so excited. He was beautiful. [But then] the nurses started whispering in the corner. I could tell there was some concern.”
Welles was whisked to neonatology.
“[The nurse] asked us if we had done quad screen — basically they tell you what your chances of Down syndrome are — and I did and it was standard. And she [the nurse] said, ‘Well, we think he has Down syndrome.’”
And the nurse was right. Welles did in fact have an extra chromosome, and Down syndrome. Unfortunately, that diagnosis was no comfort for Oakley because the mother of three had no frame of reference for what Down syndrome looked like, nor what it would mean for Welles and the entire Peterson family.
“My first thought was … this can’t happen. My face was puffy for days because I was just worried. I don’t know what to expect with his health. I don’t know what to expect with his life, and that’s scary for a mom. That’s scary for any parent.”
The good news is that, while still in the hospital, a few of Oakley’s friends visited her and her husband and — as Down syndrome __parents themselves — they were able to give the Petersons perspective, and the hope they so desperately needed.
“You just hit the jackpot,” they told them. “Your family is going to function like a normal family. Your family is going to do wonderful, fun things. And it’s actually probably going to be more fun because of Welles.”
And the Peterson’s quickly learned this was in fact true.
“Welles gives me more hugs and kisses than anybody. Welles picks up on people’s moods and loves with a capacity that we aren’t even capable of understanding … there is nothing down about Welles, his diagnosis, or about people who live their life with Down syndrome.”
For that reason, Oakley started “Nothing Down About It,” a blog that chronicles not only the life of Welles but also aims to teach people about Down syndrome while also providing support for other Down parents:
“The pure happiness of a Down syndrome child is simply too beautiful not to share! [Nothing Down About It] highlights the tender mercies God bestows on families with special needs … together we can shrug off stigmas and help people embrace the goodness of these angels among us! Together we can help all of our children realize their full potential.”
October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month. Learn more about Oakley, Welles, and Down syndrome through the National Down Syndrome Society (NDSS) and on Oakley’s blog, Nothing Down About It.
The decision over whether or not to get an epidural during childbirth is a deeply personal one. But for anyone out there who’s ever second-guessed getting one, or is currently weighing the pros and cons now, here’s a new one to add to the list of benefits (besides the whole pain relief thing): Getting an epidural may actually decrease your odds of postpartum depression later, according to new research.
The preliminary study, presented at the Anesthesiology 2016 annual meeting in Chicago, determined that labor pain is a significant risk factor for postpartum depression symptoms — meaning that by simply alleviating the pain, you could help lower your risk of PPD.
Surprised? So was I.
“Labor pain matters more than just for [the] birth experience. It may be psychologically harmful for some women and play a significant role in the development of postpartum depression,” said Grace Lim, director of Obstetric anesthesiology at Magee Women’s Hospital of the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center and lead investigator on the study.
After controlling for factors known to increase the risk of postpartum depression (like pre-existing depressions and anxiety), researchers reviewed the medical records of 201 women who used epidurals and had their pain accessed on a 1-10 scale during labor. They then calculated the percent improvement in pain throughout labor after the epidural was administered. Depression risk was assessed using the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale (EPDS) — a 10-item questionnaire used by doctors in outpatient settings — six weeks after childbirth.
According to the study, the team of researchers found the higher the percent improvement in pain scored, the lower the EPDS scores. In other words, some women who experienced good pain relief from an epidural were found to be less likely to exhibit depressive symptoms after childbirth.
Of course, more work still needs to be done to establish whether epidurals actually guarantee the avoidance of postpartum depression altogether, and to help identify which women would benefit the most from labor pain-control. But one thing’s for sure: These findings can at least help bolster the decisions of moms-to-be who are currently planning on one — and alleviate any guilt some of us who had one may still be battling.
At least, I know it does for me.
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When I told people that I was planning to get an epidural with my first baby, plenty of unsolicited comments were immediately thrown my way. I was told that getting an epidural is the easy “way out” or that it “wasn’t the natural way to have a baby.” Another woman scared the crap out of me when she claimed that an epidural essentially drugs the baby and may cause my child to be groggy and make it difficult for her to nurse.
These comments (and so many others) not only made me concerned for the health of my daughter, but also left me feeling unfairly judged, like I was selfishly putting my own interests before my child’s. Although I knew for certain that I wanted an epidural, there was also a part of me that hoped my adrenaline would kick in and I’d somehow push through labor without the need for any medication.
I eventually did end up getting an epidural, which helped ease the pain and discomfort from the contractions that literally took my breath away. I held off as long as possible, but as my labor progressed, so did my anxiety, which in turn led to me worrying that the pain I was feeling may be a sign that the baby was in distress (she wasn’t), or that my body just wasn’t equipped for childbirth (it totally was). In the end, I did what was best for me and asked for an epidural, which not only allowed me to relax, but gave my body a chance to prepare for labor and helped tame my anxiety.
Looking back, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. And if this latest study is any indication, my choice to have an epidural may have been one of the smartest decisions I could have made. Not only was I taking care of myself, but I was also laying the groundwork for a better postpartum experience for me and my daughter. And at the end of the day, that means everything.
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“Encourage THAT Mom” originally appeared on Real Honest Mom, and was reprinted with permission.
Image Source: Thinkstock
If you have ever been to a public place, you have seen THAT mom, and if you have kids, you’ve been THAT mom. The mom trying desperately to wrangle children and get them to behave. Or the mom that has had it and resorts to yelling or worse, tears. Or the mom that has completely given up for the day and isn’t doing much of anything anymore to tame the wildlings.
Being with children is emotionally draining. Sometimes it’s a relief to just be out of the house. Yes we love our kids dearly and yes, they are gifts from God, and yes we cherish them because we know some can’t have them. But good grief, we are not stone ponies and we have limits. Limits that are pushed and pushed and pushed and it’s exhausting to manage it all perfectly. It doesn’t feel good to be that mom. We know you’re staring.
