Dads Wear Pregnancy Bellies in Tribute to Moms and Wives

This story was reported and produced by the ABC Owned Television Station Group and is reprinted with permission.

Image source: The Book of Everyone/Facebook

Aches and pains. Mood swings. That constant pressure on your bladder that sends you running to the bathroom at all hours of the day. Pregnancy isn’t all about that maternal glow. In a unique tribute to their mothers and wives (and moms all over the world), three British men are getting a taste of what pregnancy can be like by spending a month wearing sympathy bellies.

Jason Bramley, Steve Hanson and Jonny Biggins donned the 33-pound suits just over a week ago and plan to wear them in the run up to March 6, when England celebrates Mother’s Day. The rules are simple – the bellies must be worn around the clock (except for when they’re showering), the men will all keep diaries of their experience, and no cheating!

The bellies simulate many of the physical experiences of carrying a child; they come with fake breasts and are designed to put pressure on the lower back, bladder, stomach and lungs.

“I think it is as close as possible to simulating how pregnancy may feel for some women,” said ABC News Senior Medical Contributor Dr. Jennifer Ashton, an OB-GYN based in the United States.

The men’s reaction to their new bellies has been significant and immediate. On Day 1, Jason Bramley likened the pain in his back and shoulders to “the morning after a rugby match.”

In the days that followed, he experienced issues with sleep and quickly learned how complicated simple tasks, like retrieving a dropped cellphone, can become.

“(It’s) the little things we’re finding quite arduous; simple things, tying shoelaces, dropping pens, putting plugs in,” Bramley told ABC.

Bramley calls the reaction they have received “extraordinary.”

Men tend to think it’s a bit more of a stupid thing to do and they don’t really understand why we would even brother to empathize or understand pregnancy,” he said. “Whereas women find it quite charming and they engage much more in the idea and either they find it hysterical or they find it quite an honorable thing to do.”

Bramley, Biggins and Hanson, all dads, work together in Barcelona, Spain, and are working on “The Book of Mum,” dedicated to moms and motherhood.

Bramley says the experience has made him reflect on his wife’s pregnancy. He tells ABC he wonders if he could have been more supportive.

“I was working all the time,” he said. “I think I didn’t quite understand, just because I was so busy, what my wife was having to manage…I wonder if I should have spent more time emotionally supporting her through her pregnancy.”

As for post-“pregnancy” life? Bramley is looking forward to the return to normalcy.

“Just touching my toes again,” he said.

Follow the “Three Pregnant Dads'” journey on their website.

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Awesome Dad Lets 3-Year-Old Pick Her Own Clothes

Image Source: manvspink/Instagram

This story was reported and produced by the ABC Owned Television Station Group and is reprinted with permission.

A stay-at-home dad in England is trying something new: he’s letting his 3-year-old daughter pick out her own clothes.

Simon Ragoonanan chose his daughter’s outfits every morning in the past. But recently, he and his wife decided to let their daughter’s imagination take the front seat.

“We know she needs to be her own person, so it’s really up to her what she wears and what she’s into from now on,” Ragoonanan told ABC. “It just seemed like the right time for us to let her choose for herself.”

Ragoonanan said many parents start this process even earlier, but he hesitated because he and his daughter both love Geek culture, like Star Wars, and he was worried about losing that connection.

“I probably resisted a while because I was worried she’d stop wearing the geeky stuff. I clearly had no need to worry about that.”

Clearly.

“Munchkin,” as her parents call her, caught on to her dad’s passions. Her personality shines through in her fashion choices.

With the help of her dad’s social media skills and some media attention, Munchkin has become quite the Internet star.

Oh, the Instagram account I started for my blog has gone from 60 to 1400+ in a day because of this. Pls come on over. http://t.co/EWMAYduiCy

— Simon Ragoonanan (@SimonRagoonanan) February 24, 2015

Ragoonanan said that though Munchkin makes most of the choices, the process is supervised, mainly to make sure it’s weather-appropriate. Munchkin sometimes winds up in outfits that make her stand out, and her dad says there is nothing wrong with that.

