CEO’s Innovative Policies Prove Work-Life Balance Can Actually Exist

Jennifer Garner got some golf claps recently when she mentioned how, at a press junket for her most recent film, every reporter asked about balancing work and family, while her husband, Ben Affleck, was not asked the same question by even a single news outlet as he simultaneously promoted his latest movie.

(The smattering of applause might have been a standing ovation if anyone were really worried that two A-list, millionaire movie stars married to each other with the means to have round-the-clock help should they choose to work were in need of some sympathy.)

However, close your eyes and throw a rock (somewhere outside of Hollywood) and chances are you’ll hit someone who works for a company for which work-life balance is an urban legend. For most worker bees, it simply doesn’t exist. That’s why working families — and working moms in particular — struggle so much to stay employed and engaged in their careers while also being present in a meaningful way with their spouses and kids.

In a 24/7 smartphone world, the urge to work late and on weekends and respond to texts and emails at all hours can be hard to resist for fear of falling behind or missing out, particularly if a younger or single co-worker is nipping at your heels. It can be a viscous cycle that ultimately discourages those with career and family ambitions from wholeheartedly pursuing both.

Then you read about someone like Kevin Cleary and it’s as if the actual Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus have knocked on your door with a bottle of Cabernet to let you toast with them to the fact that, indeed, they are real. Cleary is the CEO of Clif Bar and Company, which produces energy bars. He was recently profiled by ABC News, although not because he’s taken the company through tough times to some unprecedented growth (although maybe he has), but because he is blazing a trail for a healthy work-life balance.

Cleary is the dad to three young sons, and in an effort to actually father them in a purposeful and robust way, he is walking the walk and doing his best to ensure his employees who chose to do the same are able to. For starters, employees are paid to exercise each week for two and a half hours in an on-site, company-owned gym complete with a climbing wall. Cleary himself runs 20 miles a week, and when he does it on the clock, he makes sure to “walk back through the company” — sweat and all — because “it’s a good example for me to set for people at the company.”

He doesn’t send out emails at night or on the weekend because “I don’t want to set the expectation that people should be working at 7 or 8 at night. I get home at 6:30. I put the phone in my home office. I leave it there, then I’m just dedicated to my kids. Once a week, I cut out of work early and I’m coaching my twins — they are 6 — their soccer team, and I coach their baseball team. It’s important for people to see me doing that and see it’s okay,” he told ABC News.

Maybe at first blush the idea of working for a company where the person in charge encourages a healthy lifestyle doesn’t seem earth-shattering, but check with the person whom you just hit with a rock (and be sure to apologize, by the way) and chances are, they would love to be employed somewhere in which the expectation isn’t that you’ll be clocked in for a single moment after you’ve already clocked out. And to be paid to exercise? That’s stuff you’d think only models and celebrities get to do. Maybe Clif Bar and Company could be making even more money if the atmosphere at work were a more cut-throat one, or maybe they realized that while operating in the black is necessary, at a certain point, money just isn’t everything.

That it’s a male CEO leading the way is a nice change, too. Speaking to Jennifer Garner’s point (although with the world’s smallest violin playing in the background), it’s nice that there’s good news about what a company is trying to do for families. Also, that it is a man leading the charge in what is often assumed as being something mostly important to women, and he’s being asked how and why he does it all. The only thing that would be better would be if more businesses see the benefit in following Cleary’s lead and creating an environment that encourages productivity, good health, and a life outside of the cubicle — for men and women.

Photo courtesy of ABC News

More from Meredith on Babble

Follow Meredith on Twitter and check out her regular column on the op-ed page of The Denver Post at MeredithCarroll.com

12 Witty Responses to “You Have Your Hands Full”

I took the kids for our weekly grocery store run yesterday. I usually try to time it so that I can go by myself (because every mom needs a mini vacation) but that just wasn’t possible this week. As soon as I walked in the door, I saw that it was packed. Grocery shopping is hard enough with three kids, but add a huge crowd in the mix and it becomes a circus show.

I had the baby in a baby carrier, the toddler in the grocery cart, and my oldest pushing the minerature cart next to mine. As I swiveled my way through the crowd trying to scratch things off of my list and get out of the store as quickly as possible, I hear someone speak up from behind.

“You sure have your hands full.” 

I hear this phrase at least once when I’m out with all three kids. It used to have no effect on me. I’d just smile, say yes, and quickly move on. But now that I hear it all the time, the phrase has started to drive me nuts. While I don’t think that the people that say this to me are trying to be negative (although I have had a few that do mean it that way) and are just trying to create conversation, I do think that there are plenty of other things that you can say to a mother who clearly does have her hands full that would be much more helpful to her.

As I stood there in the busy grocery store with all three kids asking for something at once, I thought to myself that I wish I had some sort of comeback to this person that just pointed out the obvious to me. So I enlisted my fellow friends on the Internet to help and here are their witty responses below:

“We just don’t know how to say no.” — Kellyn G.

I seriously laughed out loud at this response. You know some people are thinking it and their “nice” way of saying it is by the “hands full” phrase, so why not point out what they’re really thinking?

“Want to babysit?” — Clarissa L.

Because I’d love a babysitter for these exact moments!

“Not really. My hands are empty.” — Amy C.

An appropriate response for all of the babywearing parents out there!

“It just looks that way cause my hands are small. I can handle way more this this.” — @hiptot

Until you are a parent, you have no idea how much you can hold in your hands or even do with one hand. Even with three kids at the grocery store, I can handle much more than it may seem.

“Yes … my hands and my heart” — @jill_jano

I love this response. During those moments that I seem completely overwhelmed as a mom of three, my heart is still completely full.

“But my heart is fuller.” — @tinico

No matter how full my hands may seem, it will never surpass the amount of love that fills my heart from my three children.

