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Jan 4, 2015
Introducing Your Baby to New Fruits and Vegetables
When your baby has mastered the very fine purees and simple flavors most often introduced as the first solid foods, it's time to start incorporating new flavors into your baby's diet. When your baby starts to enjoy more variety, it's time to think outside of the box. Get beyond the typical apples and bananas and offer your baby some different and often overlooked fruits and vegetables that offer up tons of nutrition and plenty of flavor.
Avocados. Avocados are an excellent early food for babies. They have a silky, smooth texture that only requires fork mashing, rather than real pureeing. The mild flavor is very often a hit with babies, and avocados are loaded with the good fat that babies need.
Kiwi. Kiwi also has a naturally soft texture so it is easy to mash to the correct consistency for your baby. While kiwis may be a little sour for your baby at first, they are a wonderful source of vitamin C.
Melons. Melons such as cantaloupe, honeydew, and watermelon are great fruits for your baby to try. Again, they have a naturally soft texture so they are easy to chew. Cantaloupe is packed with vitamins A and C. Honeydew is also a great source of vitamin C and watermelon has lycopene, vitamin C, and vitamin A.
Cherries. Bing cherries, chopped into tiny pieces, are another great fruit for your baby to try. Cherries provide vitamin C and potassium.
Broccoli. Because of the naturally firm texture of broccoli, it is sometimes overlooked as a baby food. Removing the florets and chopping them finely, however, makes broccoli a great vegetable to mix in with another puree such as carrots. Broccoli is a nutritional powerhouse providing vitamin C, fiber, iron, calcium, potassium, and folate. The gassiness that broccoli often gives adults, typically does not translate to babies.
Spinach. Spinach can be pureed alone or mixed with other purees. Because it has a rather strong flavor, your baby may like it better when mixed with something else. Spinach is packed with nutrients including Vitamin A, C, magnesium, folate, and iron.
Summer Squash. Your baby probably already likes butternut or acorn squash, but what about yellow summer squash? This vegetable provides vitamin C and has a mild flavor that many babies love. Just make sure you leave the skin on and chop it very finely.
Corn. Corn too is often overlooked as a vegetable because it is sometimes considered to be a grain. But with vitamin C and fiber, and a naturally sweet taste, corn can be a nice addition to your baby's diet. Be sure your baby is accustomed to chewing before trying smashed corn kernels.
Tomatoes. Tomatoes are acidic so make sure your baby is a little older (8 or 9 months) before incorporating tomatoes into his diet. Chopped tomato makes a great finger food. Tomatoes are full of lycopene, vitamins A and C, and potassium.
When feeding your baby make sure you consider all that your grocery store produce section has to offer, not just the same old fruits and vegetables. Introducing your baby to plenty of new flavors from a young age will help her to be open to new foods for a lifetime, and will give her the ultimate in good nutrition.
A Note to Mothers of Only Children — from an Only Child Herself
I remember being in kindergarten and not understanding why almost every other kid I knew had a sibling. Even my parents had a brother or sister, so why was I different? I used to constantly question my mother on why she chose to stop having children after me. She’d express her regret, only because she thought I would never grow out of my longing for a younger sibling. As I’ve matured, I realize that being an only child has its pros and cons, and it’s something that I’ve grown to love. I want all mothers of only children to not feel guilty for having just one child. They may not appreciate it while they’re young, but trust me: they’ll love you for it later. Here’s why.
The questions
“Don’t you get bored?” “What do you do all day?” Don’t you wish you had siblings?”
Your child will be asked these questions, which will definitely become annoying and constantly put them on the defensive. But these questions will force your kid to contemplate reasons why being an only child isn’t always a bad thing. The more your child is asked these questions, the more answers they’ll have for why being an only child is better than others may think. As her age progresses, so will her answers. For example, when I was 5, I would tell people that being an only child wasn’t so bad because I never had to worry about sharing my Barbies. When I was 12, my favorite part of being an only child was that I didn’t have any family competition when it came to sports; my parents never had to miss a single one of my tennis matches due to conflicting schedules. Now, as a 23-year-old, I express to people how the best part of being an only child is how it has affected how close I am to my parents. While still being asked these questions in my twenties, I’m delighted as ever to explain to people why I love my life, even if I don’t have any brothers or sisters.