“I just think she just looks kinda cool instead of odd,” he said, citing the popularity of superheroes and Star Wars, her go-to inspirations.

The biggest “fashion risk” she’s worn to pre-school?

“Her Darth Vader outfit is probably the most distinct — with helmet and lightsaber,” Ragoonanan described. “She was very insistent, and definitely stood out, but didn’t seem to mind!”

Photo: She insisted, INSISTED, that she go to preschool dressed like this. My young apprentice… http://t.co/8X4hD2S13b

— Simon Ragoonanan (@SimonRagoonanan) December 11, 2014

Ragoonanan wrote in his blog, Man vs. Pink, that his daughter’s style is a mix of geek culture and little-kid chic. He says she has a special passion for female superheroes, which they can’t always find in the stores.

“Anything with the Batman or Superman symbol we always call Batgirl or Supergirl, even though it’s not intended to be,” he wrote.

After his daughter was born, Ragoonanan started having an issue with the color pink and how it was always associated with girl clothes, toys, and culture. He buys her merchandise for both male and female superheroes, but the female stuff is harder to find.

Like female superheroes, he said he wants no limits for his very spunky daughter.

“The big problem is one of smallness — the focus of what these things are remains relatively narrow, and this is potentially limiting our girl’s imaginations, opportunities, and ambitions,” he wrote on Man vs. Pink.

Ragoonanan often shares his daughter’s outfits of the day on Instagram and Facebook.

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I Could Parent Without Wine, but I Really Don't Want to

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Jessica Lange’s character sums it up best in Tootsie when she’s asked why she drinks so much:

“It’s not fattening and it’s not good for me,” she says without missing a beat.

Lange plays a single mom to a baby girl and a soap opera actress dating a high-powered misogynist who habitually treats her with only slightly more esteem than a tired accessory. She juggles everything as best she can, but the anxiety of doing it all just so-so leaves her frazzled and insecure. White wine is the earned treat, much-needed mood stabilizer, and consistent friend in her otherwise functional life, just as red wine is in mine.

My relationship with my family is abundantly healthy; my husband adores me and my kids idolize me. But they — along with much of the rest of my life — also drive me to drink. I could live without red wine; I just don’t want to.

Despite raised eyebrows from more than a few teetotalers, I’m quite comfortable with the amount that I drink (which is more than a glass, and pretty much every night). It’s not an addiction, but a reward — because I made it through another day holding together a home, family, and job. I do get out to exercise, but I don’t get much babysitting help, which means I’m with my kids nearly every moment that they’re not in school. This is mostly by choice, but that doesn’t always make it easier or more fun. And, frankly, I parent better after a glass or three of wine. Despite the articles available practically every week about how red wine is basically good for your health, I recognize that in actuality, it’s probably not. But after so many 16-18-hour days of doing everything I’m supposed to, something wrong just feels right.

At the time of day when my daughters are inexplicably energetic and astonishingly difficult — which is precisely and unfortunately the exact moment when I’m the most enervated and easily agitated — red wine gives me more patience and good cheer. In an ideal world, I’d channel Susie Sunshine even after dark, but in the real world (which is where I live), doing battle over teeth brushing and bed time makes me more King Kong than Mary Poppins.

Parenting young children — my daughters are now 3 and 6 — is no small thing. I’m well past expecting that every moment with my kids can and should be cherished (which is to say I’ve been a mom long enough to know better than to feel bad about all the inane and impractical mom advice doled out left and right). I wanted to become a mom and worked hard to do it. I love my kids and being a mom, but not every moment is Pinterest-y.

I’m easily a mom before anything else, but that doesn’t mean I’m nothing else. Sometimes it feels that way, though. My girls don’t want to know that I have a life outside of them, which means they are more demanding of my time and attention than I’d prefer, and more often than I’d like. I will myself to be patient all the time with varying success. Give me some wine, however, and my tone is generally more gentle and my volume lower. I could see wine as a problem if the opposite were true, but it’s not.

