My New Year's Resolutions Are All About My Kids

It’s become a cliche at this point, really. New Year’s resolutions are just more little lies we tell ourselves to make us feel better. They look good and make sense on paper.

I’m heading back to the gym. (Sound familiar?)

Time to quit smoking. (Again.)

I’m back on the lemon juice diet until May 1st. (WTF?)

I am going to wake up every day and read ten pages of a classic novel right off the bat, then I’ll burst out of my covers and do 20 minutes of passion-filled yoga, and all before I ever even dare to think about heading down to the Mr Coffee and having another bowl of the Captain Crunch I buy for my kids (for me) even though they don’t even dig Captain Crunch at all.

I guess what I’m saying is this: Why don’t we just switch gears here a little bit? Instead of focusing on things about myself I just might fail at again, this year, my New Year’s Resolutions are gonna be all about my kids. In fact, my resolutions are actually three things I’ve already been doing for a while. I just want to make sure that I keep doing them, you see. I want to make sure that I don’t get lazy or sidetracked or forgetful when it comes to the stuff that matters in my little world — my kids. I think maybe these are the kinds of resolutions that could help you as a mom or dad, way more than being able to fit into the same jeans you wore in 10th grade.

Anyway, give me five minutes, will you? Hear me out. If you’re already doing this stuff, keep it up. If you’re not, I’m hoping I might be giving you the ticket to a very kickass year …

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1. Zooming in and out.

As a dad to three kids ages 5, 3, and 10 months, and as a once-upon-a-time husband now going through a divorce, the extremely simple art and act of constantly looking at my own life from a multitude of angles and vantages has been a real lifesaver for me this past year.

So often, we tend to just get real comfortable seeing our days pass us by from one particular row in the theater, so to speak. Trying to see things from a different perspective can help immensely.

I do that. For me. And for my kids. Even in the actual heat of battle, when my son Henry is having an epic tantrum on the kitchen floor while his sister is asking me for a chocolate milk and their baby brother is spitting up formula and I smell poop, I try and stop myself as I’m losing my mind. Trust me, it doesn’t always work — there are times when I lose my mind and I holler or panic or even feel like I’m going to hurl myself through the window and just run down the road until I hit the woods.

But when it does work, which is more and more frequently, and when I am able to zoom way back on this situation going down around me in real time, and I see me as a character in a film, I am suddenly able to direct myself towards the best possible ending to the scene! Or, if I need to, I can zoom way in, and concentrate on the kid that needs me the most. And by doing that: I can maintain my calm, manufacture enough Zen to get me through the next fifteen minutes, and help the kid who needs me most.

So yeah. I’m gonna keep on doing this in 2015. I have to. I’m a dad. It just makes sense.

—

2. TV time.

Over the past few months, as I set up my own house as a single-dad and struggled with finding and maintaining the necessary grooves that help my kids feel safe and happy, I lost something big. I became this Tasmanian Devil of hyperactivity, hardly ever stopping to just sit down on the couch with my daughter and sons to watch a little Sponge Bob with them or whatever.

But then a few weeks ago, I realized that enough was enough. Certain things, certain chores and all could wait. I had to do it. I needed to be with them, even if just for 20 minutes a day, in a position where they could climb all over my body and stand on my head and stare at me while they poke my face with their Hulk action figures and their stuffed animals. We needed each other to be with each other, if that makes any sense. So now, I’m all about it. I leave dishes in the sink even when I want to get them done, and I collapse onto the couch where they’re jumping around if they’re still wired, or where they’re curled up if they’re getting tired, and I just chill with them for a little while.

And it’s everything to me, man. And to them, too, I just know it. I’m going to keep doing this in 2015. And I’m going to keep doing this until three cocky teenagers see me doing it and then get up slowly and move off to their bedrooms without a word.

—

3. Talk about love.

I lost love this year. I lost my marriage to divorce. And listen, no matter what anyone says about that, no matter how much you did or didn’t want your relationship to end, it still hurts when such a gargantuan potential source of love in your life is suddenly gone. There is a void the size of fifty galaxies that settles in your bones. Where there once was love, blooming and thriving, there is just this nuclear wasteland, winds-a-wailing.

That’s where my kids saved me, I think. Even without knowing it or trying, our kids are a saving grace in this world, just by being here. They heal our broken hearts with a mere glance across the room, a little at a time, never realizing the super-powers they possess.

So I’ve come to understand that I need to tell my kids just what they mean to me. Not in some sappy, overwrought way that spoils them or makes them immune to the power of my compliments either. I get it. I get what I’m doing. I just need to tell them on a daily basis that I love them bigger than a T-rex, and higher than the “Vampire State Building,” and heavier than fifty elephants stood upon their tiny heads.

If you haven’t been saying it as often as you maybe could, well, you’d be surprised how high it can make you, telling a child you love them on a daily basis. You’d be surprised how much juice it can put in your engines.

I’m so damn glad I started doing this. I’m so glad I started getting off on letting them in on my thing for them. And I’m so glad that, as 2015 rolls in like the unstoppable tide of mystery and madness that it’s bound to be, I already know a couple easy ways to roll with the punches life will land upside my head.

These kids, huh? Who knew?

Happy New Year to you and yours.

Image source: Thinkstock

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Hasbro Offers an Exchange on Unfortunately Shaped Play-Doh Toy

It’s the toy that “ruined Christmas” —  at least according to Twitter. Play-Doh’s “2-piece extruder” used for dispensing “icing” has been described as, well, a little too phallic for comfort.

The Internet had a field day after thousands of kids across the country eagerly tore open their Play-Doh Sweet Shoppe Cake Mountain play sets, and much to their parent’s horror, revealed a rather questionably shaped accessory. We’re not just talking “oh from a certain angle I guess you could see that.” We’re talking “how could that have EVER passed for anything else?” Yeah, it’s that bad. (Or that good, depending on how you want to look at it.)

Reactions on Play-Doh’s official Facebook page ranged from outrage (though these have largely been deleted):

I dunno if anyone else follows Play-Doh on Facebook but you should cause they're doing some serious damage control pic.twitter.com/TooleS5PgE

To amused:

Stefanie Edwards Griffin I bought the kit for my daughter .. Honestly I cried laughing !! She is too young to even know what the tool resembles Well done design team you guys are hilarious

Rocky K My mom wants to know what number to call to get a bigger one shipped out.

And then there were others who really didn’t see what the fuss was all about:

Kimberley Heritage I bought this my daughter & genuinely didn’t notice – why would a child?! Some vulgar minds about!

While it’s a fair point that the kids probably have no idea what it looks like, something still doesn’t sit right with us about the idea of a three-year-old playing with a “toy” that looks like it could have been bought at the Romantic Depot. An icing dispenser? Really, Play-Doh? It’s surprising to think that no one across their design, management, or marketing teams questioned the shape before it hit shelves.

Now Hasbro is left doing some serious damage control by offering to exchange the toy for anyone who feels the 3+ age group is a little too young for that talk:

We have heard some consumer feedback about the extruder tool in the Play-Doh Cake Mountain playset and are in the process of updating all future Play-Doh products with a different tool. Should any consumer want a replacement extruder for this item, they can contact Hasbro’s Customer Service Department at 800-327-8264.

Would you be okay with your child playing with this toy? Tell us in the comments!

Image courtesy of Amazon

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The Lack of Diversity in Books and Movies Hurts All of Our Kids

Whenever I visit my folks with my son Felix, there are two 10-year-old girls who like to come to their house play. Over the holiday, we were all watching TV and saw an advertisement for the remake of the movie Annie, staring Quvenzhané Wallis (as Annie) and Jamie Foxx (as the Daddy Warbucks-esque character). My wife loves Annie, and she and Felix were watching the ad with excitement. One of the girls, however, didn’t share their sentiment. “My dad says he can’t see Annie black,” she explained.

When Felix seemed interested in it, the girl said to my wife in concern, “No, you have to take him to see the original Annie.”

Meaning, the white Annie.

Obviously people often feel loyalty toward originals of any work, but since this bias seemed based on Annie’s race alone, it was pretty troubling, especially coming out of the mouth of a 10-year-old.

This incident made me think a little more deeply the next day, when Felix and I were at a book store to buy a book for his class Secret Santa. All we knew was that he was playing Santa to a girl. But since his class is predominantly African American, I thought about that Annie conversation in the book store. If I were an African-American girl, would that change the way I saw these books? I couldn’t think of, nor could I find, a single book on the early reader’s shelf that featured an African-American character.

Sadly, this isn’t surprising. A study by the Cooperative Children’s Book Center at the University of Wisconsin found that of 3,200 kids books published in 2013, just 67 were authored by African Americans, and only 93 centered on black characters. In a moving essay in The New York Times last spring, just a few months before he died, author Walter Dean Myers wrote of how the lack of diversity in kid’s publishing harms not just children of color — who usually don’t see themselves represented in stories except as victims of slavery or civil rights injustices — but white kids as well. Children build a sense of their world through reading, and if white children have no models of thinking, feeling, active, fully-realized characters of color, then it is easy for dehumanizing stereotypes and prejudice to take hold. As Myers writes,

Books transmit values. They explore our common humanity. What is the message when some children are not represented in those books? Where are the future white personnel managers going to get their ideas of people of color? Where are the future white loan officers and future white politicians going to get their knowledge of people of color? Where are black children going to get a sense of who they are and what they can be?

