A few years ago, I went on the record to say yes, I believe in spanking. Now before you pull out your pitchforks and torches, I also strongly believe there is a huge difference between a tap on the tush to get your message across and deliberately beating your child. No human being deserves to be physically or mentally abused, but it seems like a lot of people view any form of corporal punishment as abuse — even a parent mildly spanking their child.
We all know that spanking has always been a hot topic issue, but it recently made headlines again when Pope Francis commented on the matter. He was quoted as saying it’s OK for parents to spank their children as long as it’s done with dignity. I agree with the Pope on this, but only to a certain extent.
I’m not saying that it has to happen all the time, nor should it be the only method of discipline used, but I do agree with the Pope when he says that parents are allowed to discipline with a firm hand when needed.
For those who are 100 percent against spanking (especially those of the mind that “you wouldn’t hit an adult, so why is it ok to hit a child?”), let me say this: I have a hard time agreeing with parents who say you should treat your children the same way you would treat adults. A 2-year-old toddler simply doesn’t have the same reasoning as a 30-something professional, and I’ve never seen a post-grad student throw a major tantrum on the floor of a bakery because they ran out of chocolate pistachio cupcakes. Sometimes “no” means “BS HAHA LOL” to a toddler who is hell-bent in getting what they want, and they will wreak havoc until it happens (did I say toddler? Make that toddler and teenager).
So given that I’m not against spanking in theory, what prompted my personal change of heart on the matter? Why did I change my position on spanking my own children? Because they’ve grown and so have I. I’m not the same parent that I was four or five or even seven years ago. My parenting style today is that more of a diplomat as I’ve realized that firm words are more effective than firm hands. As elementary school-aged kids now, they have a better understanding of crime and consequences.
But just because I myself wouldn’t do it, I also wouldn’t pass judgment on someone who did still apply that form of discipline.
One example that has always stuck with me, when the subject of corporal punishment is on the table, is the scene from the movie “The Descendants,” when George Clooney’s character spanks his teenage daughter.
The girl, played by Shailene Woodley, is mouthing off (and near her mother’s death bed, too!), and finally the father gives her a swift slap in the behind that sends the message loud and clear.
I can’t say what I would do, if faced with that behavior in real life, because every child – and situation – is different. But going back to what the Pope said, it did the teenager no harm and sent her a signal right away that said papa George meant business.
Enforcing rules as a parent is a tough job, but as much as we all hate doing it, it has to be done. If the maturity is lacking, than by all means, moms and dads do what you need to do to keep your youngins’ in line.
I can promise you that you won’t be hearing any social commentary from me, especially if your kids grow up to have a healthy respect for authority (something that is lacking all too often these days).
For my family though, my job is to make sure my children know what the consequences are for rebellious behavior – without having to go that far. Lord knows I want to do the best I can while preserving my dignity as well.