Of course moderation is good and excess is not. But is excess really all that bad? I sleep better with wine, and who will question that a well-rested mom is a better mom? I’d like nothing more than to buy into the studies that claim:

Cheers! Study says red wine may help burn fat

Red wine antioxidant can prevent memory deterioration

Science says a glass of red wine may be equivalent to an hour at the gym

Unfortunately, though, I’m just smart enough to know that this headline is probably more likely the case:

That glass of red wine may not be as good for your health as you think

The fact is that I don’t need a study to tell me what and how much I drink is good or bad, because the only effect red wine has on my family is positive: My daughters are delightful and cheerful (you know, except when they’re not). I work full time, with much success. I’m not shoveling mini Milky Way bars in my mouth. I’m not addicted to Internet porn. I don’t go on shopping sprees with money I don’t have. I volunteer in my older daughter’s class. I’m there for both girls after school each day. We read, paint, cuddle, walk, talk, and sing. Sometimes I sip wine when we do some or all of that. I see plenty of doctors, and regularly. My blood pressure is healthy, as are my liver functions. The thing I could use in my life is a little less of everything, but the wine bottle is hardly where I’m inclined to start cutting.

I think the only problem with my consumption is the shame that others project on it. If my Facebook and Twitter feeds are any indication, I’m hardly the only mom who indulges every day. But while people will write and post about it, fewer are happy to discuss it offline. The only dishonor in a mom who enjoys wine is that there are those who try and make us feel as if there’s a problem with needing or wanting something that’s just for us, especially if it’s something not good for us. Just as not everyone who has two slices of chocolate cake after dinner is obese or has an eating disorder, a few glasses of wine at the end of the day does not necessarily make me an alcoholic or bad mother — just human.

When Mommy is happy, everyone else might not be happy, but there’s a much better chance of it then when I’m not.

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Guilty Pleasures, Before and After Kids

Although they’ve changed in form and function since becoming a mother, I’ve found that I still have an arsenal of vices that I turn to when I need help just getting through the day. Granted, I’m no longer staying up all night high on hooch and strange men (not that I ever did that, mom!), but I still find ways to feel a little indulgent every now and then.

Here are all the ways my guilty pleasures and bad behaviors have changed since having kids:

Before kids: Fine wine
After kids: Cheap coffee

Before kids: Sneaking a cigarette
After kids: 10 uninterrupted minutes in the bathroom

Before kids: 5 course meals
After kids: 5-piece McNuggets

Before kids: Girls night out
After kids: Sex and the City marathon

Before kids: Never calling a bad date back
After kids: Ditching a PTA meeting

Before kids: Mind-blowing sex
After kids: Sleeping in a bed with no kids in it

Before kids: Fully loaded two-door sedan
After kids: Tricked out minivan

Before kids: Mani/pedi
After kids: The peace Handy Manny provides

Before kids: Louboutin shopping spree
After kids: Payless BOGO Sale

Before kids: Salon highlights
After kids: Splurging in the $11 home kit

Before kids: Cosmopolitans
After kids: Leftover juice boxes

Before kids: Staying up too late
After kids: Going to bed too early

Before kids: Kissing handsome strangers in the bar
After kids: Stealing kisses from a sleeping baby

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Why "The Talk" Has Already Begun in My House

Image Source: Selena Mills

Innocence. Such a revered, magical state of being that exists within our young children. It’s something we clasp onto as parents, not wanting to (unnecessarily) burst their bubbles. So we question ourselves. We raise them in this world fraught with affliction and cling to the promise of something better that their innocence represents.

Until one day of course, when you realize that perhaps what you’re holding onto isn’t all that realistic. That perhaps you aren’t doing your child(ren) any favors. That you might be setting them up for a rude awakening or a whole lot of confusion. At least that’s how it’s been for me as my children grow up and learn words to form sentences and ask questions. Not that any of us have it figured out, especially when it comes to the tough stuff.