This isn’t to imply that all books featuring characters of color need to grapple with deep issues of race, class, and privilege. Far from it. Part of exploring our common humanity is seeing the ways in which people are fundamentally similar the world over. We all need love, and enjoy companionship, playing games in the sunshine, eating good food (though our tastes may differ), and so on. Ezra Jack Keats, the white male author whose 1962 Caldecott Award-winning picture book The Snowy Day features an African-American boy named Peter playing in an urban winter wonderland, was inspired by photographs in Life magazine that featured a young black boy getting a routine injection at the doctor’s office. “Then began an experience that turned my life around,” Keats wrote, “working on a book with a black kid as hero. None of the manuscripts I’d been illustrating featured any black kids — except for token blacks in the background. My book would have him there simply because he should have been there all along.”

Keats’ book is beautiful — a true classic — but to quote Jay-Z, “That ain’t enough, we gonna need a million more.” Jay was referring to the small number of black people in elite positions in our society, but the same could go of black characters in literature and film.

One challenge to diversity in children’s books is that titles featuring characters of color in primary roles don’t sell as well as ones with white characters, and so aren’t picked up by publishers. Books with non-white characters suffer from lack of exposure in part because publishers don’t promote them well, but also because bookstores, libraries, and online retailers sometimes ghettoize these books in out-of-the-way multicultural sections.

Additionally, while there are any number of white authors out there, it seems as though only a handful of authors of color thrive in the market at any given time. Bookstores may favor this small number of authors and give them shelf-exposure, but not make an effort to find others. And, sadly, Ezra Jack Keats aside, many white authors continue to shy away from depicting black characters in any but the most marginal of roles.

Of course, the low sales are part of a vicious circle. The We Need Diverse Books campaign, which raised over $181,000 in an Indiegogo campaign this fall, is working to change that. Their programs include a school initiative that brings a different book featuring a non-white character into classrooms every month; grants named after Walter Dean Myers (“The Walter”) for up-and-coming, unpublished diverse authors and illustrators; and funds to provide young people of color internships in publishing, thereby giving them a foot in the industry’s door.

If you look around online, you can find trolls complaining when Marvel changes the race or gender of hallowed characters, as they did for Nick Fury (who began his comic book existence as a white man, but now resembles Samuel Jackson, who plays Fury in the movie) or Thor (who is currently a woman). Jamie Foxx, who plays the Daddy Warbucks character in the new Annie, addressed this adroitly, telling The Daily Beast that no one rolls an eye when white actors are cast in Middle-Eastern roles, like Christian Bale playing Moses, or Liz Taylor Cleopatra, so what’s the big deal when black actors feature in Hollywood roles that have traditionally gone to white actors? While the Screen Actors Guild hasn’t made available up-to-date or comprehensive statistics on diversity in the film industry, the group does offer financial incentives for projects that include actors of color, as well as women, seniors, and actors with disabilities, so if they’re literally paying filmmakers to diversify their casts then the stats can’t be good.

All parents need to provide their kids libraries at home that feature a cast of characters who don’t look like their kids, and that requires intentionally seeking out such stories. Because if we’re not putting our money where our values are, then publishers and producers will feel no pressure to broaden the diversity on screen or page, and our children will grow up without being challenged to think about issues of diversity. They’ll internalize the white-centric image of the world that they see in their narratives without question.

I feel generally hopeful about the future of diversity in our culture. I’m excited to see the new Star Wars movie, which appears to feature African-American actors in key roles, and also Marvel’s Black Panther movie. Jacqueline Woodson’s Brown Girl Dreaming just made headlines when it won the National Book Award for children, and you can find lists of books that feature diverse characters on the We Need Diverse Books website, and also here on The Brown Bookshelf and The Guardian. Our future will be, I believe, a more colorful one on the page and screen, but also in our places of work and our government, but only if we work now to lay that groundwork for our kids.

Image source: Thinkstock

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10 foods that cleanse the liver

In the past, I talked about my favorite food cleaning. This list is a bit more specific and mainly focuses on foods that can help cleanse the liver. Besides taking a supplement liver cleansing and applying at least two year clean liver and gallbladder, eat the following foods is the best way to keep your liver healthy and work the way you need. I encourage you to incorporate these foods into your weekly diet liver cleansing.

1. Garlic

Only a small amount of this pungent bulb has the ability to activate liver enzymes that help your body eliminate toxins. Garlic also contains large amounts of allicin and selenium, two natural compounds that help cleanse the liver.

2. Grapefruit

Both the top and the antioxidants vitamin C, grapefruit increases the natural processes of cleansing the liver. A freshly squeezed grapefruit juice will help stimulate the production of liver detoxification enzymes that help eliminate carcinogens and other toxins.

3. Beets and carrots

 

Both are extremely rich in flavonoids and plant-beta-carotene; eat beets and carrots can help stimulate and improve liver function in general.

4. Green Tea

This magnet is filled liver plant antioxidants known as catechins beverage, a compound known to help liver function. Green tea is not only delicious, it's also a great way to improve your overall diet. Learn more about the benefits of green tea.

5. Leafy vegetables

One of our strongest allies cleansing the liver, leafy greens can be eaten raw, cooked or juiced. Extremely rich in chlorophyll in plants, green vacuum environmental toxins from the bloodstream. With its distinctive ability to neutralize heavy metals, pesticides and chemicals, cleaning these foods provide a powerful mechanism to protect the liver.

Try to include green leafy vegetables like bitter gourd, arugula, dandelion leaves, spinach, mustard, chicory and your diet. This will help increase the creation and flow of bile, a substance that eliminates waste of organs and blood.

6. Lawyers

This super rich in nutrients helps the body produce glutathione, a compound that is necessary for the liver to purify harmful toxins.

7. Apples

Rich in pectin, apple keep the chemicals necessary for the body to cleanse and release toxins from the digestive system. This in turn facilitates the liver to treat toxic load during the cleaning process.

8. Olive oil

Cold pressed organic oils such as olive oil seeds, hemp and flax are perfect for the liver when used in moderation. They help the body lipid core can suck toxins in the body. Thus, some of liver burden is accurate in terms of toxic overload many of us suffer.

9. Alternative grains

Not only do you have alternative grains like quinoa, corn, wheat and their diet is that if you have wheat, wheat flour or other whole grains in your diet, it's time to make changes. The liver is the filter body of toxins, and cereals containing gluten are full of them. A study last year found that people who suffered gluten sensitivity test also had abnormal liver enzymes, and this is just one of many.

10. Lemons and Limes

These citrus fruits contain high amounts of vitamin C, which helps the body to synthesize toxic substances into substances that can be absorbed by the water. Drink freshly squeezed lemon or lime juice in the morning helps stimulate the liver.

Why My Daughter's Second Haircut Left Me in Tears

It took what felt like forever for my daughter’s hair to grow when she was a baby. My little blondie was always mistaken for a boy because her hair was so short for so long. As it finally started to get longer, I noticed little curls forming on the ends. They were so cute and quite a surprise as my husband and I both have straight blonde hair.

Month by month her blond hair would grow and the curls would get longer and longer. We had fun playing with bows, practicing different hair styles, and just playing with her blonde locks.

When she was four years old she got her very first haircut. It was a bit emotional for me because it was such a wait to get her hair as long as it was, but it was definitely time for a trim. Harlan was wonderful during the haircut and loved being pampered in the stylist’s chair. The cut made her hair look healthier and while it could have been not noticeable for some, it was a big milestone for both of us. Even with this little cut, she still had those spiriling curls in the back.

Just last weekend I took Harlan for her second haircut. She sat in the chair, just as she had last year with a smile on her face — ready to be pampered. The hair stylist cut, blow dried, and then gave her a little braid in the front. She came over to me with a huge smile telling me how much she loved it. She looked so proud and so beautiful.

I was so in awe of how happy she was that it took me a few days to notice something that nearly broke my heart. When Harlan gets out of the bath each night, she sits on my lap and we chat while I brush her hair. Yesterday she mentioned that she wanted me to blow dry it for her. Wanting to spend the quality time with her by giving her this special treat, I agreed. As I brushed her hair while drying it, I noticed that all of those curls that had formed a few years earlier were now gone.

I was holding my tears in as I finished her hair. I kept it together as I turned her around to look at me, telling her how beautiful she looked. She thanked me, gave me a kiss, and quickly ran to pick out a dress to wear for the day. The moment she was out the door, the tears started streaming down my face.

Those curls were the last bit of her babyhood. They were the only sign that my oldest daughter was still my little girl. That was it. My baby was gone and my big girl shined bright.

The curls were my way of stopping time. My way of holding onto my baby girl and slowing her down from growing up. It was selfish, I know, but they were something that I cherished. I didn’t think I would be as sentimental about it as I was, but it’s one of those moments that just catches you off guard.

With each moment and milestone that we watch our child go through, brings emotions of both joy and sadness. Happiness as we watch them flourish and become a wonderful young person, but sadness that with each milestone, they are breaking away from us just a little bit more.