Do you know the best thing you can do for THAT mom? Encourage her.
If you have air in your lungs, you know a tired mom. You know a mom who is struggling. And you’ve seen it. And often, the best thing you can do for a child is encourage their mother. Anything a mom is feeling trickles down to the kids, good or bad.
One time I was at a grocery store fed up with my almost 2-year-old. An older woman came up to us and started talking to him. Just an innocent conversation, asked him his name and about the character on his shirt, and said he was cute. It completely changed the energy of the situation.
He was shy, but he smiled at her. It redirected him and took the pressure off of me. She winked at me as she passed by. It helped reset things, and we left the store happy. I don’t know if she was doing a mammoth reverse-psychology power maneuver on us or if she was just plain nice, but it really helped me and I was grateful. If she had just given us the stink eye while walking past us, I wouldn’t have felt nearly as good about it.
I also think of my sister-in-law Jenn anytime I think I have problems. She has two school-aged children, and three in diapers. She’s 8 hours from me, so I’m not able to help her in person. My heart really goes out to her, so I put together a care package for her.
Image Source: Audra Rogers
It had several small items in it for pampering and survival, and a thank you card, thanking her for all that she does for her kids. She said it moved her to tears and she loved it. I know she liked the care package, but I’m guessing the card in it meant the most.
That’s the stuff, people. When we encourage and not tear down. Where we stop fighting over breastfeeding in public and co-sleeping, and whether or not we buy everything organic. We are all surviving motherhood. We are all unique in our issues but we love our kids. Period.
A dear friend of mine knew I was struggling at one time, and she left a simple small vase of flowers and a nice card on my porch. It was beautiful and it meant a lot, and it was perfect. Even simply face-to-face telling someone they’re doing a good job means a lot.
Cool gifts work too! After searching online, I found an awesome Super Mom mug.
Image Source: Amazon
I ordered several for a group of moms that I regularly meet with at church and had them shipped to my house. My boys and I made chocolate chip cookies to go inside them, and I told them about each mom I was giving them to, and how we go to a big moms meeting because we want to be the best moms we can be. I wrote out small cards for each mom, and they were very well received. (Plus they are large-sized for lots of coffee!) It was also a special time for us at home as we learned about giving. So you can get a lot out of it, too. If you are feeling out of sorts yourself, I promise it will do you a world of good to take the focus off of yourself and encourage others.
So regardless of what you can think of, big or small, please encourage THAT mom. Because you’re that mom, too.
Godspeed, mamas!
More from Real Honest Mom:
10 ways to fall back in love with your toddler
I’m running away and never coming back
What my sons taught me when I taught them household skills
Mom shaming is real, y’all — and it happens to all of us at an alarming rate, often leaving us to feel doubtful, confused, angry, and defensive. Worst of all, it’s sadly become the norm, not the exception.
I myself have had a million little moments of feeling judged, but a few stick out more than others. Case in point: Last year, I had an appointment I needed to get to, so I put my then 2-year-old toddler into a baby carrier and strolled into the lab office. After my name was called, I was escorted back to a room where a tech soon strolled in. Almost immediately, she wrinkled her nose at me and said, “Can’t your child walk?”
I was stunned. Then I muttered a bunch of sentences including, “A lab is not a place for a baby to walk around,” and “He likes being carried,” and “Yes, he can walk.” Then I thought about everything that’s in a lab that’s not baby-friendly — you know, like needles, blood, and urine. So I threw a sentence in about that, too.
In essence, I babbled, attempting to justify my actions to a woman I had met five seconds ago. But why? Why did I care what she thought? Why did I even bother answering her question? Why were my parenting choices any of her business? And worse, what if my child had a disability where he couldn’t actually walk?
These days, parenting choices are always up for discussion. Just ask a question about breastfeeding, circumcision, vaccines, co-sleeping, or baby leashes and watch the war begin. Bring up discipline, and you’ll be peppered with phrases like “helicopter parents,” “attachment,” “back in the day,” and “free range parenting.” Share what you’re considering naming your unborn child, and prepare yourself for a slew of opinionated comments and maybe even a virtual finger wagging. Bring up ordering cupcakes for your kindergartner’s birthday party instead of making them from scratch, and you’ll meet some real pearl clutchers.
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The days of silent judgement or quiet whispering are over. Wear your baby incorrectly (or at all), bed share with your preschooler, decline to have a gender-reveal party, and you’ll get a one-way ticket to Judgement Town. It’s a loud place, with many buzzing voices, all at odds with one another.
Though I’m now a mom of four, and pretty confident in my decisions by now, I do worry what nay-sayers do to new mothers, who are still getting their parental sea legs. It seems rare that someone approaches a mom simply to admire her baby and tell her she’s doing a great job.
I think moms need to go back to trusting their instincts. After all, we know our children best. The stranger on the Internet, the know-it-all at the grocery store, and the parenting “expert” hardly have it all figured out. None of us do. We’re all just trying our best for the sake of our kids.
Mom shamers are a lot like bullies. They are good at disguising their nastiness. They might approach you out of “concern,” all in the name of Experience, but their end goal is to show you how awesome they are and how deficient you are. They really don’t care about the well-being of your offspring. They just need to feel important, and that comes at the cost of your vulnerability. And mothers, we are some of the most vulnerable, mostly because we’re almost always exhausted from keeping up with and caring for our children.
We can’t change our circumstances: we’re in the trenches of mommyhood. But we can change our reactions to those who take it upon themselves to shame.
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When someone asks me (again) why we adopted instead of having our “own kids,” when a stranger disapproves of my child wearing her shoes on the wrong feet, or when someone passive aggressively comments on me wearing my now 3-and-a-half-year-old son, I shut them down. Easily. And you can, too.
Just look the person directly in the eye and say these five magic words: “I’m okay with my choices.”
