If you’re a parent with a Twitter account, chances are you tweet about your kids — and often. Some of the things we’ve seen (the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly) are just begging to be shared, and who the time for more than 140 characters, anyway? Not us. So here you go — the funniest tweets from __parents on Twitter this week. #YoureWelcome
1. Better to be safe than sorry.
I just overheard my 4yo say, you want a piece of me? so now I'm hiding all the sharp objects in the house.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) April 18, 2017
2. All day, every day.
I'm covered in snot. And it doesn't belong to me #dadlife
— Joseph Gore (@Gore_Bore) April 19, 2017
3. Gosh.
Me: Pull your shoulder strap up.
6yo: Why?
Me: So your boobs don't show.
6yo: MOM WHY DO YOU NEVER LET ME DO ANYTHING INAPPROPRIATE?!— Wendy S. (@maughammom) April 20, 2017
4. Compliments come in all forms.
My son said I'm more beautiful than a garden gnome so don't try to tell me that motherhood isn't incredibly rewarding.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) April 20, 2017
5. How are they always hungry?
90% of parenting is responding to:
Can I have a snack?
— Dad's Take (@DadsTake) April 20, 2017
6. That’s a very good point.
First grade math makes no sense. I mean, who really buys 34 oranges and 21 apples in one day?!
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) April 19, 2017
7. You do what you gotta do to keep your kids healthy.
7: Can I try the new unicorn frappuccino?
Me: *Leans in and whispers* Do you realize how many unicorns have to die to make just one frap?
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) April 21, 2017
8. We’d give it another month?
How many times can I call my kids the wrong name & say "just kidding!" before they realize I'm not kidding and am just a horrible person?
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) April 20, 2017
9. #ParentingExpert.
"You shouldn't push people," I tell my 6yo, then look around for my parenting medal.
— Zoe vs. the Universe (@zoevsuniverse) April 21, 2017
10. You’ve got him wrapped around your finger now!
If only my baby understood what I'm offering her for falling asleep, she would definitely take that deal & snooze right away… #dadlife
— Dawid Romaldowski (@rmldsky) April 19, 2017
11. That’s some serious drama.
My kids are fighting over the remaining Easter candy and the drama level is approaching Spanish telenovela.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) April 20, 2017
12. Oh, mom brain.
While nursing I asked my daughter:
Where's the baby?Mom equivalent of looking for the pencil you are holding
Kids did this to me
— TheBabyLady (@thebabylady7) April 21, 2017
13. Kids are smarter than you think.
7yo: I know what the worst thing in the world is
My brain: This oughta be good
7yo: Being allergic to chocolate
Me: *sobbing* it's true!!— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) April 19, 2017
14. There’s no “win” in parenting.
My son insists on wearing shorts in cold weather because he's more comfortable & pants in hot weather just to remind me who's in charge.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) April 21, 2017
15. Finding the right motivation is key.
My daughter ran a 4-minute mile this morning. It happened right after I said, "let me see your phone."
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) April 19, 2017