Those curls were the reality that time doesn’t stand still and that my children are growing quickly before my eyes. It made me much more appreciative of these little moments with her. It’s then that I can make mental notes of what she looks like, how she acts, things she says, at every single stage.

Image courtesy of Lauren Jimeson

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I Don't Want My Name On My Daughter's Birth Certificate

Any day now, I’ll be given a new birth certificate for my daughter, Clementine. Her first mother and father’s names will be erased — and mine will replace them. The date on her birth certificate will accurately reflect the date on which she was born in February of 2013. Except that I will be listed as the woman who gave birth to her, in the hospital where she was born.

I find it to be bizarre — and insulting as an adoptee myself — that in 2014 this is still our common practice. Something that is a record of a “birth,” effectively becomes a lie — falsified — after an adoption, and nowhere on the certificate is this fact revealed. Just because I’ve become her mother doesn’t mean I gave birth to her. I was never a patient at that hospital. It will be as if Clementine’s real birth didn’t happen.

Swapping out a birth mother’s name for an adoptive mother’s name on the birth certificate is rooted in this country’s history of secrecy and shame that has historically surrounded adoption — and I understand the complex reasons in which past generations chose to alter birth certificates. Before the 1980s, most adoptions were considered closed and done anonymously. However, according to a 2012 report in the Washington Times, 95% of adoptions in the U.S. are “open” which means that at a minimum, the birth parents and adoptive parents know one another’s names. Here in 2014, most of us who adopt celebrate and even broadcast the circumstances under which we became parents. We share Facebook pages with our children’s birth parents and have birthday parties that include a combination of biological and adoptive family members. At the very least, a birth certificate should record the truth of an adoptee’s arrival into the world. It doesn’t have to have glitter or flare, it just needs to be honest.

I will likely never get to see my own original birth certificate. In the state of Florida, I do not have legal access as an adoptee. Nonetheless, I found my birth parents — but ironically, they can’t legally obtain my birth certificate either. I sometimes think about how there is a piece of paper sitting in a file, probably in a warehouse somewhere, that is my birth certificate. Hypothetically, somebody — some state official — could look at it if they wanted to. But I can’t. It’s a strange feeling. I didn’t want Clementine to have the same experience, so I snagged a copy of her original birth certificate while she was still technically a foster child. In fact, her adoption was delayed by a few months because the foster agency wanted me to give them my copy of her birth certificate and I wasn’t giving it up. Maybe I put unnecessary meaning into it, but I hoarded it like it was my own.

In today’s day and age, there’s no reason why a birth certificate does not simply include a section for adoptive parents’ names. If a birth mother or father wishes to remain anonymous, their names could simply be redacted and not replaced. Why not just include a box check option on birth certificates that would give birth parents the option of declaring whether or not they want their names revealed, or kept secret until the child turns 18.

Until this happens, I wish I could refuse my daughter’s falsified birth certificate in protest. Short of that, I’m glad that I kept her original (correct) birth certificate. Her birth parents gave her life and gave me the gift of their child — and their names matter.

Image source: Thinkstock

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How Loving My Child Finally Helped Me Love Myself

“You know he’s exactly like you,” my dad said, nodding to the 5-year-old boy singing a made-up tune in the background.

I do know, actually. It’s not something I like to broadcast, for fear of being “that mom” who narcissistically sees her child as an extension of herself, but holy smokes. I see it constantly. I’ve seen it from the time he was a toddler — the mannerisms, the playtime obsessions, the quirky personality and imagination. So much reminds me of a little girl I used to know, beyond old photos and home movies and family lore. Back to some part of my mind that recognizes a similar spark behind the eyes, a familiar something.

It pops up at the weirdest times, too. A few years back — he must have been 3 years old at the time — the two of us were huddled on my bed, comforter pulled over our heads as we muffled our giggles from the big, scary Daddy Monster. And there in that darkened space, I could have sworn that I was looking at the child version of myself. It lasted for a brief flash — like a déjà vu experience — but in that moment, I was flooded with love. Not just love for my son, but love for myself. For the very first time, I saw my purest self from an outside perspective — a loving, motherly perspective — and I could accept myself fully, down to my core. Even though it was only a quick trick of the mind, I know that my heart widened that afternoon, under those covers.

Even so, my dad’s validation surprised me. You see — that’s not the image I had of myself as a child. In my mind, I was the bossy older sister, a “mother hen” as my mom has said. I heard stories of my screaming tantrums, like how I’d bang my head against the hardwood floor when I didn’t get my way. I’ve heard that my attitude was atrocious, that I was a handful, that I was a precocious know-it-all. In my mind, I was annoying. Broken. Unlikeable.

When I relayed this to my dad, he looked shocked.

“What? You were exactly like him. That was you as a kid,” he said pointing to my joyful boy. “A carbon copy.”

Looking at my son again, I certainly saw bossy, stubborn, and precocious tendencies — but that’s not the full picture. I more see strength, charisma, determination, intelligence. My parents were horrified to know what kind of image stuck with me all this time, given that their own memories were quite fond — they remember me the same way I see my son. But for whatever reason — the particular stories that were told and retold during holidays, the language they used to describe me, the assumptions I absorbed throughout the years — I held a pretty negative image of my earliest prototype. (Parents, beware of how you speak to and about your child. Your opinions and anecdotes become sticky beliefs that hold way more weight than you’ll intend.) And for reasons beyond our control, those images of our child selves can color our self-esteem for years.

Now that I think about it, there is one glaring difference between my son and me: confidence. Insecurity was the biggest issue that plagued my life — the common denominator in so many problems. It would have been nice to see myself the way that I see my son — to see more good than bad, and to know that the “bad” is okay too. It would have been nice to feel that unconditional acceptance and love from myself, to myself.

I’m not the only one who’s experienced this phenomenon of self-love via motherhood. As my sister and I were looking through our parent’s collection of sloppy handmade Christmas ornaments, many featuring awkward school pictures, she stared at her third grade photo and said, “I always hated my eyebrows growing up, but now that I see the same eyebrows on Ben [her son], I think they were pretty cute!”

Perspective.

The two of us mused over our unexpected appreciation for ourselves, inside and out, from seeing our formerly hated traits manifest in our children. How cathartic, healing, this motherhood thing can be — from deepening our understanding and compassion toward our parents (they loved us just like this?!), to looking back at our childhood selves with a softer, more tender viewpoint.

I wished a thousand wishes for a little boy who would be a miniature version of the man I love (his father), and now I’m selfishly grateful to have a tiny “me” — not because I assume we’re the same person (he has his individuality, for sure), but because I’m finally able to extend that motherly love inward, to the little girl who never liked herself much.

“There, there; you’re okay just the way you are,” I whisper to the boy in my lap, and to the girl in my heart.

And she finally feels it.

Images courtesy of Michelle Horton

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Before Christmas turkey, trees, ornaments

How famous Georgian

 

What was the holiday season as before turkeys and trees? Caroline McGhie visit the house in Spitalfields breaks Dennis particular

It's hard to imagine before Christmas Victorian has his hands on it and wrapped sentimentality and garlands. But there is a very old house in Spitalfields arthritic London where you can still enjoy the experience. Gateway back in Folgate Street, everything is cold and dark. The only heat comes from the chimneys, the only light and flickering candles filter gray sadness when the wings are open.

There is a smell of the forest floor and spices. David Milne in his baker's apron, sewing fir garlands dotted with clementines to hang from the ceiling of the room. He is the curator of this extraordinary home, cared for 15 years and sometimes sleeps here.

This garland of fruit, wood and flowers that resemble wood carvings decorated 18th century Grinling Gibbons, who wove their magic in Hampton Court, the Cathedral of St. Paul and Blenheim Palace. "The use of green was pagan and returned to classical mythology," David said. The Christmas tree as we know, did not get his first role until the coverage Illustrated London News is Queen Victoria in 1848, so there was no turning back.

David is preparing for a night in which historians, fans of the Georgian era, local celebrities - including TV presenter Dan Cruickshank and local artists, perhaps, Gilbert and George - come. Jeanette Winterson, owner of green coffee slow food in Spitalfields Market, located so you can not be there. Wassail Bowl, a huge trunk, grated scarlet silk curves down the stairs, and gingerbread men among kitchen utensils copper helps create a festive atmosphere.

The piece de resistance in the dining room is a beautiful black swan mounted on a ceramic substrate with a chandelier above that David has with fresh oranges between fixtures. No raisins, nuts, candied fruits and grenades. "What we take for granted today were tremendous luxury and made in North Africa and Spain," he said. The famous house a mix of periods of King George, William IV and during the reign of Queen Victoria.

 

The Georgians loved their gelatins and puddings. David setbacks as mussels and small castles copper melting jelly flashing in the dark as defective gems. "The cakes were made of ox tongue and other meats that can put in our hands, fruits and spices. Later, the meat was abandoned and only had fruit pies, spices and fat in them." King George was supposed to have eaten plum pudding, as part of its first monarch of Christmas dinner in 1714, which was known as the "sausage king".