I’m okay with the fact that my infant daughter is not breastfeeding. I’m okay with my almost four-year-old son wanting to be carried sometimes. I’m okay with my athletic daughter wearing black and silver boy’s basketball shorts every single day. I’m ok with my son playing with dolls. I’m okay with my children’s spread-out vaccine schedule. I’m okay with not allowing my kids to have food dyes. I’m okay being a stay-at-home-mom. I’m okay with using disposable diapers. I’m okay letting my kids listen to “Baby Got Back.”
And my choices are no better or worse, more or less loving or educated, than your choices. If you want to nurse your child until he’s 5, go for it. If you plan to take your kid to daycare when she’s 8 weeks old, do it. If you believe in only buying ecologically responsible toys for your toddler, great! If baby-wearing makes you cringe, work your stroller, girl! If you feel that private school is the best way to educate your second-grader, fabulous.
Because I am okay — and you are, too. And neither of us have time for mom shamers. We’re too busy being incredible mothers to our children.
When 12-year-old Campbell Whittaker, of Tasmania, Australia, was just 9, he asked his mother if he could donate Christmas gifts to sick children. His mom told him that they couldn’t afford to. Campbell (who also goes by “Bumble”) is one of nine kids, and his parents’ bank account was already stretched thin from having to buy Christmas presents for all of Campbell’s brothers and sisters.
That didn’t stop Campbell, though. He took matters into his own hands — literally — and began to sew teddy bears for sick children. Whats more, Campbell’s mom Sonya tells Babble that Campbell is entirely self-taught. He found some patterns online, and with a little practice, he figured out how to make the bears all on his own.
“He has tried to teach me and his dad what he does and we can’t even understands how he does it,” Sonya shares with Babble. (I know that I’d be right there with Campbell’s parents; I haven’t touched a sewing machine since 7th grade Home Economics!).
This amazing and generous boy has been making teddy bears for the past three years, hand-delivering them to the children personally. Campbell even has a Facebook page, where he describes his teddy bear project in more detail.
“I decided that I would make one present a day, which is 365 a year, and give them all away,” writes Campbell. “I have done this for two Christmases now and I love it.”
It’s not even Christmas yet, but it sounds as though Campbell has already surpassed that goal. He shares on his page that he has made over 400 presents so far in 2016, and raised $5,241 for fundraisers.
Are you not totally blown away by this young boy? I sure am. He is more prolific than I will ever be at anything, and has the most generous spirit.
Campbell’s mother Sonya has always known that Campbell was special. He has a unique brand of empathy that’s pretty rare in someone so young. “When someone’s heart breaks, Campbell’s has always broken more,” Sonya tells Babble. “I think being a big brother in a family of 9 children has encouraged his nurturing empathetic nature.”
Image Source: Sonya
I first heard about Campbell’s inspiring story by seeing a viral video that was making the Facebook rounds earlier this week. The video (which you can watch in full here), was produced by the Australian website The Feed SBS and features heartwarming interviews with Campbell himself, as well as his parents, and the children who have received his gifts.
Warning: Before you watch, please make sure you do so with a truckload of tissues by your side. It is one of the most moving things you’ll ever see.
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In the video, it’s revealed that Campbell’s father Nathan was diagnosed with cancer five years ago, and while he’s currently cancer-free, his father says that the cancer has an 80% recurrence rate.
Of course, Campbell has made his dad a bear, too. His mother shares with Babble that the kind of bear Campbell made his dad was a “winner bear,” which he gives to people when they are incredibly ill. “Bumble believes these bears are magic enough to cure where other things may not,” she explained.
Image Source: Sonya
Campbell’s dad says that he had to admit to Campbell that his the cancer would most likely come back — and his response will break your heart, and put it back together, all at once.
“Dad,” said Campbell, “It’s a winner bear. You’ll win against it.”
Fighting back tears in the video, Campbell’s dad explains that the cancer hasn’t come back for over a year now — the longest he’s ever gone between occurrences.
“Maybe … bear worked,” he says.
It sounds like it sure might have. But Campbell’s dad isn’t sure whether to credit the bear, or just Campbell himself. “There’s a little bit of magic in [the bears],” says Nathan. “A lot of magic in Campbell, though.”
Indeed there is. Campbell has given life and hope to his father, as well as the hundreds of children who have received his gifts — not to mention the thousands of others who’ve heard his story.
Image Source: Sonya
“I suppose in a glimpse, he makes teddy bears and gives them to children,” Campbell’s mom says in the video. “But what it really is, is he looks at sadness and tries to turn it upside down.”
Campbell shares on his Facebook page that he uses the “pocket money” he’s earned to make his bears, but he accepts donations to off-set the cost of fabric and other materials. If you’d like to support Campbell’s cause, you can donate via the PayPal account his mom runs.
If you’re a parent with a Twitter account, chances are you tweet about your kids — and often. Some of the things we’ve seen (the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly) are just begging to be shared, and who has the time for more than 140 characters? Not us. So here you go, the funniest tweets from __parents on Twitter this week. #yourewelcome
1. Well that’s a tough one.
Parenting Tip: Be prepared to answer tough life questions from your child, because "What's your favorite kind of brick?" will come up.
— Vote Meh! (@TheAlexNevil) October 27, 2016
2. It’s just so much effort, you know?
Major disappointment for a teen: not being invited to a party. Major disappointment for an adult: being invited to a party.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) October 26, 2016
3. Five millionth time’s a charm.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try and try again 5 million times.
*my kids asking for snacks*
— Iwan (@IwanWil) October 25, 2016
4. Well that makes things a little more difficult.
My 3yo: Help I dropped a coin in the toilet come and get it out.
Me (looks): I can't see anything in there.
3: That's because I flushed.