The friendships
Your child may not have a go-to playmate who lives in the same home, but this doesn’t mean your child will not have go-to playmates. I was lucky enough to have parents whose friends in the neighborhood had children close to my age. I would spend hours at their houses and grew close to them like family. I also had to learn early how to make friends on my own, without the help of my parents. Even from as early as my preschool days, I can still remember going out of my way to build friendships. Taking the initiative to make friends is a valuable skill to have in life, and I thank being an only child for pushing me to meet the close friends who have become my family.
The close relationships with other relatives
Just like I’ve grown close to my friends as if they’re my family, I’ve grown close to certain relatives as if they’re my siblings. I have countless aunts, uncles, and cousins on both sides of my family and I cherish every single moment I spend with them. I also have a close relationship with each of my grandparents. I may not see these relatives every single day, but that’s what makes it even better when we do all finally meet up on special occasions. Since the only two relatives I am used to seeing regularly are my parents, there is always an extra excitement when our little family of three reunites with our extended family. I also grew up with a Shetland Sheepdog who served as my “brother” from the time I was 5 years old until I was 20. Whether you have actual siblings or not, there really is no better feeling than being surrounded by the family you love, including those with paws.
The alone time
Something many people would consider a con of being an only child is how much time they spend alone. However, this alone time will benefit your kid in the long run. As much as I value the time I spend with my family and friends, I value how much time I’ve had to myself. I’ve always had uninterrupted time to study for school, read for pleasure, or just take time to contemplate. Moreover, being self-sufficient becomes natural when you’re an only child, and your kid will appreciate this at times when self-sufficiency is needed most. Going away to college was not much of a challenge for me. Since I did not have an older sibling that attended the same high school as me, I had to teach myself which study habits worked best for me, which led me to succeeding throughout my college years. When I landed my first internship as a college student, I lived in DC for a summer and learned to work the Metro system just from taking time to run errands alone (something I was used to doing as an only child). When I accepted my first post-grad job as an editorial intern in NYC, I made friends quickly in a place where I knew almost no one. I definitely do not need to be alone all the time (and would never choose to be) but I appreciate how this time to myself has shaped me into who I am today.
There’s no other parent-child bond like it
My full contentment with being an only child would not be possible without my relationship with my parents. In many ways, they are like siblings. We share the same interests and hobbies, we argue and forgive each other quickly as though nothing ever happened, and we laugh about things that no one else could ever understand. But the pseudo sibling in my parents is enhanced by the fact that they are even more than siblings. They are the two who raised me to who I am today, the couple that will always be there waiting at the door when I need to come home, and the mother and father whose love could not be replaced by anyone. They have said to me for as long as I can remember, “Carmen, you’re all we’ve got,” and I wouldn’t replace being all they’ve got for anything in the world.
Some may say I’m still missing out in life. I say I’m living life the same, just with “siblings” who go by different titles. So to all you parents of only children out there, don’t worry. You’re doing just fine. And to my fellow only children, own it. There’s nothing better.
Jan 3, 2015
10 Parenting Resolutions I Will NOT Be Making
Our New Years Eve, like many parents across the country, was spent at home in our pajamas, anxiously watching the clock through bleary eyes to see how early we could get away with putting the kids to bed.
Everyone in our household was sick with raging fevers and faucet-like noses, a delightful combination especially for the three-and-under crowd not yet familiar with the proper use of tissues. I praised God for the genius that came up with the Netflix kids’ countdown that allowed me to tuck a happy crowd in at a mere eight o’clock and helped my husband and I collapse in a heap on the bed for the 12 minutes of sleep we were destined to get that night. (But don’t tell my past self that — let her dream big, just for a night.)