How to Sleep like a Baby

It’s 3:00 a.m. where are you? Most people would probably be asleep. However, for a large majority of people, it is near impossible for them to get a good nights rest. Without it, they are unable to focus well, they have low energy, and let’s face it, they are usually in a not so good mood. Is there anything that the sleep deprived can do in order to help give their body the much needed sleep it needs? Aside from counting sheep, which rarely works, try some of the suggestions below.

First, start out by examining your bedroom for sleep distractions. Sleep distractions would be such things as clutter, the color of the paint, the noise level, etc. If your room is painted in bright, electrifying colors, you may want to consider painting it a soothing cool color. A pale green or a soothing blue would be good choices. You can’t expect to be able to sleep if the paint in your bedroom is so bright that it looks like an airport runway.

If your room is cluttered, consider scheduling a spring cleaning day and get rid of all those unwanted sleep thieves. If a room is cluttered, it gives our mind more things to focus on and think about during the night instead of sleep. Your bedroom is supposed to be your sanctuary, and let’s face it, who wants piles of bills or junk mail in their sanctuary? Not too many people.

As far as the noise level goes, this is different for each person. Some people enjoy some form of noise while they sleep and may even purchase a noise machine, while others have to have quiet. If you fall into the latter category, try purchasing some heavy drapes to see if they block out any of the unwanted noise. While the drapes probably won’t get rid of every unwanted noise, you will notice a big difference.

Next, try not to exercise before going to bed. I’m not saying don’t exercise at all, because exercise is good for us, but we all know that exercise releases endorphins which amp us up. You can’t expect to be able to go to sleep if you feel like you could run a marathon. Try to keep exercise to either early in the mornings or to around four hours before bedtime. This will give your body time to calm down and will help you to drift off to sleep much easier.

Another suggestion to help you get a good nights sleep would be to take a nice warm bath just before you are ready to go to bed. The warm bath will not only help you to relax physically, but it will also give your brain some time to unwind as well. It doesn’t have to be a long bath, just 10 or 15 minutes should do the trick. As you are letting the water out of the tub, picture your troubles and cares being washed down the drain. A mind that is not burdened with troubles is a mind that can easily drift off to sleep.

Lighting is another issue that effects sleep. If your bedroom window lets the light of a nearby street light into your bedroom, you might want to try some of those room darkening curtains to eliminate that problem. If you can’t find any or can’t afford them, try putting a quilt up instead. If your curtain rods are sturdy, they will usually hold up the extra weight of the quilt. Either of these two things will help darken your bedroom and help you drift off to what could be the best nights sleep you’ve had in a while.

Of course, don’t forget to flip your mattress every so often to keep it from getting worn. However, if your mattress is not in good shape and you can’t afford to buy a new one (because we know they don’t come cheap), consider buying a mattress topper. This will give you the sense of a new mattress, but will cost you a fraction of the price. Toppers come in a variety of styles, and it is up to you to find the one that suits your needs.

The last tip, try and keep the temperature in your bedroom at a comfortable level. You don’t want the temperature too hot or too cold. You want it just right. Again, it is up to you, as an individual, to decide what your perfect temperature is. Try these few tips out and see if they help you get the peaceful nights slumber your body has been missing. Pleasant dreams sleep deprived.

18 Awesome #TBT Photos from Christmas Morning

This week I have been so frazzled: last-minute shopping, deadlines at work, holiday programs at my son’s school, a house to clean. I imagine many of us are going through the ringer and running around as fast as we can just to get it all done. It’s all about getting to our Christmas mornings, right?

We want to witness the magic of discovery and awe. We want to be swept away by the feelings of togetherness and love: family. We want to embrace traditions and, oh my goodness, we REALLY want to put our feet up and maybe, if we are lucky, take a nap.

When we were kids, Christmas mornings were so special. Every little thing wowed me. Santa used to put the silliest things in my stocking and I would completely lose my mind. Playing cards! Rubber bands! Flavored toothpaste!! It was the element of surprise and the unexpected.

Every year I diligently wrote Santa and politely asked for specific gifts, and every year I wondered if they would arrive. I never assumed. Not once. My favorite moment from all of my childhood Christmas mornings was the anticipation. It was always gift-wrapped in hope, and I was never disappointed.

I know I am not the only one who will be celebrating this morning and also thinking back to Christmas mornings from the past. It’s pretty awesome to have a little something to do with the magic now. Take a look at these fun #TBT photos from Christmas mornings of yore:

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Boy's Long-Awaited Christmas Wish Finally Comes True

Santa is on his way tonight (we hope you’re ready!) but this little boy’s Christmas wish has already come true. While some kids are hoping to wake up to LEGOs or a doll house under the tree, since he was two years old Ethan has only ever dreamed of being a big brother. After a long wait, his parents were finally able to surprise him with the news that his wish is coming true  — though he didn’t quite get the message right away!

From the card that read “to a wonderful brother” (which Ethan found “strange”) to the sonogram (which Ethan thought was a photo of himself as a baby) it definitely takes longer than expected for him to put two and two together. But the look on his face when he finally realizes the surprise is priceless and will have you smiling (and maybe tearing up) all day long.

Watch the video above to see for yourself.

Video courtesy of YouTube

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This Mom's Excellent Reason for Canceling Christmas for Her Son

We’ve all heard the stories of parents threatening to cancel Christmas; in fact, I think I’m guilty of throwing this idea out there myself in odd moments of rage and there’s the recent tale of one Utah family actually going through with the threat. While in most instances that we hear of canceled Christmases, it’s for reasons of entitled children or kids acting especially naughty. But in the UK, a single mother has canceled Christmas for her 11-year-old son for a pretty good reason: so she can scrape together the £20,000 needed to pay his private school fees.

Kelly Bradford, a 41-year-old single mom, said she would rather spend her earnings on her son William’s education than on presents and a turkey dinner. Instead, her youngster will get a Miranda DVD (costing under $20) before eating whatever they can find in the fridge as a festive lunch. Now, while those among you may think this is rather drastic, I think this mom has her son’s best interests at heart and should be met with understanding rather than judgment.

In an interview with the Sunday Mirror, she admitted that she didn’t have the best start in life at the school she went to, so she’s determined that her son will have the best education she can buy:

“State schools don’t give kids a good start in life. I went to one up the road and it was the worst start I could have had. I vowed if I had children of my own I would give them a better start. [In my day] There were big classes, bad behavior, bullying and a lack of care for what happened to kids afterwards. I reckon things have only got worse. I left school at 16 and worked as a secretary — I had no qualifications so it has taken me almost 25 years to fight my way into a job I enjoy.”

Clearly this mom has struggled in life and doesn’t want her to son to do the same. In her mind, a private school education is the key to a bright future. What she fails to see is that her own story of leaving school without qualifications means that her determination and hard work has paid off; this is something she should be proud of and traits that no doubt she would want her son to emulate.

Surprisingly the idea of canceling Christmas (or at least the expense of Christmas traditions) wasn’t a difficult one for her:

“I see what state school kids are like on the buses around where I live — shouting and swearing. I don’t want my son anywhere near that. If it means seeing him disappointed on Christmas Day, that’s the way it has to be. People might call me a Scrooge but I’m not. I would love to have a table groaning with treats and piles of presents for William. But the fact is that my son’s ­education is more important to me than his happiness on one day of the year, so I’d rather cancel Christmas because I know he’ll thank me later.”

But will he thank her later? Or will he always remember the sad Christmases where he only received one small gift and the day wasn’t special at all? Who can tell. They key thing here is that Bradford clearly has her son’s best interests at heart and wants to provide for him in the best way she can.

Hasn’t Christmas become too big anyway? Haven’t we lost the true meaning of it: the Nativity story and the idea of celebrating the arrival of Christianity and doing good for others? Hasn’t it all been replaced with tacky trees, mountains of gifts, and insanely priced tickets for holiday shows and trips to see Santa? These days, it feels like Christmas begins mid-November and ends somewhere in January. I’m certain that as a child, Christmas was about caroling concerts at my church, tree decorating mid-December, a nativity play at school, a few gifts from Santa, a wonderful roast, and watching the Queen’s speech on TV. It all feels rather tame in comparison to the events, gift lists, and endless parties and festivities that roll on now-a-days.

So in my mind, this mom is doing the right thing. She still has a gift for her son, and he understands why she needs to work the hours she does and that a good education costs money. After all, what is one day compared to many days he will spend enjoying life at his school?

Image source: Thinkstock phtoos

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School Bans Santa Claus from Holiday Concert

Clearly inappropriate for children. BANNED!

Sigh. Here we go again. Yet another example of the simplemindedness that is prevalent in, ironically, our public education system. The principal of a school in Massachusetts sacked Santa the day before the annual winter concert. Parents tell CBS Boston that the concert traditionally closes with Santa running through the aisle but a parent complained, so the principal sent a letter home to parents which said in part:

“I am writing to you today to inform you of a change in our concert series this winter. Our First through Fourth grade concert as well as our Kindergarten concert will not include a visit from Santa Claus this year.”

Robert Thompson, who has two kids in the The Andrew Peabody School in Cambridge, is understandably upset. “I don’t think it’s right, and I know a lot of people agree with me,” said Thompson. “It seems like that’s what’s going on in America – the squeaky wheel gets oil. It’s a shame.”