“Yes, the best full possible” — @onemomsworld

I wouldn’t want to fill my hands with anything better!

“Right? Will you take a few?” — @littlehipsqueaks

I’d love to see their response to this. Especially as one is screaming, the other is throwing a tantrum, and the other is begging for more of the food samples in the back of the store.

“Nah. There’s always room for more.” — @thebestpartofme

This is the best response for those that say it to you in a negative way because they think you are crazy for having children.

“Better than empty.” — @barefeetonthedashboard

That’s for sure!

“You need to get a new line.” — @blanqigirls

If I’m feeling extra snappy and know that they are trying to insult me, this is a great line to use.

“Want to lend me one of your empty hands?” — Nicole W.

If only they really could. I’d love if I said this back to someone and they offered to give me a helping hand. That would be a perfect way to help out a parent with their “hands full.”

So what would your response be to the phrase, “You have your hands full?” 

Image courtesy of Lauren Jimeson

The impact of numerology over the names

Whenever an infant is born into a family, it’s a norm to first assess him/her with a name. The name of a person is just not a word to be referred to them but actually is the definition, a description of their personality and the briefing of their traits. It should be made very sure that while naming a person all the necessary measures are taken care of. They say that labeling of a product is done properly to define the quality of that product. The same theory can be applied upon assessing names to the young ones too. The better the name the more illustrative would be the definition.

 

While a lot of people who believe in ancestry, name their children on the basis of their legacy or the family trees, while others who believe in Numerology have different opinions. The people who believe in numerology work and practice a lot with numbers before naming their kids. In numerology each letter of your name is said to have an individual corresponding number. Cornerstone is said to be the first letter in your name while capstone is said to be the last one. Under Numerology the first vowel is also given sheer importance, as it is said to fulfill all your urges and dreams in life. Each and every letter in this section has a meaning of its own and preparing a name with all those combine meaningful letters will eventually make out the best desired result. The sum of the numbers in your birth date and the sum of numbers you make out while naming a person displays a great deal in the character, the future, the strengths and the weakness of an individual. Numerology helps in standing and fighting against all these weaknesses and odds. Believers say that numerology make you achieve whatever you want in life, and not just infants, a lot of people change their names in the later stages of their life too after realizing the problems they are suffering in their lives and in order to fight against them. This concept of Numerology was initially brought up by the Babylonians but gradually everyone started practicing it and eventually it became so popular and effective that now it is practiced across almost all over the world. There might be no scientific proofs about the authenticity of these numerology charts, but people still have faith in ample numbers about the relationship of words and numbers.

 

People also believe that in Numerology the on goings and the redemption is based upon three major factors; the date of birth, the name given to you on your birth and the name you use currently. The third factor can well be managed according to the needs and necessary requirements by the Numerology charts. There are ways to work over your names even if you’re a grown up in order to get over the grey shades you are going through in your personal lives. So everyone needs to go through that Numerology chart while assessing their young ones with new names.

 

Browse through name meaning, rankings, other people's comments, ratings, and other statistics in addition to the name meanings.

 

7 Stereotypes About Motherhood That Totally Annoy Me

Today, I was just about every motherhood cliché in the book.

I sent the kids off to school in my pajamas, my hair still not brushed from the night before, I called my husband in tears because the remaining at-home children seemed to be hell-bent on a mission to destroy my sanity and the house, and I actually snapped a picture of my son on the toilet surrounded by the entire roll of toilet paper he had just ripped into a million little pieces the moment I turned my back.

It’s in moments like this, or in the years I have spent literally barefoot and pregnant in my kitchen, or in my truly great affection for all things coffee and Target, that I can’t help but laugh at how many stereotypes are completely true about mothers. But on the flip side, not all of those motherhood stereotypes are accurate. And in fact, some of them are just downright annoying, like …

 1. That all we want to do is nap.

Yes, I’m tired a lot of the time, but if I have the choice between being productive or taking a nap in the middle of the day, I will most always choose to do something productive. A nap might be nice, but a good hour of productivity can feel just as refreshing. Besides, kids have a built-in radar that will automatically wake them up if their mother tries to apply her body to a bed of any kind, so it’s kind of pointless anyways.

 2. That we are just sooo busy all the time.

Can I make a confession? One of the things I hate most is hearing just how “busy” other mothers are. It’s always relayed in a slightly condescending voice that is trying to sound like a complaint but just comes across as, woe-is-me-for-being-so-important. I’m sorry, but schlepping your three-year-old to ballet twice a week or planning your kid’s birthday party are not things to stress about — moms who have sick kids that need countless medical appointments or a single parent who works as a doctor — now those parents can deem themselves busy. But on any given day, half of the mothers who would like to say they are “sooo busy” are doing activities that they have, in fact, created precisely to keep themselves busy. Two year olds don’t need music lessons and until your kid is in school and truly starts asking for all those extracurricular activities, life as a mom doesn’t have to be so busy all the time. And don’t even get me started on whoever declared that being “busy” is a bragging right anyway.

 3. That we never have time to shower.

This one seems to make its way into virtually every parenting article known to man, and honestly, I don’t get it. I’m not saying that I’ve never skipped an occasional shower or that I wash my hair every day, but honestly, reading the majority of parenting advice out there makes it seem like it’s hip to skip. Now call me crazy, but with four kids, my need for a shower has never been greater. Drag the baby in the bouncer with you into the bathroom for five minutes, stick the toddler in the tub, or discover my favorite secret and shower at night after the kids are sleeping (#wethairdonttcare), but one way or another, just take the freaking shower.