The next morning, I scrolled through countless posts and pictures of happy, smiling families with picturesque scenes and glittering words abounding, such as “blessed,” “joyous,” “beautiful,” “restful,” and resolutions centered on better lives from seemingly already perfect people. I looked around at my house in complete disarray, kids in that crabby, restless state between sick and healthy, and our Christmas “break” that would go down as one of the worst in history and all I could think was, “Who the heck are these people?”
I don’t know if it’s just me, if I’m doing a horrible job as a parent, or if we are really in over our heads with four kids, but the honest truth is that I’m too freaking tired to even contemplate making any resolutions of any kind. What, exactly, is the point? My only goal at this point in my life is to survive the day and someday achieve some kind of balance again — so the brutal fact of the matter is that the only sort of New Year’s “resolutions” I will be making are the ones that I will not be making.
1. To spend less time on my phone.
Look, it’s a part of life and for many of us, part of how we make a living. We can tame it, we can fight it all we want, but it’s not going away, so we can at least stop feeling guilty about it.
2. To soak up every minute.
The next person that tells me this will be dragged to my house to hang out with me and the kiddos at 3 o’clock in the morning, that hallowed hour when puke always flies and kids never sleep. You’ve been warned.
3. To exercise more.
Someday I’ll have all of the time in the world to join a gym, but this year, at least until my baby is done breastfeeding, it’s just not going to happen every day and it really is OK. I’m not saying I’m going to go roll in a field of Twinkies, but I’m just over beating myself up for not looking like a freaking Victoria’s Secret model after popping out four kids, mmmk?
4. To give my kids less sugar.
Haha, NOPE. Now, c’mere kids, who wants a cake from a pan doused in boiled tree sap for breakfast? (Side note: is there sugar in syrup? Then yes!)
5. To stop yelling at my kids.
There’s a fine line between yelling and a problem, but when you are trying to herd small children out of the door to go anywhere, especially in the winter, a little voice escalation (like what I did there? #wordplay) is just bound to happen.
6. Making a “word” for the year.
Actually, on second thought, I’ll go with “sleep.” How’s that for inspiring?
7. To get my kids to watch less TV.
On the contrary, I’ve come to a revelation that my first-time parenting self was entirely too strict about this. When my four-year-old, my second-born, asks me to watch a movie in the middle of the afternoon now, I don’t worry about the repercussions down the line someday — I grab a blanket and enjoy cuddling up next to her while I still can.
8. To take more pictures.
I go back and forth on this one. Over Christmas break this year, I shut off my phone and my computer and tried to just live in the moment and it felt so dang good. I love looking back at pictures of my kids, but I also hate the pressure of always feeling like I can never miss the perfect shot or the anxiety I have to try to enjoy the moment and capture it forever.
9. To live in the moment.
But, on the flip side, I can assure you that I have no intentions of trying to live in the moment all of the time, because honestly, not every moment of parenting is worth fully soaking in. I believe parenting is why things like “wine o’clock” were invented, yes? Will I look back on the brutal sleepless nights and see the bigger picture and realize how blessed I really was? Of course — but that doesn’t mean I need to be breaking out into joyous song whilst I will my body to keep moving when I take my 18,000th lap around the house in the middle of the night with a feverish baby.
10. To make healthier meals.
I’m just going to go ahead and put my bento box dreams aside and admit that meals shall consist of whatever the heck I can get my kids to eat that day. None of my kids like the same foods (not even that kid classic of mac and cheese) so meal times are brutal enough without worrying about cutting up my celery pieces into sailboats. Not. Happening.
Image via j&j brusie photography
Jan 1, 2015
What We're Leaving Out When We Talk to Kids About Sex
From the time I was very young I was taught that sex is bad. According to the mormon religion, pre-marital sex is a sin. That, coupled with all the STDs my health teacher explained in graphic detail and told me would most likely occur were I to engage in hanky-panky, definitely programmed me to view sex with an unhealthy amount of fear and guilt. I was not only scared of the concept of sex, but I was ashamed of my body. I experienced intense guilt every time I had sex for many years, even though I left Mormonism in my wake long ago.