— Phil (@geowizzacist) October 28, 2016
5. Mom or servant? It’s hard to tell.
"My kids have no control over me," I say as I pick out only the T-Rex-shaped chicken nuggets for my 3yo's dinner.
— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) October 27, 2016
6. Sorry, but it’s just so cold in the bleachers.
You're not a real parent until you've secretly wished your child's sports team does bad in a tournament so you can go home early.
— Jules (@julie2288) October 22, 2016
7. Cheese puffs: worth it.
Buy towels that are light in color so you can easily be reminded of how frequently you purchase cheese puffs.
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) October 26, 2016
8. It sounds very freeing.
May your day be filled with the same joy & reckless abandon as my 2yo as he ran down the store aisle knocking 50 cereal boxes to the floor.
— Mama Rises Early (@mamarisesearly) October 22, 2016
9. That’s all we’ve ever wanted.
7: Mommy, can we have a day where we wear pajamas all day and not go outside at all?
Me: *wiping away tear* Yes we can, son. Yes we can.
— Northern Lights (@PinkCamoTO) October 27, 2016
10. Do you really have to, though?
Me: Please don't lick that.
Kid: Why?
Me: Because it's dirty.
Kid: Oh. Can I lick clean stuff? Like the bathtub? …I do that sometimes.
— Close to Classy (@closetoclassy) October 24, 2016
11. That big belly is pretty useful.
I mostly got pregnant again so I could get my portable snack table back.
— ErensDaily (@erensdaily) October 21, 2016
12. Pro parenting.
Say what you want about my parenting skills, but my 6yo just asked "Who's Caillou?" so I must be doing something right.
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) October 27, 2016
13. It’s gonna be great.
Let's get married and have kids so instead of enjoying coffee in the morning you can braid hair while I pack lunches and we can all be late.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 27, 2016
14. And bought all the things.
Sorry kids, you can't go to college. Mommy went to Costco that one time in 2016.
— Graceful AF (@graceful_asfuck) October 21, 2016
15. A truly special time.
"EH EH! LEAVE IT. LEAVE IT. LEAVE IT. LEAVE IT. LEAVE IT. LEAVE IT. LEAVE IT. LEAVE IT. LEAVE IT. LEAVE IT. LEA…"
This commercial for a new app called Chatbooks is everything.
I’d never heard of the app before I saw this video. Now, not only do I have the app, I signed up for the service and am currently stalking the woman in the video to see if she would like to be my new best friend. (As of publishing time, I have not heard back on my repeated friend requests.)
The ad, which is quickly going viral for its comedy genius, is aimed at moms who take a lot of pictures on their phone (so basically all moms) and leave them on Instagram and Facebook without printing them (so basically all moms). In it, the mom discusses her dislike of making photo books. She says, “They’re designed for moms with lots of free time: imaginary moms. But at least scrapbooking is great, if you have no job and no kids. So, not great.”
I never understood the whole scrapbooking phenomenon. I heard stories of women going away on “scrapbooking weekends” and assumed this was some sort of make-believe story wives told their husbands so he believed she was doing something “productive” instead of escaping home to go drinking with her girlfriends. And I always thought to myself, Well played, lady friend.
I have three kids and a full-time job. I don’t have time for this shit. As the video correctly points out, “I barely have time to keep them alive let alone print pictures of them.” I don’t even order prints online to fill half-naked picture frames in our home much less create elaborate photo books. But this video may be the answer to all our photo dilemmas.
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Most of us today take and keep pictures on Instagram, Facebook, or similar social media sites, right? This is great for friends who follow us to see, but make printing or sharing with our kids or non-social media folks difficult. And because we all want to preserve memories of our families and friends, it would be nice to have them in print form. Enter Chatbooks, the app that automatically creates photo books from your phone. It creates a book every time you add 60 pictures to Instagram, Facebook, or your camera favorites. They have created the lazy people’s photo book. These are my people.
In the video, we get to see how nice it is for her kids to be able to sit and look at all the pictures she’s taken. Her son is perusing through one and asks, “Why is dad wearing a dress?” Fair question. She snaps back, “OK, that’s me. Alright? The short hair was a mistake.”
This video is comedy GOLD.
Chatbooks only takes 30 seconds to set up and it will forever send photo books to your house every time you get to 60 pictures. And she makes you feel kind of guilty if you don’t do it because it’s only $8 a book and she says really it’s only “thirty seconds to record the lives of your kids.” This is really no big deal because as she points out “technically that’s less time than it actually took to make the kids.”
**stops writing this so I can ugly cry/laugh into keyboard for full five minutes**
This isn’t even a sponsored post. I’d never even heard of Chatbooks before last night. But now they have one more customer. Because of my new best friend.
Halloween certainly creeped up on us this year. And let’s face it, we are not prepared. The kids have changed their costumes five times and counting, we’re already out of candy (OK that may be our fault), and that Halloween party we planned? It’s not even close to organized.
But whatever your own worries are for the spookiest holiday of the year, do not fear! __parents everywhere are just as frightened for this Halloween, and it has nothing to do with witches or monsters.
So take a break from all the planning and enjoy a few laughs from these oh, so relatable Halloween-themed parenting tweets.
1. It would be a lot easier.
Do we have to Trick or Treat?! Can't I just take the kids to the store and buy them bags of candy?
— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) October 31, 2014
2. Bats make the best party accessories.
…..that time a real bat was flying around my house and I was like, "hey bat, can you come back for my party in a couple weeks?"
— Kelly Clarkson (@kelly_clarkson) October 13, 2016
3. We estimate: 3,587,612 Elsas.
I have started rehearsing my Halloween surprise face every time an Elsa knocks on my door. #Halloween #Parenting
— noelle (@BowChicaBowMom) October 29, 2014
4. Um that would be kind of fantastic.
My kids greatest desire would be to have Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas decorations up…all at once…all year long.