 4. That we are all emotional blubber balls about our kids growing up.

My husband thinks it’s great fun to tease me about our kids growing up. He will purposely pick them up and hold them in his arms taunting me by saying stuff like, “Remember when she was our baby? It seems like just yesterday and before you know it, they will be leaving you …” And then he stares at me, just waiting for the tears to fall. And while I admit that I have my emotional mom moments, I will also say that there are some pretty awesome things about watching your kids grow up — and not every mom longs for the baby days to stay forever, as incredible as they can be. Sometimes, I’d really like to move past this particular stereotype and somehow learn not to use the phrase, “I can’t believe they are growing up so fast!” every.single.day.

 5. That we all love to craft with our kids.

I spent a lot of time when my first daughters were little trying to dream up fun and cutesy crafts. Bonus points if they were seasonal. And while we had some good times together, the majority of those craft sessions were preceded by hours of me doing research for the craft, gathering supplies, trying to teach them the craft, usually doing the craft for them when all their efforts failed, and then me displaying the craft for 24 hours until I could secretly throw it in the trash. I don’t have proof, but I’m fairly certain that crafts aren’t for kids — they are more for mothers who think they should do them (and for the small percentage of moms who genuinely enjoy crafting). But honestly, most kids are just as happy with a piece of paper and some crayons as any elaborate Pinterest craft you can dream up, so let’s stop assuming that every mom even wants “10 Picture-Perfect Crafts for A Rainy Afternoon,” mmmkay?

 6. That we’re all obsessed with sneaking veggies into our kids’ smoothies.

The Internet would like us all to think that mothers everywhere are obsessed with buying organic, free-range, all-natural everything and spend our afternoons pinning the latest and greatest kale smoothie recipe. And while I’m all about whatever floats your boat and getting on board with a healthy lifestyle, I can also attest that not all moms or even (gasp) first-time moms are spending their nights counting how many servings of veggies their kids got that day.

 7. That we all are part of the “mommy wars.”

Much like that one kid in class who always ruined recess for everyone else, a few crazy mom-trolls have convinced the entire world that all mothers are out to get each other with their breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding vs. working moms vs. how dare-you-say-not-all-moms-aren’t-working moms vs. vaccinations vs. circumcisions vs. who knows else what. But honestly? There are more of us who are simply just glad to get through another day and could care less what choices other mothers are making. You want to pre-chew your kids food or breastfeed until kindergarten? Go for it. I’ve got enough to worry about right here in my house without getting involved in a losing battle with every other mother in the world, thanks. And if any stereotype about motherhood is true, it’s that motherhood really can be a unifying experience — we’re all in this together and some of us really are more interested in holding each other up instead of tearing each other down.

Image via j&j brusie photography

More by Chaunie:

The Day My Husband Became a Stay-at-Home Dad

7 Parenting “Rules” I Don’t Follow

What Happened When My Husband Told Me The Truth About My Body

When It Comes to Buying Toys, I’m the Chief Executive Nobot

Around my house, I’m the CEN — the Chief Executive Nobot. I feel like all I ever say to my four year old is NO, particularly when it comes to her frequent requests for toys.

“Mom, can I have that doll?”

“No.”

“Can I have that plastic squirrel thing?”

“No.”

“Another Dora microphone?”

“No.”

“Barbie?”

“I’ll give you a hint: It rhymes with bo.” 

I don’t like saying no to toys all the time. It actually kind of sucks. But I’ve realized in my short career as a parent that more toys don’t necessarily lead to more play. I mean, they can lead to more play. They’re intended to lead to more play. And very often, they do lead to more play.

But one does not absolutely beget the other.

Besides, all too often, that promise land of play is fleetingly short-lived. Like, five seconds after the package has been ripped open, when the child realizes the plastic fairy thingy doesn’t actually fly. It just sits on the ground shoved under the sofa until a parental comes along and inadvertently vacuums it up. Another $19.99 bites the dust.

You know this to be true if you’ve ever watched a small child tear open a gift and end up playing with the box it came in. Or amuse themselves for hours (okay, 5 minutes) with the wrapping paper while the toy just lies there, already forgotten.

Toys are for kids like cosmetics are for women: We’re told by our culture we need them. We’ve absorbed the message we can’t be our best selves without them. Yet most end up like that giant pile of unused, unworn eye shadow and various concealer sticks that lie in a dusty graveyard bin in your bathroom. We don’t use it, we don’t wear it (except for a few key staples) yet we keep buying it.

What a glut of toys will do is lead to a house full of chaos and clutter and give you, the parent, an irrational hatred of all things Bratz.

I realize I probably come off to some like a rigid, unsmiling ascetic who expects her child to have a hum dinger of a fun time by rubbing sticks and tossing pebbles into the air. This is incorrect. June has tons of toys. I bought her Skate and Spin Dora, Goldieblox, Legos, puzzles, card games, various dolls, and cherubically cute animal figurines. She has plenty of toys (three quarters of which I don’t even where they came from), I just don’t rely on them. Because I’ve found she actually plays better without them.

Here is the gist of the conversation at my house after June comes home from preschool:

“Hey, Mom, can I play with the iPad?”

“No.”

“Can I watch a movie?”

“No.”

“Will you play Super Skater Dora with me?”

“No … I’m, um, folding laundry and taking care of the baby.” 

The truth is, I intentionally leave June with not much to do. I know this sounds harsh, but it’s actually my strategy for stoking unstructured creative play.

She typically grouses about the injustice for a bit but within a few moments I watch from the kitchen as she slips into this amazing, imaginary dream world in which she stars as the princess in her own fairy tale, meandering around the castle talking to herself and the pillows and making friends from socks. She concocts whole scenes and scenarios; the staircase becomes a secret ladder. A scarf becomes a cape. My shoes become a pair of invisibility boots.

I like to think a dedication to aimless, pointless, unstructured fantasy play wires kids for deeper creative thinking down the road, no props or dolls or gadgets necessary. She doesn’t need a gadget to tell her how to have fun. She creates her own amusement from imagination alone. Either that, or June is just weird. But I don’t think so.