That’s why I want to explain sex differently to my children. I want them to be comfortable talking about it with me. I want them to feel excitement about the prospect of eventually engaging in a sexual relationship with someone they care about (when the time is right). The last thing I want is for them to face it with fear and definitely not the intense guilt I felt throughout my teens and twenties.
An article on Salon called “You’re Doing Sex Ed Wrong: How Teaching Kids About Sex is Like Teaching Toddlers to Walk” nails it when it comes to how I’d like to raise my kids. It focuses on Philadelphia high school teacher Al Vernacchio and it’s too bad there aren’t more teachers like him scattered around the states. Vernacchio teaches kids the basics of sex, of course. Basic anatomy as well as birth control options (and yes, STDs) but he also talks to students about the positives of sex.
Yep, the positives. Imagine that! Sex is a good thing, in case you forgot. That means Vernacchio covers orgasms, masturbation, and all the other things most of us enjoy about sex. How about that? Instead of just scaring the crap out of kids with genital wart talk and photos of diseased genitalia, Vernacchio offers a more well-rounded approach to sex. He calls it “sex positive education.”
Vernacchio tells Salon that America gets sex education wrong because we teach it as a problem:
“’Here are all the terrible things that can happen if you have sex. Now go have a healthy relationship.’ So I start from the premise that sexuality is a force for good in the universe and that we can use it all kinds of ways to create close connection and equity and even justice in the world. If that was the way we started sex ed, I think we’d be much more successful … We just don’t talk about those things enough with kids. That’s what kids really want to know. They want to know how you know when you’re in love and how can you connect with somebody. I think sometimes they have sex because they don’t know what else to do. We haven’t given kids enough of a toolbox. Taking a nap can be just as intimate and lovely.”
Vernacchio encourages parents who are coming from a place of fear about their children and sex to envision what they want for their children in terms of a healthy, loving, sexy relationship. Once they envision that, ask them “starting from where your kid is today, how do you get there? It’s pretty clear that you don’t get there by scare tactics.”
He’s onto something. For so long we’ve discussed the horrors of sex — the STDs, the teen moms — in some kind of scare-them-abstinent tactic. But anyone who has ever been a teenager (which is all of us, by the way) should be well aware of the fact that teaching abstinence-only doesn’t delay sexual activity. What happens instead is that when teens do have sex they are less likely to use birth control because they didn’t plan for it to happen.
I should know because it happened to me. I became pregnant at seventeen because my boyfriend and I never dared acknowledge that we might have sex even though we were thinking about it and leading up to it for months. Yet purchasing condoms was simply out of the question.
“Shouldn’t we buy condoms?”
“No! We’re not going to have sex.”
“I know. But just in case.”
“We’re not. We should go tell our bishops what’s been happening. We need to pray.”
Parents who received little to no sex education themselves pass on the same lack of knowledge to their children, perhaps hoping that not talking about it will keep their kids from doing it. But refusing to level with children and engage in open conversations about sex leaves kids vulnerable to the worst sort of misinformation, from the merely inaccurate (school friends) to the downright threatening (sexual predators). Ignorance is not a defense against wrong actions; it’s just denying people the information to make good decisions.
STDs shouldn’t be framed as dangers because sex isn’t fundamentally dangerous. Unplanned pregnancies or sexually transmitted diseases are negative consequences that can easily be avoided. Vernacchio says those things are not inherent in sex, they are inherent in unhealthy sex: “OK, of course you don’t want to get pregnant, I don’t want you to get pregnant. You don’t want to get an STD, I don’t want you to get an STD. But showing you gross pictures of swollen genitals is not actually going to do that.”
You know what negative consequences of sex can’t be so easily avoided? Broken hearts and abusive relationships. The psychological angle of sex education is what’s missing from sex ed today. Not just education about how it all works but the emotions involved, how your ego gets entangled with your crushes. Vernacchio says that’s the stuff kids usually want to know about the most:
“A lot of the questions are, ‘How do I know when I’m ready?’ Or, ‘How do you know when you’re in love?’ Or, ‘How do you talk to somebody about this?’ ‘How do you ask for what you want?’ The mechanics, the kids have that now. Technology has provided all that information. What the Internet can’t provide them with is the human element of it. The Internet can’t provide for the process of thinking through a decision and coming to a conclusion.”