Cambridge Superintendent Jeffrey Young backed his principal’s decision. “Our mission is around education. Santa’s not on the top of my list. … I just don’t know why he has to be in the school,” he told the Boston Globe.

No, Santa doesn’t have to be in the school but what’s the big deal? And what’s the complaint? That Santa is a religious figure? Get out. The Santa Claus we know and love is basically the result of Coca-Cola ads in the 1950s. A fat, jolly man who brings toys.

So let me get this right: more and more schools are ditching Halloween fun because it’s a pagan holiday and we can’t mix church and state yet the pledge of allegiance (“One nation under God”) is okay? But Santa is out and while we’re drunk with power, NO MORE BROWNIES either!  What is going on, people? It’s all in the name of fun for the kids and if Santa and his bag ain’t your thing, how hard is it to explain that the Santa we know (and love!) isn’t a real guy but was created over time to help celebrate a fun holiday? Or hey! How about using it as an educational opportunity to teach your kids about Saint Nicholas who was famous for his generous gifts to the poor (what a jerk! ban him!) and who the modern Santa is based on?

As Nick Gillespie from TIME notes in an article bemoaning the fact that schools are dropping Halloween celebrations at an alarming rate, “we are a society that is so scared of its own shadow that we can’t even enjoy ourselves anymore. We live in fear of what might be called the killjoy’s veto, where any complaint is enough to destroy even the least objectionable fun.”

Santa Claus running through the aisles at the end of a holiday concert is most certainly the least objectionable fun. What kind of jerk do you have to be to actually complain about that? And what kind of idiot (the principal of The Andrew Peabody School, apparently) do you have to be to take a complaint about Santa seriously? This viewpoint is completely disconnected from the reality of what’s being celebrated during the holiday season.

Schools are a place of learning and every student should be encouraged to understand and experience all types of social, national, and even religious holidays or events. It is up to parents and schools to put what the students learn into context, not outright ban something because it doesn’t fit with one family’s set of beliefs. I’m not Jewish but my kindergartener has been learning about Hanukkah at school and I fully support that. Not only that, but I sent her to a Catholic pre-school where she learned about Jesus and I encouraged that as well. Guess what? I’m agnostic. Yet where I’m lacking faith in God I have full faith in my ability to put all religions as well as Santa Claus into context for my children. I don’t believe in limiting my children’s exposure to certain things because we don’t believe in them, on the contrary, I believe in exposing my kids to everything so that I can be the first one to answer any questions that arise as a result of the experience.

What’s next, Friendship Day instead of the horror that is Valentine’s Day? Sheesh, America. Lighten up.

Image source: Monica Bielanko

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6 Ways to Avoid Christmas Burnout

Christmas is almost here! If you read that and thought, “Oh no …” well, I feel you. Excitement is running high around our house, but so, too, is the stress. Which is kind of crazy, because, as my wife put it the other day, “this year, for once, we’re actually on top of things.” Still, though, the pace of life in the days right before Christmas is hectic, and there are always last-minute chores to fit in around all the usual hustle-bustle of working, parenting, and keeping house.

And what’s more, the real holiday pressure is greater than any one chore. As parents, we have a responsibility to our children to orchestrate a happy holiday — to make sure the days are packed with special events, delicious food, presents — and to be in a good enough mood that we’re not mom and dadzillas, stomping around breathing fire at the slightest provocation. Because make no doubt, there will be provocations. The patterns you’ve been establishing since September, routines that are probably just starting to feel familiar, will be disrupted by a long break from school. Waiting patiently for Santa to arrive is challenging for every kid, and especially for my five-year-old Felix, that excitement can bubble over into a “I don’t know what to do with myself” funk of whining and moping.

It’s enough to push any sane parent over the edge, and this morning I found myself in the holiday doldrums, wishing I could just blast Charli XCX and dance around the kitchen instead of doing any work, Christmas-related or otherwise. After doing just that, I promised myself that this year, I wouldn’t burn out in the next few weeks. Here’s my plan:

1. Do as much in advance as possible.

The presents, of course, have to be purchased in advance, but there’s all sorts of other things you can do too. Prepare appetizers, for instance. Later today I’ll be making hummus, and spiced nuts. When I was growing up, my uncle used to make a list of all the dishes he would need for Christmas dinner and he’d lay that out in advance of the meal, so they were all at the ready. Look for what you can do now to make tomorrow easier.

2. Take shortcuts when you can.

Yesterday, I shopped for most of our Christmas delicacies. The fridge is stacked with a plethora of cheeses and a small garden’s worth of veggies, and our bar has enough liquor to keep us seeing double for weeks. Despite all that food, for dinner last night Felix ate a hot dog and my wife and I ordered in Mexican food. Why? Because the next few days will be spent largely in the kitchen, listening to holiday tunes and whipping up a bunch of our favorite dishes, so last night we let someone else do the cooking. Look for these shortcuts when you can. Get pizza for dinner. Buy bagels for breakfast, or pastries you can just pop in the oven and warm. Put off vacuuming. Just do the dishes once a day. No need to add on more chores to your already long to-do list.

3. Manage your expectations.

And while we’re taking shortcuts, let’s reduce those expectations too. Our memories are funny things: we recall the highlights and low points, but often forget the long stretches where not much happened. I remember Christmas mornings of my childhood with great clarity. What I forget is how, in the middle of the day, my dad would take a nap, my mom would lay on the couch to watch a holiday movie, and my little brother and I would retreat to our own corners of the living room to play or read, hardly talking to one another. Not every moment has to be the best. Just like Santa, the perfect Christmas exists in our dreams and perhaps our memories, but not reality.

4. Split up the work and cooperate.

Don’t play the martyr and try to do it all alone. Communicate clearly with your partner and other family members about what they can do to help. If you’re hosting Christmas or New Year’s Eve dinner, divvy up the responsibilities — ask everyone to bring something. This year, since I work from home while my wife is in the office, she took care of all the online shopping while I hit the brick-and-mortar stores. Get the kids involved too! On Christmas afternoon, we’ll be making homemade ravioli together (Felix loves operating the pasta machine). The holidays are a family affair. Don’t just share the fun, share the work too.

5. Make time to enjoy yourselves as a couple.

There is the holiday magic that you weave for your kids, and then there is the holiday magic that’s just for you and your partner. It’s like a holiday within a holiday. You might not have a lot of time to spend together alone — on Christmas Eve night, for example, my wife and I will be too busy playing Santa to do much else — but try to find a couple minutes under the mistletoe with that special person in your life. Perhaps Christmas night, when the kids have tuckered themselves out and are fast asleep, or maybe during midday nap time … Remember, it’s your holiday too. Enjoy yourselves!

6. Take time to relax alone.

Ask your partner to spend even just 30 minutes on parent duty so that you can recharge your batteries, alone. Exercise, take a hot bath, read a book, whatever. And then make sure your partner gets the same. I’ll probably, if the weather holds, take a short run on Christmas. It helps me blow off steam, which makes me a happier father and partner. It is so easy to forget about yourself on Christmas day, but this year, I vow not to do it.

I will do all that I can to keep my spirit light, and my mood upbeat. As I said to my wife the other night, it’s true, there is always a manic energy around this time of year, but let’s not forget, we really are mostly on top of things. We won’t fail Christmas. As long as our family is together and having fun, that’s not possible! Here’s hoping that you have a wonderful holiday too.

Image source: Thinkstock

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Let Me Entertain You

 

When it's your turn to entertain, use it to your advantage calories. Just prepare meals and how low-fat snacks and stay with the same healthy eating rules that you follow for the rest of the year. And keep in mind that not only your waistline that benefit - your friends and family will also be thanking you come New Year!

Know your nibbles

1 Very often are the snacks between meals festive accumulate in pounds instead of meals are available. Gaining a pound of fat is as easy as eating about 70 chocolates in a check box - which may seem a lot, but a couple of handfuls every day grows fast. If you do not want to pile on the pounds, then follow these simple tips.

2 Do not be tempted to store many festive foods before Christmas - just starting before eating and then buy more. There is also the possibility of staying with a lot of things - and you know you'll only find a way to get rid of them!

3 Make your own dives fat cream using low-fat, low-fat yogurt or cottage cheese fat free. Add a variety of condiments such as lemon juice, black pepper, fresh herbs and spices. Meanwhile, they serve with vegetable crudités or breadsticks instead of chips or fries.

4 It may be tempting to nibble while you're preparing meals for family and friends. But it is very easy to work your way through nearly as many calories as the food itself. Avoid the temptation to keep your mouth busy with a piece of sugarless gum.

5 Buy low-fat versions of favorite snacks like chips and dips. Nobody will ever know the difference - remember to hide the packaging!

Have a go at making their own pies using phyllo dough instead of broken, puff or flaky. Is lower in calories and fat than other varieties - most are used less. Check out the table below.

 

Pastry per 100g (uncooked)	Calories	Fat g
Filo	304	2.7
Puff	401	25.6
Flaky	424	30.7
Shortcrust	453	29.1

 

6 If you do not like to experiment with phyllo, simply chop bake cakes instead. Leaving aside the top of the dough save about 40 calories and fat 3G.