Sooner or later, the spell wears off and she’s back to asking me for toys and screens again. I eventually acquiesce – I’m not that hardcore – and get down on the floor for a game of Memory, or some such, but I take pride knowing my little girl is equipped to create her own fun, not a single prop necessary. At least for a little while.

7 Ways Parents Could Get Insantly Rich Off Their Kids

They’re paying for this crap? Yesssssss!

There’s some place outside of Boston that’s paying people $40 a day for their poop. By my estimation, if my children were to participate, and if I took a 10-15 percent cut as their momager, I could retire in roughly eight months.

According to Boston.com, OpenBiome is the only independent nonprofit stool bank in the country, and it “collects, tests and provides fecal samples to 122 hospitals in 33 states for one of the most interesting medical treatment innovations today: fecal microbiota transplantation.”

That is interesting, but what’s even more interesting is the idea that I can profit off of my kids for stuff they’re already doing that’s not costing me anything (except for maybe some sleep and dignity).

Here are 7 ways I would make a mint off my kids without ever leaving home (you know, other than to make deposits at the poop bank):

1. Whining

Surely there’s a social scientist out there just waiting for the perfect subjects to decipher exactly why they whine and what each whine means. Of course, as a mom, I am pretty good at differentiating between even the most minute decibel levels (perhaps the difference between someone stealing an M&M and a treasured rock being misplaced, for instance). But I don’t claim to be an expert.

However, should a trained professional with the right budget need the perfect whiners, may I present my kids, who could rival any middle school band with their cacophony of complaints.

2. Fighting

I’m sure my kids love each other. This, despite the fact that they spend approximately 78 percent of each day engaged in World War IV. They don’t do as much damage as, say, members of Fight Club (although even if they did, it’s not like I’d be at liberty to acknowledge it). But their words and claws can be viscous enough that I’d hazard a guess and say someone might pay us to come over and shoot a documentary on two little girls with the biggest hairpin triggers this side of the Mississippi.

3. Knock Knock Jokes

If I had a dollar for each of my kids’ knock knock jokes, and even more specifically, for those that make absolutely no sense and are based on nothing even remotely humorous, I could pick up the tab at every bar everywhere in perpetuity. Of course I wouldn’t start paying until I bought myself enough liquor to drown out the noise of incessant knocking.

4. Saturday Morning Alarm Clock

Why set my alarm clock on Saturday morning when I know my kids will appear in my face at the precise time I appear in theirs on weekday mornings — only to have them cry and mewl about being too tired to get up. Yet on weekends, there they are. Up, alert, and ready to start the day with me at their side and at their service. If I had a dollar for each time this passed, I could hire someone for them to bother in the mornings instead.

5. Messes

Surely there are maids-in-training who would be eager to learn how to clean even the most nuanced of messes. If so, I’d like to throw my kids’ room in the ring for consideration. It’s not as if I don’t want my kids to pick up after themselves, it’s just that no amount of threats, cajoling, punishments, or bribes can get them to do it and maintain it. So, since this is a lose-lose situation for me, I’m going to try and turn this frown upside down and offer others the opportunity to pick up after my kids while paying me for it. After all, once they go on to more professional jobs, everything will seem like a breeze if it’s not underneath my kids’ bed. You’re welcome.

6. Inopportune Kisses and Nudity

I love kisses from my children. I love when they don’t hesitate to get undressed for a bath. What I don’t love is when they attempt to smother me with kisses when their hands are coated in paint, their teeth aren’t brushed, or they’re trying to kiss me in an effort to distract from the task at hand. Also what I don’t love? Public nudity. It was cute when they were babies and it was summer and we were at a backyard barbeque. But every time they strip down in the supermarket I realize we may be in need of a bare-belly-button-and-naked-butt intervention.

7. Toots

Yes, as previously mentioned, I could retire if I got paid-per-poop created by my kids. But the only thing they produce more often than poop is false alarms, or toots, as we call them in our family. Unfortunately, they don’t smell as charming as they sound. However, I’d be much more inclined to smile each time one of them passes gas if there were some greens being presented to me as hazard pay for having a naked butt in my face (see No. 6) so very, very often. The sweet smell of money is just about the only thing that could snuff out the other, not-so-sweet smell.

Photo credit: Meredith Carroll

More from Meredith on Babble

Follow Meredith on Twitter and check out her regular column on the op-ed page of The Denver Post at MeredithCarroll.com

Does a Teen Have a Right to Their Privacy?

Last night, I watched the movie Blended. At one point, single mom Lauren (played by Drew Barrymore) goes on a blind date. Her son questions her about her date, asking her things that he could only know if he’d read her email. Realizing that her son had invaded her privacy and looked in her computer, she talks to him about the importance of respecting privacy. A little later, while gathering laundry from under her son’s bed, Lauren discovers a bikini-clad centerfold with a picture of their babysitter’s head taped over the model’s face. Shocked and disgusted, she rips the page to shreds. However, her conversation about respecting privacy comes back to haunt her and she instantly regrets tearing up the picture. Which leads me to the question – is it important to respect your child’s privacy (especially if you expect him to respect yours) or, as a parent, do you have the right, or even the responsibility, to invade your child’s personal space to monitor what he’s doing?

I put myself in Lauren’s place. What would I do if I found a centerfold with the babysitter’s face taped to it under my son’s bed? First, since my kids’ babysitters are their older siblings, I’d probably have to sign us all up for therapy. Then, as much as I’d like to throw it away and pretend like it simply disappeared into the great unknown along with all the single socks, that one brown button I can no longer find, and the remnants of my sanity, I’d have to confront my kid with the whole “it’s normal part of growing up, but don’t objectify women” speech.