***

It was a Saturday morning and we were wrestling through a pile of sunshine-splattered duvets and tangled sheets. I was grateful for the sheer magnitude of all that sunshine, spilling in through our bedroom window. I was hungry for it, during this winter of never-ending sickness and more hours of darkness than light. Thirsty much like I am for the cuddles that my children have become accustomed to bestowing upon us each morning as they tumble into our bed, all legs and feet, hands and mouths. So many kisses. So many tickles. That should be it, yes? This is that fleeting, magical time we’re supposed to savor because it slips by so fast. And just like that my little guy, at five-and-a-half years old wanted a very specific low-down on how babies are made and where they come from. He thought it was absolutely HIL-A-RIOUS that the hole a baby comes out of is called a “vagina”! I mean, when your kid asks such a pointed question as to which hole, you kind of take the opportunity to be honest with them and get some of it out of the way right then and there because it only gets more complicated when it comes to having, “The Talk” with kids, right?

So we laughed and laughed and I took a picture in my mind of that moment. I lived vicariously through my son — the thought that everything can be so hilariously simple as sperm swimming, birth canals, vaginas, placentas, and babies. That’s the easy part. The fun stuff to talk about. In the back of my mind and heart in the way that only a survivor knows are the interwoven, related issues to The Talk that I dread discussing. Last year came to a close filled with stories of sexual violence, from women, in increasing numbers. The sexual misconduct and consent accusations against Canadian radio host Jian Ghomeshi hit close to home as someone whom many had invited into their homes, for years, every single day via the radio waves. The mounting rape allegations against Bill Cosby uprooted and disturbed many who grew up watching and admiring him. There is no escaping it these days, it’s pervasive within social media and pop culture. There were videos uploaded to YouTube of young girls being raped and even younger girls taking their own lives in the face of sexual assault, pressure, and misconduct. It was everywhere and it still is.

So you see, sexual conduct and consent are topics that as a parent, I just can’t tune out. It all starts somewhere. Trying to help our children make sense of this difficult world hits closest to home when it involves kids. How do we, as parents, have The Talk when the talk includes gender equality, sexual violence, and consent?

I’ve given this a lot of thought. I don’t think there’s ever only one talk that we have with our kids around the time that they hit puberty. I think it’s an ongoing conversation that grows and evolves as our children do, starting in kindergarten. As a mother of two young children, aged three and five, much of what they learn right now happens visually and I get overwhelmed with everything that they could see and take in through the media, music, and fashion. I monitor their online presence right now, obviously, because they are so young. I’m constantly turning down the radio as soon as the news comes on, aware of how intently they listen to it. The internet culture is a rather disturbing thing when you’re a parent.

I watch how they play and it has nothing to do with being a helicopter mom. I’m already talking to them about being aware of their environment and how they’re treating one another, and even how they react to others in group settings. I’m careful with how I choose to intervene and not to intervene. Right now, their father and I are teaching them about personal space and respecting one another’s bodies as private and sacred. Otherwise known as autonomy, bodily integrity, and consent. We don’t make excuses for them, or their behavior. There are consequences to negative physical behavior, aside from, kids will be kids or even worse, boys will be boys. We talk about human interaction and how to treat one another in un-gendered ways. We should all be teaching children that they are responsible for their actions in equal measure. I see a lot of teaching young girls to change what they are doing instead of directing the lesson of changing behavior towards young boys.

I want to do as much as I can to address these issues. Because they are going to enter into spaces where other kids haven’t had these types of conversations. Conversations about consent in age-appropriate ways. Why shouldn’t we be dissecting how we teach children to behave? I’m acutely aware that how fathers and men are depicted in the media these days is quite dire. Frat culture has become a disgusting example of excuses. It’s all related. The bad media representations of gender and polarized images of men and women matter because whether we want to admit it or not, the systemic exclusion of women starts at a very early age.