7 Cut the fat content of ready-made minced, mixed with a little apple baked before use to fill pastry boxes. It tastes good, too.

8 Locate low-fat versions of your favorite foods such as Christmas pudding, Christmas pudding and pies. Alternatively, simply reducing the size. Many supermarkets now sell the mini pies that contain only 100-150 calories each, instead of the usual 200-250 calories each. Okay, they're gone in just a few bits, but at least not lost.

9 Do not use leftovers to create, fatty foods high in calories, like bubble and squeak and turkey coronation. Instead, make delicious low-calorie foods like turkey soup, turkey curry with brown rice or simply served with a jacket potato and salad.

10 Where is the famous turkey sandwich, it healthier by using whole wheat bread feast with a little fat cranberry sauce instead of butter, choosing breast instead of dark meat and pile on the salad.

Sweets per 100g	Calories	Fat g
Fruit gums	172	0
Fruit pastilles	253	0
Real Turkish delight	295	0
Marshmallows	327	0
Boiled sweets	327	0
Jelly beans	365	0.2
Peppermints	392	0.7
Toffees	430	17.2
Assorted filled chocolates	460	18.8

 

Why We Should Leave the Smaller Gifts to Santa

Yes, Christmas is mere days away but no, I haven’t figured out what Santa is getting my kids this year. In fact, in my interfaith household as of this writing, I haven’t settled on all of the kids’ Chanukah presents even though the holiday has already begun.

At least on the Santa side of things, a meme circulating on the web is prompting me — and I’m sure, many other parents — to think twice about exactly how fancy I want the big, bearded guy to get with “his” gifts. It’s an apparent screenshot of someone’s Facebook status, with the user’s name obscured, that urges parents to be “modest” with Santa’s presents:

“Not all parents have a ton of cash to spend on making their kids [sic] Christmas special, so it doesn’t make sense to have Santa give your kid a PlayStation4 [sic], a bike, and an iPad, while his best friend at school gets a new hat and mittens from Santa,” the anonymous Facebooker writes.

He or she advises parents to keep the gifts attributed to Santa small and have parents take credit for more expensive items, adding, “You can explain the value of money to kids, but you can’t explain Santa’s discrimination to a heartbroken kid.”

It’s a good point.

I know my 2-year-old is too young to start chatting with other kids about Santa’s presents, but I suppose it’s possible that my 4- year-old and his preschool buddies will start comparing their holiday haul this year. I’d hate for either him or his friends to think that “Santa” likes them less because he was less generous with them than with other children.

I suppose one simple way to avoid that is to tell my son the truth — Santa isn’t real and the gifts that kids get are dependent on their family’s own priorities and resources.

I’m not going to do that. I won’t judge how other parents handle the Santa myth, but in my case, I’m not ready to let him give up the magic yet.

I do like the idea of keeping Santa’s gifts small, in part to avoid the heartbreaking scenario suggested by the meme … but also, darn it, because I’d like my kids to know that Mommy and Daddy were the ones who racked their brains trying to decide on and find just the right toy/game/cartoon character socks.

In short, I want them to appreciate me!

Of course, I’m not the only who feels this way. Deva Dalporto, of the blog MyLifeSuckers, recounted in a recent post her exhausting efforts with respect to shopping and wrapping presents last year … and how, nonetheless, Santa was the one her children excitedly wanted to thank.

“I mean, who the hell is he to take all the credit? I did all the work,” she wrote. “… [T]he real person you should leave cookies for, and think is the most amazing person on earth, is the lady who lets you wipe your snotty nose on her shirt.”

Of course, all of this will be moot in my household if I don’t get off my keister and figure out my kids’ presents, whether they’re inexpensive, handmade, from-the-heart “free hug” coupon books … or a fleet of miniature toy trucks driven by miniature toy puppies.

Whatever they get, I hope they understand that Mommy loves them so very much and that’s the best gift of all*.

*Who am I kidding? Preschoolers won’t understand that. Puppy trucks, here we come!

 To help children in need get gifts for the holidays, consider donating to or volunteering for Toys for Tots.

Image courtesy of ThinkStock

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Baby's First Christmas - Celebrity Edition

The year of 2014 brought big changes in the lives of some of our favorite celebrities. New records, new releases, and new awards are always exciting, but nothing can measure up to the beauty and amazement of the birth of a baby. Meet all the new mini-celebrities that will be celebrating their very first Christmas this year.

Baby Schuyler
Parents: Rodger Berman and Rachel Zoe
Rodger Berman and Rachel Zoe (celebrity stylist) welcomed their very first baby this year, Schuyler Harris. Judging from his custom made shoes and his Missoni stroller, I think it's very safe to make the assumption that Schuyler's first Christmas will be filled with Gucci, Prada and Chanel.

Baby Flynn
Parents: Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr
Actor Orlando Bloom (Pirates of the Caribbean, Lord of the Rings) and model Miranda Kerr may have given birth to the cutest baby alive. With brown hair and big blue eyes, he has been making headlines since day one. This is an extra exciting time of year for Baby Flynn; he will be celebrating his first birthday on January 6th.

Baby Haven
Parents: Cash Warren and Jessica Alba
Producer Cash Warren and actress Jessica Alba (Fantastic Four, Sin City) welcomed their second daughter, baby Haven Garner in August, much to the delight of big sister Honor Marie. Jessica recently took both three year old Honor and four month old Haven to meet Santa Claus in their local mall. How sweet is that!

Baby Morocco and Baby Monroe
Parents: Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey
Nick Cannon (America's Got Talent) and singer/actress Mariah Carey welcomed their twins on April 30th of this year. This adorable duo made one of their first public appearances last Christmas when Mariah was visibly showing during her Christmas Special. Morocco was named after the Moroccan inspired room in which Nick proposed to Mariah, and Monroe was named after one of Mariah's longtime role models, Marilyn Monroe.

Baby Harper
Parents: David & Victoria Beckham
World renowned power couple David (English soccer star) & Victoria Beckham (designer) welcomed their very first daughter this year. Baby Harper Seven joined older brothers Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz.

Baby Bingham
Parents: Matt Bellamy and Kate Hudson
Matt Bellamy (front-man of Muse) and actress Kate Hudson (Bride Wars, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days) welcomed their first baby, Bingham Hawn in August. Baby Bingham joins Kate's older son Ryder, who affectionately calls him Bing.

Baby Arabella
Parents: Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump
Jared Kushner and entrepreneur and daughter of Donald Trump, Ivanka Trump, married in October 2009, welcomed their very first baby, Arabella Rose on July 17th of this year.

Baby Aleph
Parents: Benjamin Millepied and Natalie Portman
Producer Benjamin Millepied and actress Natalie Portman (V for Vendetta, Black Swan) welcomed their first baby, Aleph this year. Aleph is the first letter of the Hebrew alphabet, a sweet tribute to the Hebrew background of the couple.

And there, my friends, are the newest celebrities of 2011. Merry Christmas to all the baby celebs and their parents! I can't help but wonder which celebrities will make this list next year...

Christmas Simplification

This year, our famous Christmas easiest way family. We hope to fly to Texas to be with the parents and siblings of my husband, leaving the week before Christmas.

Because of these great travel plans for our rowdy group of six years, many things have been simplified in December. And I find it very liberating. Although I usually like the tradition of cutting and decorating our tree this year alone, we turned on the vegetation in our piano and some Christmas decorations scattered around the house. Decoration took half the time and half the cost! Small and simple gifts are purchased that can be easily packed in our bags. In fact, I was almost done shopping in early December!

Stress December

With a lower tone Christmas reminded me of why I often feel so stressed in December. Try to get all the good cookies to participate in ten different Christmas events, and find the perfect gift for all those involved in the life of our family. Throughout the Christmas chaos, the true meaning of Christmas is often lost. Jesus is our greatest gift, and it is your life we are celebrating.

The other night at dinner, we talk to our children about Jesus Christmas maintain concentration. With worried eyes my six year old asked me, "Mom, this is not the right to give gifts" Of course, does not mean involve giving gifts is wrong but we want our children?. understand that the gifts are not the main point of Christmas. as we talked about other ways to share the love of Jesus at Christmas, playing the piano and singing in the nursing homes to buy gifts for someone in need, my six year old son started talking she is happy you can stillgive do this kind of things and gifts to each other (reference to mom and dad).

Teach our children the great gift

So this year I'm on a mission to simplify and enable new ways to teach our children the great Christmas. Here are some things we do.

Every night before Christmas (well, maybe not every night but mostnights) we read of our favorite Christmas devotional side of the table, take the time to discuss issues and the beautiful singing hymns included.

We use our Advent calendar to think of an attribute of God or a gift that Jesus gives us each day. Children turning thinking of them and write on a piece of paper in your pocket.

We give our children a sum of money to help World Vision project of their choice. At this point, our son is most excited about the project sunlight.

We sing songs with our own family one or two nights after dinner.

We find creative and simple solutions to bless others with our time and resources, a phone call or a piece of bread.

A family favorite: representing the Christmas story on Christmas morning, as we read in the Bible. Although I wonder how many more years the ass (my husband) can lead to regrowth Mary!