But is it okay to snoop into your kids’ lives? Just last week, I read about hackers getting thousands of Snapchat photos. If you’d checked up on your child’s social media use and had seen inappropriate pictures, maybe you could’ve stopped their behavior before Snapchat was infiltrated. That could certainly save a ton of embarrassment, therapy, and even worse consequences. Then again, if you’ve taught your child about acceptable social media use, you shouldn’t have to check up on them, right? In a perfect world anyway. And if they didn’t heed your wise advice, I imagine they’d certainly learn quickly after their leaked photos hit the Internet.

A father came and spoke at my school a couple years ago. He talked about his son who had committed suicide. After his son died, this father searched his computer for clues as to what triggered his son’s depression. What he found was a wealth of information that showed his son had been the victim of unbearable cyber-bullying. Had this father been checking up on his son’s online activity, he could have intervened and very possibly prevented this horrific tragedy. Does this mean that we, as parents, have an obligation to check up on our kids in order to keep them safe?

Of course, snooping on our kids is easier said than done sometimes. I have a good friend who checks her son’s phone every night. She told me that it isn’t foolproof, however, as her son deletes texts and hides apps with a simple swipe of his finger. She confronts him about the discrepancies she finds, but he generally denies any wrongdoing. Is it worth checking up on our kids when they can outsmart many parents and find ways to hide inappropriate online behavior?

There are several apps that will track your child’s phone. These are great tools when your teen says he’s at work, yet according to the GPS tracker on his phone, he’s at the party down the street. These are also handy if your child loses his phone. They also give piece of mind that should your child ever be abducted that you’ll be able to track them. But is it ethical to track your kid’s phone like that? Does it break down your relationship with your child and destroy the trust?

I honestly don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer here. I know that parents are divided on the issue and each side has valid points. I personally snoop into my kids’ lives a little bit and I don’t feel guilty about it. I’m doing it in a concerned-for-their-well-being sort of way, not an intrusive, nosy, busy-body sort of way. I’d probably check on my kids more often, but I’m basically lazy and forgetful. And honestly, I can hardly remember my own passwords, let alone my kids’!

I admittedly check on some of my kids more than others. Some of my kids have proven to be responsible and trustworthy. Others, well the others haven’t quite gotten there. I guess I take a middle-of-the-road approach. If I have concerns, I’ll snoop into my kids’ business and I won’t feel one bit guilty about it because I figure it’s my business to help keep them safe. But mostly I leave my kids alone and trust that they’re making good choices because that’s what I’ve taught them.

How about you? Where do you stand? Do you watch over your child’s shoulder? Do you completely respect their privacy? Or are you somewhere in-between?

Image courtesy of ThinkStock

If You Have a Problem with Moms Breastfeeding in Public, That’s Your Problem

In case you missed it, another mom just trying to feed her kid was booted out and humiliated for flashing a little boob in public recently. Only this time it was a hospital that kicked her out. You know, the place that promotes breastfeeding sometimes to the point of bullying new moms? What the? But yeah, it happened. According to Jezebel, Erin Peña posted about the incident on the KCBD Facebook page:

I’m so furious and upset. I just got thrown out of my ObGyn/Pediatrician’s office for breastfeeding! The receptionist told me I couldn’t breastfeed in the lobby and had to go to the bathroom or room in the back. I said I had the right to breastfeed anywhere. She said if I don’t stop she will cancel my baby’s appointment. His appointment was for his vaccines! I refused and she canceled it, so I went to find the doctor thinking she would be reasonable and she wasn’t. She was condescending, kept calling me honey. I said, “No one in the lobby even cared.” She rudely said, yeah they do they just don’t say it to your face.

I said they were wrong and it was illegal what they were doing. She called security on me and I left with the officer. The guy asked what happened and when I told him, even he was like, What? That’s what this was about???

I’m so disgusted. My doctor even lied saying I was walking around with my breast hanging out, even though she never saw what happened. I was just sitting there in a chair. It was sickening.

Even though it’s against the law, I would respect a restaurant’s wishes if it asked me to leave, but a pediatrics’s office at UMC??????

Alright. That’s it. I’m just so sick of writing stories about women getting shit for breastfeeding ANYWHERE. Listen up, silly Americans with your ridiculous puritanical notions about boobs. Women can whip ‘em out and feed their children whenever and wherever they want. If you have a problem with it, YOU leave. Because when it comes down to it, when you freak out about public breastfeeding from a “moral” standpoint, all that says it that you’ve sexualized them to the point that you can’t fathom that they’re there to feed babies, not hit you in your morality meter.

Explain that conundrum to me: sexualizing boobs to the point that you’re morally opposed to seeing them in public. You’re the one sexualizing them! The problem is you, not us moms. So in short: get over your obsession with boobs.

A spokesperson for University Medical Center says they take full responsibility and are working to make sure an incident like this does not occur in the future. Finley also said that UMC Health System supports breastfeeding as the best infant feeding option for moms and babies. Really? That’s nice to hear because Texas law is pretty clear: “A mother is entitled to breastfeed her baby in any location in which the mother is authorized to be.”

Get it? Got it? Good.

A genius Jezebel commenter can have the last word on this one: “It is Texas. She should have just said that her baby was fracking for milk.”

Image courtesy of ThinkStock

My Biggest Parenting Regret Is Something We’re All Guilty Of

Don’t regret making mistakes your kids can learn from

The other morning I looked at my dining room table, which had black marker dots all over it, and I promptly yelled at my 6-year-old.

“I told you that Sharpies may only be used at your art table. Now I’m taking the Sharpies away!”

“But I haven’t used any markers today,” she cried.

I glanced over at my 3-year-old, who had ink stains all over her hands.

“I’m sorry,” I said to my older daughter. “I was wrong. It wasn’t nice of me to blame you or yell at you. I should have asked you first.” I kissed her on the head and she smiled.