That’s where we come in as parents. There should be no such thing as The Talk. There should be many talks, small conversations that pop up while spending time with our children; lots of small conversations that add up to an ongoing conversation about relationships, love, and sex. We need to talk but also listen; engage with our children in a way that isn’t accusatory but respectful and I think we’ll find they are more willing to ask us the questions for which they need answers and — lucky you — those answers can come from you and not somebody else.
Image courtesy of ThinkStock
Girls Will Be Girls, and Boys: What We Can All Learn From the Jolie-Pitts
Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, the firstborn of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, has been in the news for years now — and not just for being the child of two of the world’s most famous movie stars — but because she’s been talked about as being a girl who wants to be a boy.
In a 2008 interview with Oprah Winfrey, Brad Pitt shared an anecdote about how his daughter asked to be called John. “So, we’ve got to call her John,” he told Oprah, going on to explain how she wouldn’t respond if he called her Shiloh. “It’s just kind of stuff that’s cute to parents, and it’s probably really obnoxious to other people.”
Or, more than obnoxious. Because as every parent knows, the gender of a child is one of his or her earliest defining characteristics. If you have a boy, you’re likely to get blue blankets and items of clothing that feature pictures of firetrucks or sports equipment. If you have a girl, you’ll get pink things decorated with cupcakes, flowers, or tiaras. When the child enters school or daycare, they’ll be sent to the boys or girls bathroom based on their biology at birth, and there will be social pressures from both their peers and adults to conform to certain roles. Little boys play with blocks, conventional wisdom tells us, while girls enjoy dressing up. Gender is taken as something fixed in concrete, and when kids buck those stereotypes, outraged adults point fingers at the parent for being overly permissive, or worse.
That is exactly what happened with John Jolie-Pitt, when, two years after Brad Pitt’s interview, the tabloid Life & Style ran a nasty cover story asking “Why Is Angelina Turning Shiloh Into a Boy?” followed by “Shiloh Manipulated By Her Mom.” As these headlines suggest, the media coverage around the child focused mostly on Jolie, not Pitt, accusing her of being a bad mother for failing to restrict the child to feminine gender norms. Among Jolie’s faults? Allowing the girl to dress in boy’s clothing, sport a boy’s haircut, and continuing to refer to her as John. (The tabloid coverage was sparked by a 2010 interview with Vanity Fair in which Jolie said, “She thinks she’s one of the brothers.”)
Recently, at the premier of Angelina Jolie’s movie Unbroken, John appeared on the red carpet with her dad, and adopted brothers Pax and Maddox. All wore black suits, and John looked uncannily like a younger version of both her parents. As Bustle points out, the general response focused on how sharp the family looked, while outlets that did mention the child’s gender preference moved beyond “Jolie’s a bad mother” to “kids like John exist.”
The question for many people continues to be why they exist, and, if you’re a parent of a child who expresses a non-traditional gender preference, how do you deal with it? In this regard, our culture still has a ways to go. The Telegraph ran a piece on John in which a psychologist suggested the child may simply be acting out for attention because John is a middle child, or that John might be copying the style of the older Jolie-Pitt boys. The psychologist suggests that parents do nothing until the child reaches puberty, at which point they should consider that the child has “a serious gender identity issue” and might need hormonal treatment or gender reassignment surgery.
This psychoanalytic conclusion seems a bit of a stretch to me. And I feel deeply uncomfortable about the implication that this might mean anything about the child’s future sexuality. John, like many kids, is exploring gender, and is fortunate to have parents who accept those explorations. No one, not even John at this early point in life, knows if John is transgender. The public doesn’t even know if John goes by he, she, or a different pronoun. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that John is a healthy, happy child in a family that values freedom of expression. As The Advocate puts it:
Whether the young Jolie-Pitt will grow up to identify anywhere along a gender-nonconforming or LGBT spectrum is impossible to tell, but one thing is certain — having parents that embrace a child’s curiosity, independence, and self-direction is sure to make that young person’s life easier as they go through the fundamentally human process of discovering who they truly are.