My encouragement to you and to my own heart this Christmas is to avoid becoming so busy doing things (even good things!) The tight time to reflect and appreciate the true meaning of Christmas. Christmas does not mean simply declined. Even if you decide to jump in butter recipe grandma cookies, who still love the wonder of Jesus, the greatest gift

4 Reasons Why the Winter Solstice Is the Best Day of December

Forget Christmas and Chanukah. The day in December that I get most excited about is the Winter Solstice.

That’s not because I’m Pagan, though that would be an interesting thing to tell my parents.

It’s because the winter solstice, which this year fell on this past Sunday, Dec. 21, is the shortest day of the year, meaning that every day afterward will see more and more daylight hours until late June.

Before I had children, I didn’t mind the darker days of late fall and winter. After all, longer nights meant more time to party! And by “party,” I, of course, mean eat cold cuts straight from the deli bag while binge watching Netflix till the wee hours of the morning. Talk about some wild nights!

Today, I have a whole new appreciation for the daytime because the more hours of daylight we get, the easier things are from a parenting perspective. Allow me to count the ways:

Daycare pickups are a little less challenging

Picking my children up from daycare at night is challenging enough in itself since my two little, ahem, angels aren’t always amenable to being bundled into their coats and then strapped into their car seats without desperate pleas and juice box bribes. But it’s that much worse when it’s pitch black long before 6 p.m. and I’m clutching their little hands while crossing the street, quietly lambasting myself for not super-gluing bright yellow reflectors onto their coats.

It provides more natural entertainment

More daylight means more opportunities to play outside, especially after dinner. We might go to a nearby playground, hang out with the neighbors, or just collect acorns near the house. My younger one, especially, is fond of the “I’m going to try to run into the street and Mommy will have seven small heart attacks while stopping me” game. That still beats playing a seventh game of Chutes and Ladders and praying that one of the chutes delivers you to the doorstep of your babysitter’s house.

There are significant health benefits

It’s well known that more outdoor time leads to more exercise and the chance to absorb more Vitamin D. In recent years, scientists have found yet another reason why we should be pushing out kids outdoors: studies have found that children who spend more time outside have lower rates of myopia.

It puts Mommy in a better mood

I don’t suffer from seasonal affective disorder but I have noticed that I perk up considerably when I see the sun shining outside my window. Who doesn’t? The moon just doesn’t have the same effect unless, I suppose, you’re a werewolf (and I shave diligently to ensure no one confuses me for that!) When I’m happier, I’m better equipped to handle the hiccups of life with children — spilt milk, lost shoes, broken lamps, disemboweled toy Elmos, etc. — without ripping my hair out in the process.

The longer days won’t be noticeable immediately, but I’ll be savoring every extra minute of light, knowing that the next day will be even better.

Image courtesy of ThinkStock

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Utah Moms Demand Magazines In Grocery Stores Be Covered Up

Do you walk around naked in front of your children? I do. At ages 5, 3, and not even a year old, my kids have all seen me naked and are very comfortable with it. They are all still quite young (and I’ll probably limit the nudity in front of them as they age) but I’ve done it since they were born and so they are used to it. I don’t want them to teach them to feel ashamed of the human body. I want them comfortable around nudity. Comfortable to the point of boredom, in fact.

Our bodies are natural and beautiful. Not only that, but I want them to know what a real woman looks like before they’re assaulted by the media’s idealistic sense of beauty. They’re already seeing those images on magazine racks at our grocery store, but I don’t mind. It gives them a broader picture of the human physique and the realities of the world we live in.  The benign — in my opinion — magazine images at the grocery store, in conjunction with my occasional nudity when popping in or out of the shower, should be a solid base from which to start from in life in regard to nudity and, eventually, sexuality, so long as I provide them with context along the way. That said, some moms don’t agree with my parental notions and want those grocery store magazines covered up, not because they believe the magazines are perpetuating a false notion of beauty, but because they’re too “racy” for children.

Fox 13 Now in Salt Lake City reports that the moms are so upset they took their concerns to city hall. It all started when the 7-year-old son of one Utah mom said “I hate magazines” while waiting in a checkout line. Now she wants blinders on mainstream magazines that show women baring too much skin.

“This particular resident felt that the magazine covers where women were scantily clad in her view were inappropriate for young children,” said Nicole Martin, the spokeswoman and Communication Director for Sandy City.

“I think they are a little too exposed,” another Utah mom, Gina Ayaviri, tells Fox.

“My opinion is I don’t know if it can be avoided anymore. I think it’s important just to teach your kid those values from a young age so they can defend themselves against it,” says Danielle Deagostini.

I am originally from Utah so I’m not shocked by the puritanical notions that permeate the state. I was also raised Mormon and was taught from a very young age that exposing your midriff or wearing short skirts was wrong. In fact, modesty is such a large part of Mormon teaching that it led me to feel ashamed of my naked body which adversely affected my sex life, to put it mildly. Which is why I’m super open with my children about nudity. I don’t want them to experience body shame or learn that nudity is something to be ashamed of. I also don’t want my children to feel like women need to cover their bodies or they’re sending the wrong message to men. Men are responsible for their own feelings about sexuality.

If I were the mother of that 7-year-old I’d want to know why he hates the magazines. Does nudity make him uncomfortable? How do the magazines make him feel? Let’s talk about it. Not, COVER UP THE MAGAZINES, MY KID DOESN’T LIKE THEM! What a lesson to teach a kid: the human body is inappropriate and if you don’t like something in the world we should make the world conform to your way of thinking as opposed to the other way around.

Unless your kid lives in a bubble, he or she is aware of the human body. You take your kids swimming, right? Bikinis abound at the beach and there’s nothing wrong with that. My advice to the Utah moms all worked up over “racy” magazines? Raise your kid with the values and morals you’d like to pass on but don’t inflict your puritanical notions on the rest of us that see nothing wrong with a bare midriff or a woman in a bikini. Women in fitness gear and swimsuits are not inappropriate.

The city council tells Fox it will take up the debate again but as to whether they can legally require stores to cover up magazines remains to be seen. I’d like to say I highly doubt they can force stores to cover up magazines but this is Utah and stranger things have happened.

Image source: Monica Bielanko

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I Don't Want to Give My Kids More Stuff for Christmas

12 years ago my family packed eight suitcases and moved to Somalia. 10 months later, we experienced an emergency evacuation and fled to a new country carrying just one suitcase. For months we lived in a nearly empty home, eating off shared plates, and washing clothes by hand while we slowly accumulated the essentials: beds, stoves, plates, utensils, washing machine, etc.

The house echoed, the empty cupboards sounded hollow, the walls were bare of all decoration. But we had survived the evacuation and the violence that necessitated it. We had passed through fire and learned the powerful lesson that our stuff was meaningless. Our family was everything.

And yet, even as our vise grip on worldly goods had been forcibly loosened, the magnetic attraction between Americans and stuff revived itself and we continued to accumulate. Our house has one closet and a small crawl space under the stairs. This minimal amount of storage space helps reduce, but hasn’t eliminated excess.

Still, when I think of what to give my kids for Christmas, it’s easy to make lists of things they already have in overflowing abundance. More books. More video games. More Legos. More sports equipment. More clothes. More. More. More.

When I dig deeper in my maternal heart, what I really want to give them for Christmas isn’t more stuff – it’s memories and quality family time. The Legos, games, and clothes might all be left behind one day. We’ve learned that lesson well. But the stories we tell of shared experiences grow and brighten and turn into family legend and personal history.

So what can parents give to a kid who “has it all” or at least, “has more than enough?” Here are some ideas:

Instead of yet another Lego set …

Give the gift of Lego playtime. Build all the sets you already own, together.

Instead of another book …

Give the gift of reading and snuggle time. Read one of the books you already own out loud. Chapter books, picture books. Even our teenagers laughed through How the Grinch Stole Christmas this December, and insisted on seeing the pictures like an old-fashioned storytelling.

Instead of a stuffed animal …

Plan a zoo date complete with a picnic lunch and goofy photos of everyone mimicking the monkeys.

Instead of a new CD or iTunes purchase to be listened to behind earphones …

How about tickets to a concert together? (And for teenagers, maybe include a friend – who wants to go to a concert with just mom?!)

Instead of new sports equipment that will get dusty and pile up …

Contribute to soccer lessons or swimming classes. Or tickets to a big game.

Instead of more toys for our own families …

Donate. Take your family to volunteer at a food bank or homeless shelter. Give a Kiva loan to an entrepreneurial woman in Kenya, like our kids did last Christmas with a gift from Grandma.

Instead of new snorkel equipment to replace raggedly old flippers and warped face masks, my husband and I used “experience-gift” money from grandparents to give our children a boat trip to swim with whale sharks. New snorkel equipment will never compare to the spine-tingling awe and joy of watching my teenagers and a 9-year old swim alongside the largest (gentle and toothless) shark in the ocean.

So the next time you’re making a list of possible Christmas gifts, stop and think – what do you want your kids to experience? You don’t necessarily have to rush out to buy something in a plastic package from Target. This year, give the gift of doing something special together.