I don’t make of habit of trying to be wrong, but it happens pretty regularly, anyway. These days, when I do or say something I shouldn’t have, I try to make a point to apologize specifically for what I’ve done — and what I’ve found is that both of my daughters are saying sorry more often, too.

I read an article recently on Yahoo about moms and dads confessing their biggest parenting regrets, and I instantly shook my head. I spent my first few years as a mom regretting so much — not being more present in the small moments, not trying harder to get my firstborn daughter to drink milk from a cup instead of a bottle earlier on, not insisting she eat a healthier variety of foods, and not establishing stricter screen-time boundaries, for instance.

More recently, however, what I regret most are my regrets. I’m not sure why I ever thought it was going to be easy or intuitive or not a struggle as I navigated a baby for the first time. I put so much pressure on myself to create a picture-perfect childhood for a baby who wouldn’t remember any of it or care about most of it. The second time around, I’ve marveled at my children’s resiliency — and my own. We didn’t cease being simply because someone missed a nap, I didn’t create Pinterest-worthy cupcakes for a class celebration or we skipped going to story time at the library and stayed inside on a sunny day watching Dora instead.

It’s not as if ridding myself of parenting guilt has meant my kids eat frosting out of a can for breakfast or don’t shower nightly and I think that makes me a great parent. Depending on what and who you read, there are plenty of parents who delight in being bad moms and dads — almost like a midlife adolescent rebellion club in which the cool parents are members. I find that I’m just better now at putting my regrets in context and re-framing them as something other than regret. I don’t think my kids would be any better or worse today had I been more or less rigid with sleeping schedules, acted more charitably, or attended more museums and fewer McDonald’s. Not having regrets doesn’t mean I don’t try to be a better mom or learn from the error of my ways — it means I recognize our time is better spent looking forward instead of backwards.

What I know I will most lament as my kids continue getting older is not being the person I want them to become more regularly. I attempt to be kinder to strangers, not get so annoyed with other drivers, and generally practice the golden rule. I don’t always succeed, but when I can admit out loud more frequently what I could have done differently, and that I’m not always right, I can see them in some small way breathing a sigh of relief that no one is projecting expectations of total excellence on them, either.

I regret not realizing earlier on in parenting that my mistakes were just a sign that I’m human. It’s not as if I wouldn’t do anything differently, but what I once regretted is now among my proudest parenting accomplishments: showing my kids that I’m far from perfect, and perfect is hardly what I want from or expect of them, either.

Photo credit: Meredith Carroll

More from Meredith on Babble:

Follow Meredith on Twitter and check out her regular column on the op-ed page of The Denver Post at MeredithCarroll.com

Public Shaming Is No Way to Discipline Our Kids

Being a parent is hard. We all know it. We do our best to teach our kids right from wrong and give them some kind of solid foundation from which they can grow steadily into adulthood. So it can be upsetting when they make the wrong choices — and punishment is a tricky business. More and more people, including myself, are choosing not to spank because it’s not only physical assault but it’s demeaning and humiliating. So why then, are some of the same parents who opt not to spank choosing to humiliate their children in other ways?

I just don’t get the public punishment phenomenon that’s been sweeping the nation for the past several years. Sad kid on a corner wearing a sandwich board proclaiming his shameful shoplifting penchant, a photo posted on Facebook of a child holding a sign announcing the embarrassing misdeed, and in this era of technology, parents recording the shaming for a wider audience or uploading videos wherein they chastise their children that always seem to go viral. Jeannie Crutchfield, a single mom from Wyoming who learned her 14-year-old daughter daughter was skipping class took hi-tech action.

As ABC news reports, Crutchfield showed up at her daughter’s school and used her phone to record her daughter walking around school, seemingly in the act of leaving. Crutchfield kept recording as she confronted, taunted, and shamed her daughter all the way to class. Then she uploaded the video to Facebook with the caption, “This is what happens when my daughter Rickilee Durrant can’t act right at school … enjoy parents.”

While Crutchfield tells ABC News that since the video was posted online, her daughter’s school attendance has been steady, I still think parenting via public humiliation is shameful — not for the kid, but for the parent. I get that she’s a frustrated mom who felt like it was her last recourse but I have a solid No Humiliating My Child In Public policy. Ever. I am the adult. I am the calm in the storm of their life. Period. How is shaming my child in front of strangers going to teach them to respect themselves, or me, for that matter? Being a kid is hard and embarrassing enough without the people I trust most in the world jumping into the mix and causing the shame.

Image courtesy of ThinkStock

Halloween Night Is the Ultimate Parenting Test — Will You Pass?

Five years ago I put my son in glow-in-the-dark skeleton PJs and smiled at him. He had just become a master of sitting without assistance, and I was beyond proud. I took a photo of him and shared it with my friends under the guise of Halloween adorableness, but what I was really proclaiming was some Halloween parenting, “LOOK WHAT I DID!!!”

To be honest, Halloween continues to feel like the ultimate once-a-year show and tell of parenting.

Their Costume

What our kids wear probably doesn’t have a thing to do with you, unless you let little Sally or Sam walk door to door in something that shocks and awes. Too scary? Too racy? Too messy? Why on earth would your kid know about that show on cable — OMG DO YOU LET YOUR KID WATCH THAT SHOW?!!

But the perfect costume feels like a gold star for everyone. We did it, team!

The Candy

What you pass out on Halloween will be talked about. You know this. Do not mess this up. You don’t want to be known as the raisin house or the Sixlet house. Find your groove and own your style.

Your Kids

Truly the test of our parenting happens as we wait at the end of the sidewalk and send our brave Elsas and Spidermen towards the door of someone we probably don’t know. We watch as they ring the doorbell and we hold our breath. Will our children be kind, capable of appropriate banter, and appreciative of treats? Or will they forget what to say, blurt out something about how much Mommy can’t stand how the neighbor parks, grab double fistfulls of candy, and flee the scene without so much as a thank you? It can go either way.