— Jessica (@DocWife) October 13, 2016
5. We’d rather watch a scary movie.
The scariest thing I've experienced this Halloween season is my 4-year-old detailing the girl/friendship drama in her pre-k.
— Kate Spencer (@katespencer) October 26, 2015
6. Fair trade-off.
And now we play a little game called "I made you, you shall repay me with candy."
— Carbosly (@Carbosly) November 1, 2014
7. Well, excuse you.
4: "Mom, you can dress up as this cool girl for Halloween…even though you aren't cool, you can pretend."
*writes her out of will
— Mama babbles… (@mama_babble) October 19, 2016
8. Visitors not welcome.
Our door decoration for Halloween says "Enter at your own risk" but it seems like sound advice year round.
— heather boo* (@heatherlou_) October 12, 2016
9. We hate to say we told you so …
dad, I think a ghost is in my room
-the ghost in the scary movie I said not to watch?
yes
-well good luck. that thing's freaky. goodnight
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) October 7, 2015
10. Ouch.
One time I wore my brother's t-shirt, and my dad asked if I was dressing up as his favorite child for Halloween.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) October 20, 2016
11. It’s basically the same thing.
To save $45 on a pumpkin I'm trying to convince my 2yr old that they grow on cement & this store parking lot really is the pumpkin patch.
— SingleBabyMama (@_SingleBabyMama) October 11, 2016
12. Close enough.
Me: What is Aydan going to be for Halloween? Mom: The flashman, flashlight something like that Me:…
— Veevz (@salty_vivi) October 16, 2016
13. How do you like that, kids?
I decided that for Halloween, I'll go as a toddler and just say no all day long.
No.
That feels good.
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) October 22, 2015
14. Let’s hope not.
We're 4 weeks out from Halloween and I'm at peak anxiety that this will be the year my kids figure out how delicious peanut butter cups are.
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) October 5, 2016
15. Makes sense.
My kid forgot I asked her to clean up her toys 5 mins ago, but not that she asked me to dress up as DJ Lance Rock for Halloween 3 weeks ago.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) October 17, 2014
16. Beware.
This Halloween I am gonna pop out and scare people with a copy of my mortgage payment. Terrifying
— ivy•cheeks (@collabeans620) October 17, 2016
17. We hope you learned your lesson.
13:How many of my M&M's did you eat. Me: 2 13: … Me: 4 13: I'm not mad at you Momma, I'm just disappointed.
TREATED
— Kris V (@krisv_723) October 1, 2016
18. Catchy.
Is my costume here yet? Is my costume here yet? Is my costume here yet? Is my costume here yet? Is my costume here yet? -My 8yo's theme song
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) October 5, 2015
19. Just be yourself.
I love Halloween.
Kids dress up like monsters.
It’s the one day they look like what they really are.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 25, 2016
20. And no one touch it.
Okay, it's time to separate all the Halloween candy from last night. Let's call this first pile, "Things Mommy Likes."
— Julie@NextLifeNOKids (@NextLifeNOKids) November 1, 2015
21. Mother knows best.
My mom has been to the store three times today to buy Halloween decorations, in case anyone was wondering where I get this from.
— pumpkin queen (@madddie818) October 16, 2016
22. Dads matter too, damnit.
It's like the Halloween industry doesn't even care if a dad wants a sexy costume.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 21, 2016
23. That’s a scary sight.
If this mirror is accurate, I'm going as my mother for Halloween this year.
— Madame Mumsie (@MUMSIEesq) October 24, 2016
24. Who’s idea was this, again?
The only truly scary thing about Halloween is keeping your kids up past bedtime on a school night and giving them extra sugar.
There’s a magic that happens when a brand new baby is on the way.
People smile at a pregnant mama’s belly.
Strangers in line at the grocery store whisper in her ear, “Enjoy every moment! It goes by quick!”
The nursery comes to life, mom and dad smiling at one another as they put the crib together (DAMN IT!!! THESE INSTRUCTIONS ARE WRITTEN BY A TOTAL *!#%*!#$). Quiet Sunday afternoons are spent in anticipation of the new arrival, painting the baby’s room soft blues and pinks and yellows and neon greens. (Okay, I made that last part up. Poor neon green.)
But best of all (let’s just all admit this together here and now, okay?), people give you gifts. Lots of them. Too many of them. More onesies than you will ever need. A ridiculous amount of rattles and other plastic crap that will never ever be touched — $65 lamb plushies from the big gun stores like Crate, Bath, and Cinnabon.
It’s all good, though. I mean, it’s free stuff, right? And besides, lots of those gifts DO come in handy. I’m still using the sippy cups and a bull whip we received at our first child’s baby shower on my third kid. Because listen up, by your third kid no one gives you anything but strange looks, trust me.
Still, I’m going to let you in on a little secret that you probably didn’t know about. The most magically cool gift that you or your newborn baby will ever receive is a couple of keyboard clicks away, doesn’t cost a dime, and will be something that you both will cherish for the rest of your lives.
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See, The White House (yes, THAT White House) offers new __parents the chance to receive what has proven to be just about the best gift my daughter, Violet, now 7, has ever received. Right before she was born, someone mentioned it to her mom and me at a lamaze class. (Ugh.)
“Did you guys write to the The White House about getting a ‘Baby’s Birth Greeting’ from the President? You HAVE to do it! It’s wonderful!”
I was skeptical at first. Something from the President? For our daughter? How? Why? How much?!
But I went ahead and looked into it anyway, and guess what? It was the easiest thing I’ve ever done. Right after Violet was born, I went to this website, filled out the necessary info, and clicked it all over to the Powers That Be.
Then I promptly forgot about it to the chaotic joy of new fatherhood.
Until one day, months later, a hand-written envelope arrived in our mailbox. From The White House.
I was so giddy I almost knocked Violet down with my special We-Are-Friends-With-The-President moonwalk dance. I held her in my lap and we gently opened the envelope that was addressed to Violet herself. (Save the envelope too! It’s not hoarding. It’s magnificent!)
