If you’re a parent with a Twitter account, chances are you tweet about your kids — and often. Some of the things we’ve seen (the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly) are just begging to be shared, and who has the time for more than 140 characters? Not us. So here you go, the funniest tweets from __parents on Twitter this week. #yourewelcome
1. Child for sale.
Sick of never finding Legos in your bed?
Bored of a house free of inexplicably sticky areas?
DM me today about my Child Loan program!
— Sweatpants Cher (@House_Feminist) January 13, 2017
2. How do they do it??
Me: "You're going to bed in 5 minutes."
6yo: *bends the laws of space and time to make 5 minutes last 4 hours*
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) January 17, 2017
3. Noted.
If you're really desperate for a babysitter, YouTube videos of 1st person POV Disneyland rides can do the job in a pinch.
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) January 17, 2017
4. Like mother, like daughter.
The fun part of having a toddler in your 40s is that when you're laughing and jumping around at the park together you both pee your pants.
— SingleBabyMama (@_SingleBabyMama) January 15, 2017
5. My, how things have changed.
6 yo: *yells* Mom! I'm on level 18!!!!
Me: *peeks in room* PAGE 18, princess. You're reading.
6 yo: Oh
— Ms. Twtercide (@Twtercide) January 15, 2017
6. Oh … well, wow.
4 sampling Jello for the 1st time: "This is great! We should make it into a Jello drink!"
So now I'm scared about sending her to college.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) January 20, 2017
7. For realz.
If I could go back in time, I would definitely cash in on all of those naps that I never took as a kid.
— Eric (@downfront) January 17, 2017
8. We’re ready to switch roles.
Me to my 15yo: Can you please hurry up and turn 16 so you can go get ME ice cream for a change??
— one ordinary girl (@audri_em) January 18, 2017
9. Toddler life can be stressful.
My kid just screamed "DAMMIT!" and rage-quit his Legos so, no need to fear he was switched at birth, he's definitely mine.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) January 17, 2017
10. Every man for himself.
4-year-old: Why do you always lock the bathroom door?
Me: In case zombies attack
4: What about the rest of us?
Me: Find your own bathroom
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 17, 2017
11. Well played.
Me: If you don't clean your room you can't go to the sleepover tonight.
7: No. If YOU don't clean my room you don't get any quiet tonight.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) January 15, 2017
12. Thanks.
I do my part in promoting world peace by keeping my kids indoors on days where they haven't napped.
— Misanthropic Dad (@snotnboogers23) January 17, 2017
13. We wish you all the best.
There's not much difference between 2 kids and 27, home destruction wise, but congratulations on your second pregnancy.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) January 17, 2017
14. Cake in the dark is better than no cake.
Parenthood can have it's dark moments.
Like in this closet where I'm hiding eating my cake.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 19, 2017
15. They can’t possibly still be thirsty!
How many times can we ask for a glass of water before mom & dad get pissed?
Kids everywhere every night.
— It'sReally10Months (@really10months) January 16, 2017