If our kids are still on the young side, we can call out a helpful line prompt of, “Say ‘Trick or Treat,’” but if our kids are older, it is sacrosanct to communicate at this point.

We pray to the patron saint of Kit Kat bars and Almond Joys that our little guys won’t stray from the script, but we all prepare ourselves for the inevitable over-sharing that happens door to door.

Our kids have to possibly have charming banter with a person who a) might be a stranger, b) might be dressed up, and c) might be cooking an aromatic supper. There are so many things that can go wrong here! Kids are notorious blurters and say the darndest things. One time I was grocery shopping with my son and he recognized someone from his camp. He turned and loudly asked me, “Hey Mama! Is that the Mommy you don’t like?” As far as I know, I like all moms on the route we will be taking this Halloween, but what if my son needs to double check? It could happen. Trust me. It really could.

Sometimes our kids will be asked a question, “… and who are you supposed to be?”

I can get how this might be offensive to some kids, because, people, come ON! Isn’t it obvious?! But this is Halloween parenting banter 101 and there is about an 86 percent chance someone will look at your mad scientist and coo, “Are you a doctor?” This is a game grown-ups do. It’s ridiculous, but it happens. The best thing you can do to help everyone win here is PREPARE and drill. Announce in advance what your child will be — especially if it’s not mainstream. (Nice work on a non-mainstream costume, by the way!) If you’re enjoying the night out with several families, tell everyone there what your child is so he or she has a chorus of backup should the question arise out on the candy streets.

Next they have to pass the actual candy test. This is such a brutal test for young kids and a true “hold your breath” moment for some parents. Sometimes candy is selected for our kids and placed into their buckets or bags. Sometimes our kids are not fans of the candy that has been selected for them. Sometimes our kids are presented with a large bowl filled to the brim with candy and told, “Pick ONE.” Or worse, “Help yourself!” Have you ever watched a small child quiver with the pressure to pick their own candy? It’s torture. Heck, I can’t always be trusted to just pick one candy from a jar of treats. Be a friend: If you’re in charge of passing out treats, watch for candy panic and jump in with a Skittles rescue if you can.

After the candy challenge comes the ultimate and true test. This is where you win or lose as a parent. It’s all hinging on the moment right after the OMG CANDY exhilaration situation. It’s a nail biter. It can go either way, it usually does.

Did they say, “Thank you”?

OMG — did they? SO many kids, I can’t hear. You need to establish your cred on the street and you need to do it fast. Before your kids clear the sidewalk you give a firm reminder, “Did you say thank you?!!! SAY THANK YOU!”

The world pauses as a fireman, a robot, a minion, and a cowgirl all pivot and in perfect harmony sing, “Thank youuuuuu!”

Then we move on to the next house and start all over again.

Halloween night is like the Saturday my mom spent six hours making me parallel park the car. Practice, practice, practice.

Photo courtesy of Dresden Shumaker

Is Your “Age-Appropriate” Chore Chart Setting the Bar Too Low?

We’ve all seen the charts for age-appropriate chores floating around the Internet, like this one:

 via www.flandersfamily.info

 Now, keeping in mind that I’m 33 years old and I haven’t even done some of the things on this list (simple home repairs? wash car? I was raised in a city apartment, if that’s any excuse), I find this list very motivating.

In fact, why stop here? I can think of many more chores that I would like my kids to do for me do in order to instill critical life skills and a sense of responsibility. Let’s aim high, people. Disinfecting doorknobs, whatever that means, never got anyone into Harvard.

Here’s my revised version of the above list:

Age 1

(Why did that other chore chart only start at age 2? That’s a whole year of freeloading missed development!)

Ages 2-3

Ages 4-5

Ages 6-7

Ages 8-9

Ages 10-11

Ages 12-13

Ages 13

There you have it.  Stop hindering your children with sticking to chore charts that don’t tap into their nascent potential.  Dream big, Mama!

I Was a Reluctant Stay-at-Home Mom, but I Have No Regrets

In my early 20’s, my idea of a stay-at-home mom was someone who didn’t have anything else to do. I worked as a nanny for families where the mom worked out of the home, and I loved the dynamic of that. I vowed that when I had children, I would work. They would go to daycare or we’d hire a nanny until they were of school age.

In my second year of teaching, I became pregnant with our daughter. I began to look into options once she was born, even visiting several places and conducting a few interviews. What I found was my teaching salary would just barely cover the cost of an infant in childcare. Add in work clothes, gas, car maintenance, and extras that come up — I was left with actually paying more to work than to just stay at home. In addition, I suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum from start to finish throughout my pregnancy which made it extremely difficult to work. Eventually the decision was made for me. I’d stay at home for a while.

I had mixed feelings about this. Sure, I wasn’t going to get up exhausted every day and haul a cranky baby in the car while trying to deal with a classroom. On the other hand, the thought of being stuck at home in a small town wasn’t appealing to me either. I was bored, lonely, and I felt trapped.

About two months after she was born, I started a blog. It seemed everyone was at the time. I’d loved to write, and it was my outlet.

Over the past nearly 5 years of writing, my hobby that I had taken up out of boredom has now become my job. It’s taken me all over the world and allowed me to contribute to our family financially. I’ve built a group of friends that have walked and shared in my ups and downs.

Because of this, I’ve stayed at home and even started homeschooling our daughter. I have to admit though, there are times when this has been really hard. As she becomes older and more independent, my life starts to revolve less around her needs at home and more of her needs outside of our family structure. I have to be diligent about carving out time to work and for my own interests — as well as with her and my husband. My passion is also what helps pay the bills, and that means that it’s often difficult to know when to say no or take a break — I want to do it all.

