Our New Years Eve, like many parents across the country, was spent at home in our pajamas, anxiously watching the clock through bleary eyes to see how early we could get away with putting the kids to bed.
Everyone in our household was sick with raging fevers and faucet-like noses, a delightful combination especially for the three-and-under crowd not yet familiar with the proper use of tissues. I praised God for the genius that came up with the Netflix kids’ countdown that allowed me to tuck a happy crowd in at a mere eight o’clock and helped my husband and I collapse in a heap on the bed for the 12 minutes of sleep we were destined to get that night. (But don’t tell my past self that — let her dream big, just for a night.)
The next morning, I scrolled through countless posts and pictures of happy, smiling families with picturesque scenes and glittering words abounding, such as “blessed,” “joyous,” “beautiful,” “restful,” and resolutions centered on better lives from seemingly already perfect people. I looked around at my house in complete disarray, kids in that crabby, restless state between sick and healthy, and our Christmas “break” that would go down as one of the worst in history and all I could think was, “Who the heck are these people?”
I don’t know if it’s just me, if I’m doing a horrible job as a parent, or if we are really in over our heads with four kids, but the honest truth is that I’m too freaking tired to even contemplate making any resolutions of any kind. What, exactly, is the point? My only goal at this point in my life is to survive the day and someday achieve some kind of balance again — so the brutal fact of the matter is that the only sort of New Year’s “resolutions” I will be making are the ones that I will not be making.
1. To spend less time on my phone.
Look, it’s a part of life and for many of us, part of how we make a living. We can tame it, we can fight it all we want, but it’s not going away, so we can at least stop feeling guilty about it.
2. To soak up every minute.
The next person that tells me this will be dragged to my house to hang out with me and the kiddos at 3 o’clock in the morning, that hallowed hour when puke always flies and kids never sleep. You’ve been warned.
3. To exercise more.
Someday I’ll have all of the time in the world to join a gym, but this year, at least until my baby is done breastfeeding, it’s just not going to happen every day and it really is OK. I’m not saying I’m going to go roll in a field of Twinkies, but I’m just over beating myself up for not looking like a freaking Victoria’s Secret model after popping out four kids, mmmk?
4. To give my kids less sugar.
Haha, NOPE. Now, c’mere kids, who wants a cake from a pan doused in boiled tree sap for breakfast? (Side note: is there sugar in syrup? Then yes!)
5. To stop yelling at my kids.
There’s a fine line between yelling and a problem, but when you are trying to herd small children out of the door to go anywhere, especially in the winter, a little voice escalation (like what I did there? #wordplay) is just bound to happen.
6. Making a “word” for the year.
Actually, on second thought, I’ll go with “sleep.” How’s that for inspiring?
7. To get my kids to watch less TV.
On the contrary, I’ve come to a revelation that my first-time parenting self was entirely too strict about this. When my four-year-old, my second-born, asks me to watch a movie in the middle of the afternoon now, I don’t worry about the repercussions down the line someday — I grab a blanket and enjoy cuddling up next to her while I still can.
8. To take more pictures.
I go back and forth on this one. Over Christmas break this year, I shut off my phone and my computer and tried to just live in the moment and it felt so dang good. I love looking back at pictures of my kids, but I also hate the pressure of always feeling like I can never miss the perfect shot or the anxiety I have to try to enjoy the moment and capture it forever.
9. To live in the moment.
But, on the flip side, I can assure you that I have no intentions of trying to live in the moment all of the time, because honestly, not every moment of parenting is worth fully soaking in. I believe parenting is why things like “wine o’clock” were invented, yes? Will I look back on the brutal sleepless nights and see the bigger picture and realize how blessed I really was? Of course — but that doesn’t mean I need to be breaking out into joyous song whilst I will my body to keep moving when I take my 18,000th lap around the house in the middle of the night with a feverish baby.
10. To make healthier meals.
I’m just going to go ahead and put my bento box dreams aside and admit that meals shall consist of whatever the heck I can get my kids to eat that day. None of my kids like the same foods (not even that kid classic of mac and cheese) so meal times are brutal enough without worrying about cutting up my celery pieces into sailboats. Not. Happening.
Image via j&j brusie photography