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And inside was the most amazing little card with what I still think is the loveliest message to a child from the newly elected President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama.
Welcome to the world! Your arrival is a cause for great celebration for your proud family. We wish you a long and happy life filled with chances to learn, ideas to explore, people to love, and dreams to fulfill.
I still tear up a little when I read that. And I’m not lying at all when I say I’ve read it at least 6 million times over the last eight years. And all of this was very special to us because our Violet had been born on the very same day that President Obama was inaugurated into his first term of office. But no matter who the President is, believe me when I tell you that this is something worth having.
Violet loves having this gift. We keep the envelope and card together in a small frame. It’s been really good fodder for Show and Tell days (with a note to the teacher to guard it with his/her life). And every single person who ever spots it on my mantle is really curious about it as well.
Hopefully, with a little luck, she’ll be able to keep it for the rest of her life — a small reminder of her mom and dad, of how much they couldn’t wait to meet her before she arrived. And of how much they loved her once she did.
The other day, I overheard a phone conversation while sitting in my gynecologist’s waiting room. (Yes, I was eavesdropping.) The woman talking on the phone was sitting directly behind me so I didn’t see her, but she was talking and laughing and making plans for a blowout. And she sounded happy about it.
*cue the gags*
If you’re a mom, you’ve experienced the joys of nuclear-grade projectile shit (and by shit, I mean in the very literal sense) that is too powerful and majestic to be contained by a mere diaper. It squirts out the elastic leg band, seeps through baby’s outfit and onto whatever surface baby happens to be parking her little baby bum on. (Hint: that surface is usually you.) A rite of passage of parenthood for sure, but not something to snicker and giggle about while you’re waiting for the hoo-hah police to perform the annual inspection of your lady garden.
I craned my neck in order to get a good look at this chick who was looking forward to a blowout and got an eyeful of her sleek hairdo, tiny purse, high heels, and lack of under eye baggage, and came to the conclusion that she wasn’t a mom.
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Then I remembered the days where blowout meant something different than what I think it means: going to the salon and paying someone to carefully blow dry and straighten your hair so it looks fabulous for whatever fabulous thing you’re doing. This was back in the day when Costco didn’t count as a fabulous thing you were doing. See also: when you washed your hair regularly and didn’t feel something akin to friendship with your big-ass bottle of dry shampoo.
Motherhood is life-changing.
That’s about the most obvious statement on the planet, right? We change after we become parents, even though we probably all have some dim memories from the Land of Pre-kids of telling ourselves we wouldn’t change. We wouldn’t neglect our hygiene. We’d only wear yoga pants to yoga class (this one always makes me snort). We wouldn’t neglect our childless friends. We’d never, ever, ever feed our little darlings macaroni and cheese from the blue box (this one makes me laugh, too).
But everything changes after kids, even our vocabulary. In the spirit of blowouts, here are six more things that mean something different once you become a parent.
1. Party
Before kids: A party was somewhere you went with other adults where you enjoyed adult conversations and adult beverages. Party was also a verb, as in: “Sheryl, we are so going to party it up when we go on our girls’ vacay.”
After kids: Mention the word “party” to moms of school-aged children and watch them twitch uncomfortably.
This means shopping for a super-unique birthday gift that wasn’t made in a factory overseas that’s just the right combination of educational, environmentally-friendly, and fun. After you purchase said gift, you’ll take your small human to the house of someone you don’t know, where you’ll be held hostage for two to four hours while you make awkward small talk with the other moms while your kids eat too much sugar and cry over a game of Duck, Duck, Goose gone wrong.
Alternatively, said party will be held at an indoor chamber of horrors where gigantic, creepy stuffed animals sing, dance, and play the drums and everything is covered in Nutella and other stickified substances that you can’t (or don’t want to) identify.
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2. Sleeping late
Before kids: Sleeping late had a 10 AM minimum rule, as in if you were up before 10, no way did it count as sleeping late.
After kids: Sleeping late is defined as your kid allowing you to snooze until at least 7:02 AM on a weekend. Sheer luxury, until you get up and find they’ve used an entire tube of toothpaste to treat their teddy bear’s owie because they were pretending to be Doc McStuffins.
3. Sleep training
Before kids: Getting an uninterrupted 10 hours of shut-eye before a big athletic event, such as a half-marathon or a sprint triathlon. Wake up refreshed and ready for beast mode.
After kids: Putting your whiny-ass toddler to bed 64 times in the span of a two-hour period. Reading three stories, singing four lullabies, and sitting outside their bedroom door reading about co-sleeping on your phone and feeling inferior. See also: very, very tired. Nobody gets very much actual sleep. Or training.
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4. Sex
Before kids: Sex may occur with the door open or closed, for procreation or recreation. Most often occurs after the shaving of the legs and other bits and the brushing of the teeth. Will usually involve lingerie, foreplay, and last more than five minutes.
After kids: Sex most commonly occurs with bedroom door closed, locked, and barricaded by the laundry hamper, a trash can, and the suitcases you still haven’t unpacked from the vacation you took three months ago. Rarely lasts more than five minutes. Frequently interrupted by small humans who need your attention right this minute no matter what.
Prickly legs and bad breath add to the mood … or so you keep telling yourself.
5. Clean
Before kids: You say silly things about people being able to eat off your floors. Towels are clean and fluffy, beds are made, and the condition of your toilet or appliances won’t embarrass you in the event company drops by. You have an impressive stash of cleaning products and you “just can’t relax” unless your abode is spic ‘n’ span.
After kids: You don’t talk about people eating off the floor because people actually do and you prefer not to mention it. The condition of your toilet or appliances won’t embarrass you because no one in their right mind visits you, and you like it that way. You have an impressive stash of organic, eco-friendly cleaning products but you pretty much clean everything with a baby wipe or let the dog lick it up.