I believe strongly that gender is a very fluid thing. There’s a biological aspect, yes. But so much of what we think of as masculine and feminine is simply style and preferences, and those are abstract — just ideas. They change over time. Not every American likes baseball, nor is every girl going to enjoy playing with dolls. Tight jeans used to be only for women, now men squeeze themselves into them too. Moreover, we are now hip to the fact that some people are born identifying as another gender, and medical science has advanced enough so that those people can become the gender they feel they really are inside. I think this is great.
And yes, I know, I’m the guy who met his wife while wearing a dress in college; the dad who has been at home with my son Felix while my wife is the primary breadwinner for our family. I’m also the one who does the majority of the cooking, cleaning, and shopping while my wife handles home repair and finances; I’m the dad with the boy who loves pink. I understand that a certain type of person might not value my take on gender because I operate so far outside of traditional gender norms that I come across as a crazy liberal, or someone who might be confused about his own gender. That’s not the case. I am very comfortable in my masculine image, so comfortable that I don’t feel like I need conform to anyone else’s idea of what a “man” is. Nor do I insist my son do the same.
I hope that, by setting a positive and very public example, Jolie and Pitt may inspire other parents to be more accepting of their children’s gender preferences, and allow the child to set the terms of his or her gender expression. Because the sad reality is, not every child has parents with such open hearts and minds, or the means to provide such a free lifestyle. Some schools demand that students conform to dress codes based on gender. And what about a child who is biologically female but identifies as male and so wants to use the boys bathroom?
We must also keep in mind that our culture gives more room to women and girls in this area, calling them “tomboys” or “a guy’s girl,” while we have much narrower definitions of masculinity. Boys wearing dresses raise alarms, and in 2011 J. Crew found itself embroiled in controversy when the company’s catalog featured a boy wearing pink nail polish. As I’ve written before, gender equality is an issue that affects both men and women.
As the move toward accepting John Jolie-Pitt’s style without condemnation of either the child or the parents shows, things are getting better for kids who want to challenge gender stereotypes, but we still have a long way to go. There are transgendered children out there right now stifling their desires to express themselves, or are facing discrimination at home, school, and in their communities. One day, I hope, all kids will have the freedom to decide for themselves if their gender feels right for them, and all families will accept that child’s decision with a warm embrace. But that’s going to mean we continue battling sexism in all its nasty forms.
Image source: Thinkstock
Dec 31, 2014
My New Year's Resolutions Are All About My Kids
It’s become a cliche at this point, really. New Year’s resolutions are just more little lies we tell ourselves to make us feel better. They look good and make sense on paper.
I’m heading back to the gym. (Sound familiar?)
Time to quit smoking. (Again.)
I’m back on the lemon juice diet until May 1st. (WTF?)
I am going to wake up every day and read ten pages of a classic novel right off the bat, then I’ll burst out of my covers and do 20 minutes of passion-filled yoga, and all before I ever even dare to think about heading down to the Mr Coffee and having another bowl of the Captain Crunch I buy for my kids (for me) even though they don’t even dig Captain Crunch at all.
I guess what I’m saying is this: Why don’t we just switch gears here a little bit? Instead of focusing on things about myself I just might fail at again, this year, my New Year’s Resolutions are gonna be all about my kids. In fact, my resolutions are actually three things I’ve already been doing for a while. I just want to make sure that I keep doing them, you see. I want to make sure that I don’t get lazy or sidetracked or forgetful when it comes to the stuff that matters in my little world — my kids. I think maybe these are the kinds of resolutions that could help you as a mom or dad, way more than being able to fit into the same jeans you wore in 10th grade.