Of course I’m not discussing the harsh realities of rape and sexual violence with my kids right now — but that doesn’t mean I should avoid it either. I think that ideas on misogyny and sexual misconduct and awareness start to develop at a young age. These are after all, the the most formative years of a child’s development. It’s not so far-fetched to understand that they’re picking up on behaviors with nothing but years to master if we ignore them for long enough.

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The 7-Day Sleep Challenge That Worked for My Kid

Image source: Thinkstock

We’ve recently taken a family bedtime challenge. If you see your family in this story, I hope I can inspire you to do the same.

Here’s how it happened. This year I started to worry my son wasn’t sleeping enough, because of two signs:

He often needed to be woken up for school. And he slept in at least 30 minutes on the weekends (sometimes up to an hour and a half).

These are good indicators of a kid’s need for more sleep. Others include falling asleep in the car or stroller outside of normal nap times, hyperactivity or moodiness in the evenings, or changing sleep/nap schedules.

I guessed that my son needed 15-30 minutes more slumber at night, and if that sounds like a negligible amount, it’s not. Research has shown that moving the bedtimes of children by even 30 minutes impacts their cognitive and emotional skills. Each child has a personal sleep need — the optimal amount of sleep their body wants on a nightly basis. When a little one misses the mark by 15 minutes every night, after a week he’s accumulated almost two hours of sleep debt. Recently, the National Sleep Foundation released its updated sleep recommendations for people of all ages. The range for each age group is wide, and while it’s tempting to check off the minimum number, that’s not the way it works. A child’s behavior and sleep patterns truly tell you if he’s meeting his sleep needs every night.

The snag in my son’s sleep schedule was school. In Kindergarten he would go to bed at 7:45pm and wake up naturally 7:15 a.m. for an 8:25am start time. He switched schools for first grade and we found ourselves working with a 7:55 a.m. start time, a short drive, and a wake up time of 6:45 a.m. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that middle and high schools do not start until 8:30 a.m. or later, but many elementary schools — and still, many junior and high schools — start earlier.

All this meant that I had to wake him each morning, which felt terrible. It was barely light and he was clearly in a deep sleep — asking him to wrench himself out of his cozy bed, I could tell he was suffering. I’d try to let him sleep just five more minutes but end up scrambling to get him ready. No six-year-old should start the day feeling groggy and stressed.

So I conducted an experiment. What would it take to have my kids (three and six years old) in bed, with the lights out between 7:00 and 7:15 p.m. for seven nights in a row? This would add back in the 30 minutes of sleep he’d lost since his schedule change and give him over 11 nightly hours. If I did this, would my son start to wake up naturally? How would he feel if he soaked in the extra half hour of sleep I believed his brain and body needed?

Here are the results:

Night 1: Bedtime 7:22 p.m.

Clearing the Schedule. On the first night of our family sleep challenge, I quickly realized our biggest obstacle is afternoon and evening activities. As much as I tell myself that we can have an early dinner out or make it home from a playdate in time for bed, these events inevitably push bedtime later. It’s very hard for my kids to come home and move through their whole routines without feeling rushed. Night one we made the mistake of going to a friend’s house after school and lingering too long. The next morning, I still needed to wake my son up for school. We love to eat out and see friends and we’ll do this plenty — we’re just minimize a bit while we make sure the kids are sleeping well.

Night 2 — 7:15 p.m.

I Need Another Bunny! As you know, children are masters of bedtime stalling. They catch on to the fact that tricky questions and requests will delay lights-out. As soon as my daughter hits the sheets, she decides she needs the baby bunny from the stuffed animal bin, and as soon as she has it, she realizes she absolutely must have a mama bunny for the baby bunny.

My solution is the “last call” (described in great detail in our book about childhood sleep, because I find it a lifesaver). Last call is the period before getting into bed when my kids can ask me to blow their noses or fill their water cups to their desired level. After the lights go out, they know last call is over. On night two, last call happened at 7:00 p.m. and 15 minutes later I was out of the room.