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6. Coffee
Before kids: Coffee is a perk-me-up enjoyed piping hot. Frequently consumed in the company of other adults while speaking in full sentences while wearing shoes and a bra.
After kids: Coffee is usually consumed cold after being forgotten in the microwave for two or more hours.
Parenthood is awesome, but everything changes — even your vocabulary.
A headline popped up on my Facebook feed this morning that seriously gave me pause: Apparently, a new study is claiming that bed-sharing leads to mental health issues in kids. Yikes! As a long-time co-sleeper myself, the article definitely struck a nerve, and honestly made me feel a little uncomfortable.
I have two boys, ages 4 and 9, who spend a fair amount of the night in my room. They sleep in their own rooms and beds too, but we have an open-door policy here, and most nights, we have at least one boy camped out in our room.
Although I certainly don’t apologize for my parenting choices, it’s hard not to feel as though everything you say or do as a parent is under a microscope sometimes and that you are constantly being judged, especially when some of the choices you make stray from the mainstream — and articles like this one certainly don’t help in the matter.
As it happens, my kids are pretty well adjusted, as are many of the co-sleeping kids I know. My husband and I also slept with our __parents for a good deal of our childhoods, and we turned out to be pretty well-adjusted adults.
Of course, the people I know who co-sleep are only a small portion of the population, and I am not a mental health researcher myself. But my gut has always told me that co-sleeping was not an issue in terms of mental health, so when I read the headline of this recent study, I was kind of dumbfounded.
But I wanted to give it a chance, so I read the study.
The research was published in The Journal Of Affective Disorders, and looked at a sample of 3,583 children from Brazil to assess how bed-sharing affected them as they got older. Some of the participants had never shared a bed with their parents; some had only done so as infants; and a smaller percentage bedshared into later childhood.
The childrens’ mental health was evaluated by child psychiatrists at variable intervals during their lives, up to age six, using the Developmental and Well-Being Assessment. In the end, researchers found that the children who shared a bed with their __parents longest suffered from more mental health issues (like depression, anxiety, and ADHD) than those who didn’t.
The grand conclusion of the researchers was: “Early and persistent bed-sharing is associated with an increased occurrence of internalizing problems at the age of 6 years.”
Did you jaw just drop to the floor? Well, mine did.
Here’s the thing: As a long-term co-sleeper, and “crunchy mom,” I have never thought that everyone should do exactly as I do. I think the way we parent is a very personal choice, and that no one should get to decide how we parent but ourselves. And as much as I have respect for science and like to read the latest studies that come out, I also know that we all need to take what we read with a grain of salt, and that there’s almost always more than one side to an issue.
As I predicted, a quick Internet search led me to a ton of articles and research studies that state the exact opposite findings of this Brazil study. In 2011 for example, the medical journal Pediatrics released a study on the long-terms effects of bed-sharing in children up to the age of 5. And guess what? Researchers in that study found there was no negative association between co-sleeping and behavior or cognitive abilities of the children whatsoever.
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Dr. James McKeena, one of the world’s top co-sleeping researchers (he’s written over 139 scientific articles on the subject!), cites five different research studies in the FAQ section of his website concerning the long-term effects of bed-sharing. He concludes that co-sleeping has many positive long-term benefits, including, “strong independence, social competence, feelings of high self-esteem, strong sexual identities, good comportment by children in school, [and] ability to handle stress.”
And as McKeena noted in an interview with Huffington Post last year, 90% of the world co-sleeps with their kids at one point or another. Yeah, they may not all be as gung-ho about it as I am, but I don’t think I know one parent who hasn’t told me that they co-sleep at least once in a while. In fact, I venture to guess that a lot of parents end up doing it a whole lot more than they’ll admit, since it’s still considered somewhat taboo in our culture to be “out” about it.
So yep — I’m taking this latest research with a grain of salt. Because I just don’t think so many of us can be screwing up our kids that much when we let them snuggle up in bed with us — and it seems that there’s a ton of research to back me up on that belief, too.
Bed-sharing definitely isn’t for everyone, and I’m certainly not saying you should change your sleeping arrangements if they work for you. But as far as I’m concerned, sharing a bed with my kids is one of the most natural, comforting, and peaceful things on earth, and I’m not going to let one study ruin that for me.
Election Day 2016 is right around the corner and __maternity Care Coalition wants to make sure you are ready. Have you registered to vote? Do you know where your polling place is? Do you have an understanding of what each candidate stands for? Below you will find various topics of voter concerns and resources that may be helpful for the upcoming election. Please feel free to utilize these resources, share them via social media or email friends and family.
Important Dates
Last Day to Register to Vote: October 11th
Election Day: November 8th
Voter Registration Information
To register to vote in Pennsylvania, please follow the link here to be redirected to the Pennsylvania Voter Services website.
Absentee Ballot
For more information on absentee ballot voting and to obtain your ballot, please follow the link here to be redirected to Vote411.org.
Polling Place Locator
To find your polling place, please follow the link here to be redirected to the Rock the Vote website. You can also find your polling place via the Pennsylvania State Department’s website by clicking here.
Identification Requirements
The specific requirements vary from State-to-State. However, in Pennsylvania, once you have registered, you do not need to show identification to vote.
For more information, please click here to be redirected to the website for the National Conference of State Legislatures.
Who Can You Vote For?
Candidates from various parties and various levels of office are running for election. Rock the Vote has a great tool that allows you to enter your address in to determine who you are eligible to vote for. To use this tool, please click here to be redirected to the Rock the Vote website.
My name is Rachel, and I’m a type 1 diabetic. My disease is considered chronic, autoimmune, and invisible. Currently, there is no cure for my useless beta cells, so I have to administer insulin through a pump that’s connected to my body at all times.