Anyway, give me five minutes, will you? Hear me out. If you’re already doing this stuff, keep it up. If you’re not, I’m hoping I might be giving you the ticket to a very kickass year …
—
1. Zooming in and out.
As a dad to three kids ages 5, 3, and 10 months, and as a once-upon-a-time husband now going through a divorce, the extremely simple art and act of constantly looking at my own life from a multitude of angles and vantages has been a real lifesaver for me this past year.
So often, we tend to just get real comfortable seeing our days pass us by from one particular row in the theater, so to speak. Trying to see things from a different perspective can help immensely.
I do that. For me. And for my kids. Even in the actual heat of battle, when my son Henry is having an epic tantrum on the kitchen floor while his sister is asking me for a chocolate milk and their baby brother is spitting up formula and I smell poop, I try and stop myself as I’m losing my mind. Trust me, it doesn’t always work — there are times when I lose my mind and I holler or panic or even feel like I’m going to hurl myself through the window and just run down the road until I hit the woods.
But when it does work, which is more and more frequently, and when I am able to zoom way back on this situation going down around me in real time, and I see me as a character in a film, I am suddenly able to direct myself towards the best possible ending to the scene! Or, if I need to, I can zoom way in, and concentrate on the kid that needs me the most. And by doing that: I can maintain my calm, manufacture enough Zen to get me through the next fifteen minutes, and help the kid who needs me most.
So yeah. I’m gonna keep on doing this in 2015. I have to. I’m a dad. It just makes sense.
—
2. TV time.
Over the past few months, as I set up my own house as a single-dad and struggled with finding and maintaining the necessary grooves that help my kids feel safe and happy, I lost something big. I became this Tasmanian Devil of hyperactivity, hardly ever stopping to just sit down on the couch with my daughter and sons to watch a little Sponge Bob with them or whatever.
But then a few weeks ago, I realized that enough was enough. Certain things, certain chores and all could wait. I had to do it. I needed to be with them, even if just for 20 minutes a day, in a position where they could climb all over my body and stand on my head and stare at me while they poke my face with their Hulk action figures and their stuffed animals. We needed each other to be with each other, if that makes any sense. So now, I’m all about it. I leave dishes in the sink even when I want to get them done, and I collapse onto the couch where they’re jumping around if they’re still wired, or where they’re curled up if they’re getting tired, and I just chill with them for a little while.
And it’s everything to me, man. And to them, too, I just know it. I’m going to keep doing this in 2015. And I’m going to keep doing this until three cocky teenagers see me doing it and then get up slowly and move off to their bedrooms without a word.
—
3. Talk about love.
I lost love this year. I lost my marriage to divorce. And listen, no matter what anyone says about that, no matter how much you did or didn’t want your relationship to end, it still hurts when such a gargantuan potential source of love in your life is suddenly gone. There is a void the size of fifty galaxies that settles in your bones. Where there once was love, blooming and thriving, there is just this nuclear wasteland, winds-a-wailing.
That’s where my kids saved me, I think. Even without knowing it or trying, our kids are a saving grace in this world, just by being here. They heal our broken hearts with a mere glance across the room, a little at a time, never realizing the super-powers they possess.
So I’ve come to understand that I need to tell my kids just what they mean to me. Not in some sappy, overwrought way that spoils them or makes them immune to the power of my compliments either. I get it. I get what I’m doing. I just need to tell them on a daily basis that I love them bigger than a T-rex, and higher than the “Vampire State Building,” and heavier than fifty elephants stood upon their tiny heads.
If you haven’t been saying it as often as you maybe could, well, you’d be surprised how high it can make you, telling a child you love them on a daily basis. You’d be surprised how much juice it can put in your engines.
I’m so damn glad I started doing this. I’m so glad I started getting off on letting them in on my thing for them. And I’m so glad that, as 2015 rolls in like the unstoppable tide of mystery and madness that it’s bound to be, I already know a couple easy ways to roll with the punches life will land upside my head.
These kids, huh? Who knew?
Happy New Year to you and yours.
Image source: Thinkstock
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