Miraculously, the next morning my son woke up on naturally! I couldn’t believe it.

Night 3 through 5 — 7:20 p.m.

Working Parents Dilemma. By far the trickiest spot is that while my work ends when I pick up my kids from school, the end of my husband’s workday is coupled with the kids’ bedtime. Some evenings he’s home at 6:30 p.m., but others it’s not until after 7:00 p.m., and understandably he wants to wrestle and smooch the kids at this point. When we set out for an early bedtime, he had to come in with quiet bedtime energy and fold neatly into our already-up-and-running routine. If he couldn’t be home before bedtime, he’d go to the gym before coming home so they didn’t hear him after they’d crawled into bed. 

Night 6 — 7:15 p.m.

Beware of the “Drift.” At the end of the week, I noticed that after dinner my son drifts subtly into playing a game or building a spaceship. Technically we “have time” for this, but it’s hard for him to put away once he’s started. We had to move from dinner at 5:30 p.m., into bath, and keep going in a slow and gradual march towards bed — not rushed, but always moving. After dinner I turned on music and kept everyone on track. An aid for making that happen is a visual schedule or chart that shows all the steps; we’ve had one off and on (a poster board I simply drew on with pictures and words to symbolize the steps), and it helps the kids stay on track without feeling rushed.

As much as I love when my kids sleep in, I recognize it as a sign they have sleep debt. Over the weekend, my kids woke up naturally around 7:00 a.m. — a good sign that they were well rested. My son seemed peppier and less groggy in the morning — the transition from sleep to starting the day was much smoother.

Night 7 — 7:10 p.m.

The Final Success. Last night the kids and I moved easily from dinner, through their routine and into bed with the lights out at 7:10 p.m. I checked on them one time, five minutes later and didn’t hear from them again until I crept in this morning at 6:50 a.m. My son was asleep, but with my quiet footsteps and a gentle touch on the shoulder, he opened his eyes and smoothly climbed out of bed. A much more pleasant way to start the day — and a good feeling to know he’s getting the “sleep nutrition” he needs.

Heather Turgeon is a psychotherapist and co-author of the new book The Happy Sleeper: The Science Backed Guide to Helping Your Baby Get a Good Night’s Sleep—Newborn to School Age (Penguin Random House).

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Hello Flo Is Back with "Postpartum: The Musical"

Childbirth. It’s a doozy, to say the least. We talk about it daily (literally, it’s our job), but as women we rarely ever go there, at least not publicly.

“What’s the point,” we think. “We all know our nipples are chapped, our lady bits look like something out of The Blob, and if you look at us funny we’ll probably pee … there’s no use saying it out loud and crying over spilled (breast) milk.” Right? Wrong. Turns out, some things are best left said — especially when we can actually do something about them.

Hello Flo, known for their Period Starter Kit for girls (“First Moon Party,” anyone?) is now expanding its product and video portfolio. Their latest is a mockumentary called “Postpartum: The Musical,” and it was created for the ever-so-slightly traumatized new moms out there. In it, one woman is inspired to write and star in a musical about the horrors of postpartum, and she ain’t sugarcoating it.

“How can I let another woman walk through the terrifying abyss of motherhood,” she says in the video, “without telling her the things I’d seen? I mean, no one even warned me about cracked nipples. The blood, the pus, the pain. I wanted to stick my nips in a tub of Chapstick and stay there. Forever.” #preach.

The video is to promote their New Mom Kit, which includes nipple cream, heavy pads, leak-free underwear, a postpartum survival guide, and more for $49.95. (But can you really put a price on the sweet relief of chaffed nips? No, no you cannot.)

So watch the video above, and if you’re still suffering postpartum, know you are most certainly not alone — and help is out there! For those of us whose nipple cream days are long gone, we’ll just be over here saying a silent prayer of thanks.

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