When I was diagnosed 10 years ago, I was at my rock bottom. I had been ill for a year-and-a-half with unquenchable thirst, constant hunger, extreme fatigue, sudden weight loss, and general weakness. In the later stages, I had numbness in my feet, depression, brain fog, memory loss, and even bed wetting. I visited five medical professionals, and received inaccurate diagnoses ranging from anorexia to hypochondria.
I was sinking.
And then one day, exhausted and breathless, I laid down for a three-hour morning nap. When I wouldn’t pick up my ringing cell phone, my husband rushed home from work, scooped me up in his arms, and rushed me to the ER. It was there that I finally had my answer: I had type 1 diabetes. With numbers so high they were not on medical charts, I was carted to the ICU and spent the next five days in the hospital. I soon learned how to dose and inject insulin, test my blood sugar, and calculate the grams of carbohydrates in the foods I consumed.
Two years later, we brought home our first child: a little girl we adopted at birth. Then two years after that, we adopted another infant girl. Like clockwork, we brought home our son after waiting another two years. And just last month, we adopted another little girl (though this time, we waited four years). The thought of parenting four young children and living with a chronic disease may have once seemed daunting, but I swear it has made me a better mom in the end — and here’s why.
1. I say “no” more often.
Too many mothers confess that they’re exhausted and stressed — and if they’re being honest, it’s often because of their own choosing. They simply cannot bring themselves to say no, either because of pride or guilt. However, since my diagnosis, I say no to opportunities without apology. If it’s not something I’m passionate about and fully committed to, or if it’s going to make my family or my disease suffer in some way, the answer is no.
No, I can’t make eight dozen cookies for the bake sale. No, I can’t be the chaperone for the holiday party. No, my children cannot be in three extracurricular activities each.
Saying “no” isn’t just empowering, it’s stress-reducing. My children hear me saying “no,” and they learn that Mommy knows how to prioritize.
2. I’m committed to self-care.
We’ve all probably heard that same analogy about self-care — it’s just like when the flight attendant reminds us to put the oxygen masks on ourselves before helping the child seated next to us. We can’t take care of others unless we take care of ourselves.
I know, I know; it’s way easier said than done. But for me, self-care is essential to regulating my blood sugars and making sure that not only can I live a less-stressful life, but that I can get out of bed, get dressed, and get my kids where they need to be. Self-care involves eating healthy meals and snacks, exercising, and having time to do what I love: write. Self-care is part of my disease management plan. And by committing to self-care, I’m teaching my kids to do the same: to listen to their bodies, feelings, and hearts and to respond in a healthy way.
3. I’m honest.
My disease is not easy. I experience high blood sugar levels (which make me feel like I have the flu) and low blood sugar levels (rendering me weak and shaky), I attend constant medical appointments (which are expensive and time consuming), and I am always “on” as a diabetic, meaning there is no vacation from my disease. I definitely don’t use my disease as a tool to gain sympathy, but I don’t shy away from letting people know how demanding diabetes can be, either. I’m going to stand up for myself and my needs because if I don’t, who will? Likewise, my children are learning that it’s ok to have bad days and be clear about what they need.
4. I cut myself way more slack.
There are days I simply cannot do the most basic of tasks; days where my disease is winning. Because of this, I have had to learn to give myself a lot of grace. I can eat all the right things, get enough sleep, exercise, and carefully monitor my blood sugars, and sometimes diabetes doesn’t cooperate. I could beat myself up over every decision and every high or low blood sugar, or I can take the higher row, forgiving myself for any mistakes and committing to doing better. I can also see my disease for what it is: a beast that needs to be tamed, but is sometimes beyond my control. Because my children witness my steadfast commitment to my heath which involves grace, they learn that the goal in life isn’t perfectionism, but instead, determination.
5. I appreciate what I have.
My disease is relentless: demanding, cumbersome, angering, confusing. However, I’ve learned to appreciate what my body HAS done for me and how hard it works every day to not only stay alive, but thrive. I’m blessed with the resources to buy healthy foods and attend medical appointments. I have a supportive husband. For everything my disease has taken, and tries to take, from me, there is so much more to be thankful for. My children are witnessing a mom who says, “Diabetes sucks, but it’s not winning.”
Certainly, I hope that one day my disease is cured. I will happily chuck the syringes and vials over the nearest cliff. But until that day comes, I will relish in the lessons my disease teaches me, and subsequently, teaches my children, and I will continue to fight with everything I have.
Image Source: Emmalee Schaumburg of Schaumberg Photography
“NICU Babies Get Special Tiny Halloween Costumes” originally appeared on ABC News and was reprinted with permission.
The babies in the NICU at St. Luke’s Hospital in Kansas City, Missouri, got a special Halloween surprise!
Their nurses and volunteers with The March of Dimes made creative Halloween costumes for them, along with crocheted, candy-filled pumpkins to mimic trick-or-treating.
Image Source: Emmalee Schaumburg of Schaumberg Photography
“The __parents were able to choose their babies’ costumes to match the babies’ personalities,” Michelle Manuel, the hospital’s director of media relations, told ABC News. “The idea is to be able to allow __parents to have a sense of normalcy. In the NICU you might be there for weeks or months and this is to help spend that first Halloween and those special first moments together — make those special family memories with us.”
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The pint-sized, handmade felt costumes range from butterflies to ladybugs to Kansas City Royals players, and of course, superheroes, because “these are our NICU super babies,” said Manuel.
Image Source: Emmalee Schaumburg of Schaumberg Photography
In addition to the sweet Halloween costumes, the volunteers and nurses provided the families with a “trick or treat, smell my feet” card with the newborns’ tiny footprints, a hand-crocheted pumpkin filled with treats and a Halloween book that the parents and their babies can read together next year.
Image Source: Emmalee Schaumburg of Schaumberg Photography
The festive fall idea has had such a positive response that NICU staff are already plotting ideas to celebrate the 12 Days of Christmas.