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The Breast vs. Bottle Debate Is a Luxury Many Moms Don’t Have

Not a week goes by when there’s not a new headline about breastfeeding or formula feeding. Sometimes, it’s about mothers being shamed for breastfeeding in public. Sometimes, it’s about mothers feeling shamed for using formula when they either choose not to breastfeed or can’t for medical reasons. And sometimes it’s questions about whether breast milk is really that much better than formula after all.

The fact is, it’s a luxury that those of us living in relatively peaceful countries see fit to argue about these issues at all. Many women in Syria, for instance, wouldn’t think twice about these controversies. They wouldn’t care if they were told to cover up while nursing or judged for using a bottle. They would be happy to just be able to feed their infants at all, by whichever method they could.

In war-torn parts of Syria, maternal and newborn care is in shambles. The stress of the conflict is purportedly affecting milk production among some new mothers while others assume that they simply won’t manage to breastfeed because of the crisis, so they don’t. Meanwhile, the government network of pharmacies providing formula has collapsed, leaving some infants subsisting on water and sugar, according to a report earlier this year by the nonprofit news service, Women’s eNews.

Having done both breastfeeding and formula-feeding, my heart breaks for Syrian women who don’t have either option — who must struggle to feed the littlest of souls. The tragic situation there puts the breast vs. formula debate around here in to perspective, doesn’t it?

In fact, it would be great if, at least temporarily, we could take a breather from the debate. Instead of talking about how “disgusting” it is for a woman to breastfeed in public, talk about how disgusting it is that a civil war is leaving infants malnourished. Instead of railing against formula companies for offering free samples that might discourage U.S. mothers from breastfeeding, consider donating your free samples to a local food bank — it’s not the same as getting it in the hands of mothers in Syria, but you’re still doing something to help those in need.

For now, at least two groups are working to provide infant formula in Syria through a program called Bake Sales for Babies. DoSomething.org, the youth community service organization, is running the fundraising campaign, which encourages young people to set up milk and cookie stands in their communities to raise money for Karam Foundation, a U.S. charity working on the ground in Syria. Karam will give formula and winter care packages to Syrian families in need. (DoSomething.org’s bake sales will also raise money for USA for UNHCR, which supports the United Nations Refugee Agency, to provide shelter and basic supplies to Syrian refugees.)

If you’re interested in doing a bake sale or just donating money, great! But at the very least, whether you’re breastfeeding or bottle-feeding, try not to let the controversies over either consume you. It could be so much worse.

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The Ghosts of Holidays Past for Special Needs Parents

My husband and I are standing at the kitchen counter with our son and daughter, singing a song in front of the Chanukah lights we have just lit. I look proudly at my beautiful kids, their faces glowing. When they were little, I could have never imagined a scene like this. For years, Max had trouble focusing on activities. He couldn’t sing. He didn’t understand what a holiday was. And now: He’s truly participating. He’s singing in his own way. He has just said “Happy Chanukah!” to us. In fact, the other day at a holiday party he met Santa and told him, “Merry Christmas!” (or as he says it, “errry is-mas!”) and then added, for good measure, “Ho ho ho!”

For families, holidays are often centered around family traditions and typical seasonal activities. But for families of kids with special needs, this time of year is about letting go of holiday fantasies and the way you want things to happen — and finding new ways to celebrate.

Changing my idea of what a holiday should look like started when Max was two years old. He has cerebral palsy, and has challenges manipulating his fingers and hands (CP messes with your muscles). We were at a Thanksgiving dinner, and the other tots were happily munching away on slices of turkey. Only Max couldn’t hold a piece of turkey or feed himself. Besides, he had chewing issues, so he couldn’t even eat a slice of turkey — it was a choking hazard. I watched the other kids. My husband noticed my sad look and knew exactly what I was thinking. “OK, we’re going to make Thanksgiving Mush!” he announced. He plopped some stuffing onto a plate and shredded bits of turkey into it, along with a bit of cranberry sauce. Then he fed it to Max, who loved it. Thanksgiving Mush became our new Thanksgiving tradition.

This is a key part of special needs parenting: rethinking, re-imagining, and redirecting. It’s tossing your ideas of what things “should” be like and embracing a new normal. Yet no matter how well you navigate the other days of the year, holidays can prove especially tricky and disheartening. You want your child to enjoy, like the other kids do. You want to do family things together, like other families do — and like you did when you were growing up. Only it’s not meant to be, and you have to make peace in your heart with that.

Holiday gift-giving posed another challenge. Age ranges on toy product packaging were meaningless, because developmentally Max was on his own track. I still vividly recall the Chanukah when he was four and being so excited to get him a classic Fisher Price See ‘N Say Farmer Says—you know, you spin the arrow to a picture of some cute animal and pull down a lever to make the sound. It was my favorite toy as a tot. Only as it turned out, Max couldn’t pull the lever. Once again, a lesson learned: I had to stop trying to impose my idea of fun on him, and figure out ways to enable him to have his kind of fun. We have since learned to check in with his teacher and physical and occupational therapists for toy ideas.

Over the years, I stopped feeling badly when Max refused to join in a family holiday dinner because the din was too loud for him and his sensory issues, even with noise-blocking headphones on. He didn’t consider sitting in the living room “missing out” — he was content to be somewhere quiet, watching TV, and that was OK. I devised ways to include him in holiday activities. When I made potato pancakes for Chanukah, a traditional food, we’d put some Play-doh around the handle of the whisk so it would be easier for him to grasp and then with my hand over his, we’d stir the batter. If we were going to see a festive display, like the Holiday Train Show at some local museum, we’d show up as soon as the doors opened before the crowds descended — or we’d be prepared to just leave, as often happened, because it was sensory overload.

Come the holiday time, it’s hard not to think about the ghosts of holidays past and what we’ve been through with Max. But what’s spirit-boosting is how far he has come, especially this past year. This year, he sat through Thanksgiving dinner for the first time (and enjoyed his Thanksgiving Mush, as usual). At the party the other weekend where he was hanging with Santa, he downed a whole lot of baked ziti, danced to the music, and generally had a great time. It was his idea to head to our local zoo one night to check out the holiday lights display.

Tonight, though, the scene in our kitchen is flooring me. The holiday of Chanukah celebrates a miracle that happened when oil for a holy candelabra (aka a menorah) that was only supposed to last for one day lasted for eight. Yet right here, in our very own kitchen, another Chanukah miracle has taken place. And now, I will have a happy new memory of the holiday, along with all those other ones.

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8 House Rules I Never Thought I'd Need — Til My Friend's Kids Came Over

My daughters are one and two years old. So, my apartment is Fort Knox when it comes to baby proofing and locks. With them being so little, my main concern is more or less to keep track of the two of them and keep them safe and happy while they play, explore, and develop. Recently, though, our world was shaken up — in a good way — but also in a way that more or less rocked our world.

I offered to watch a friend’s kids for the day. She has three: ages 3, 4, and 6. In my mind this was only going to add to our party — and in many ways it did — but it also made me realize that slightly older kids, well, they’re a whole different ball game. OK, I didn’t really completely think it through. One thing I had going for me was another friend of mine and her mother were both coming to be my back-up. So it was three adults in charge of five kids. Easy, right?

It became clear, however, as soon as the kids arrived it was going to be a day of mayhem, on a scale that I had never truly experienced before. I quickly scrambled to lay down a couple of preliminary house rules to maintain order: (1) no hurting anyone and (2) if you can’t reach it, ask, don’t climb.

The day progressed. If I wasn’t stopping a child from throwing another off the couch, I was cleaning up a spill or bodily fluid. Mind you, the little people were having a blast, but I felt like a lone body guard trying to keep a bunch of drunk rock stars from setting the building on fire. Rachel and her mom (a retired NYC public school teacher) were amazing.  Eventually, we figured out that the best crowd control was counter-intuitive: we trapped everyone, including ourselves, in my daughter’s bedroom. Every kid was automatically within arms reach of an adult. Rachel’s mom taught the kids a song and dance about a witch and some pumpkins and it kept us all sane. And that says a lot.

Over the course of the day, my list of two rules grew. And they went from the practical to the absurd, but each and every rule was based on a real moment in time. Here are the 8 additions that now stand as house rules. Next time these kids come to visit, we’ll be ahead of the game.

1. No ripping off any body parts.

This includes teeth, eyelashes, and toenails.

2. If you play in the closet and someone wants out, you must let them out immediately.

You may not wait until their cry is at a volume of your choosing. Actually, scratch that, we don’t lock kids in closets here.

3. No impromptu baths.

Let’s chat about your plans first.

4. If you arrive with a milkshake* and have none to share, it goes straight into the freezer and you get it back when you go home.

*Milkshake, candy bar, cookie, lollypop, anything edible whatsoever.

5. No jumping on the bed.

Yes, even if you’re singing “Five Little Monkeys …”.

6. If someone starts to scream or cry, stop what you’re doing immediately.

Stop what you’re doing. Don’t wait for me to yell at you. For the love of God, Stop. What. You’re. Doing.

7. Do not take snacks to the bathroom even if you think you’re going to be sitting there for a while.

Especially if you think you’re going to be sitting there for a while.

8. You may not start brushing your teeth with just anyone’s toothbrush you find.

Really, this is no time to focus our energy on good oral hygiene anyway.

Image source: Thinkstock

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