I miss dressing up and having adult conversations over lunch, but at the same time I wouldn’t trade these years for any outside job. Staying at and working from home has presented it’s own challenges through the years, yet the realization we couldn’t afford daycare led to a life I would have never imagined. As a work from home mom I’m happy, challenged, busy, and fulfilled.

Diana blogs at Diana Wrote about her life with a daughter here and three sons in heaven, life as an army wife, and her faith. You can also find her work on Liberating Working Moms, She Reads Truth, Still Standing Magazine, The New York Times, and The Huffington Post, with smaller glimpses into her day on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.

10 Major Brands of Baby Wipes Have Been Recalled Due to Bacteria Risk

Check your diaper bag, because certain brands of baby wipes are being recalled nationwide due to possible bacterial contamination.

Nutek Disposables, Inc. launched the voluntary recall after numerous customer complaints of odor and discoloration.

It turns out that some of the wipes tested positive for a bacteria called Burkholderia cepacia, or B. cepacia, which poses little risk to healthy people but can be dangerous for those with weakened immune systems (particularly those with cystic fibrosis).

According to Nutek, customers have reported symptoms including rash, irritation, infections, fever, gastro-intestinal issues, and respiratory issues.

Yikes! But before you panic and go on a widespread baby wipe purge, here’s what you need to know:

Which brands have been recalled?

Cuties, Diapers.com, Femtex, Fred’s, Kidgets, Member’s Mark, Simply Right, Sunny Smiles, Tender Touch, and Well Beginnings.

Where were they sold?

Walgreens, Sam’s Club, Family Dollar, and online retailers such as Amazon.com and Diapers.com.

What should you do if you have questions?

Parents with questions can call Nutek at 1-855-646-4351, Monday through Friday from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Eastern time. And if you have any of the affected wipes in your house, you can return it to the place of purchase for a full refund.

It’s Ridiculous That Moms Aren’t Guaranteed to Sit with Their Kids on a Plane

It’s a situation no traveling family wants to face: You’re boarding an airplane with a child terrified of flying when it becomes evident that there are no empty seats left next to one another.

Your trembling little boy will have to fly without the comfort of your arm across his shoulders.

You might be shaking your head in disbelief right now. After all, even on the most crowded of flights, a solution could be found somehow, couldn’t it? Couldn’t just one compassionate passenger trade seats so that a parent and child could sit together?

That’s not what Kathryn Leehane says happened on a flight that the California mom took with her family. Leehane runs the humor blog Foxy Wine Pocket, but there was nothing funny about the piece she wrote for the website BluntMoms.com, recounting her recent experience on a packed airplane with unassigned seats.

“I looked around begging people with my eyes, but nobody budged,” Leehane wrote of her efforts to find a way to sit next to her frightened 8-year-old son Colin. “… They got there first. And they were comfortable. And apparently that was more important than helping a terrified child.”

Ultimately, a passenger did switch seats with Colin so that Colin and Leehane could at least sit across the aisle from each other, but the situation was still far from ideal. Leehane could only watch helplessly as her son would seize with fear at each unexpected movement of the plane.

In her piece, Leehane didn’t name the airline. I asked her why and she explained that she wanted “to focus on human behavior and compassion, not airline business practices. To focus on the responsibility we have as human beings to be kinder and gentler to each other.”

It’s a good focus to have and frankly, I’d like to call up every passenger on Leehane’s flight to find out exactly why they couldn’t help a mom out. Some of them, as Leehane herself noted, probably had valid excuses. I’m willing to bet that many did not—- especially when you consider that Leehane’s flight was just 90 minutes long. I hazard to say that most adults could distract themselves from an imperfect seating situation with a book, magazine, or even some Sudoku for that paltry length of time.

But since I couldn’t call each passenger, I did make my focus airline business practices. I wanted to find out if airline policies enable them to pick up the slack when human decency falls short. I got in touch with three airlines  — Allegiant, Southwest and Spirit — that don’t automatically assign seats upon booking, since assigned seats early in the game might have prevented Leehane’s unfortunate experience.

Allegiant had the simplest solution. The airline allows customers to reserve specific seats ahead of time for an extra fee, but even parents who opt not to do that are still offered a measure of protection. The airline’s policy is that children under the age of 14 are guaranteed to be seated with at least one adult on their reservation. So if you have an aviophobic 16-year-old, you might be out of luck, but hey, it’s something.

At Southwest Airlines and Spirit Airlines, things aren’t set in stone. Like Allegiant, Spirit does allow flyers to reserve seats ahead of time for a fee while Southwest passengers can’t reserve seats early but can pay a fee to check in extra early (36 hours ahead of time instead of 24) to be assured an earlier boarding time and better seat availability.

Not willing or can’t afford to cough up an extra fee? Then things get tricky. A Southwest spokeswoman wrote in an email that if parents with children are boarding late, “flight attendants are notified, if time allows, and make every effort to hold seats for those passengers.”

Notice the “if time allows” clause — in other words, there’s no guarantee.

Both Southwest and Spirit say they’ll offer an incentive for passengers to switch seats to accommodate a family. Southwest will offer a complimentary drink while a Spirit spokesman said that, in rare instances, the airline will even offer a travel voucher.

But the Spirit spokesman, Paul Berry, added that “the vast majority of the time, 95 to 100 percent of the time, customers understand the situation and are willing to make a move without incentivizing.”

Leehane’s flight apparently fell into that estimated 5 percent of cases where incentives would have come in handy. But Leehane told me that flight attendants on her flight offered no incentives at all. Assuming her account is accurate, no matter what airline she was on, clearly somebody wasn’t following company policy.

But the grim reality of air travel today is that airlines really aren’t willing to move mountains — or, in this case, passengers — to accommodate families.

“Most travelers book their tickets based on price, followed by schedule,” Associated Press airlines reporter Scott Mayerowitz, a former colleague of mine at ABC News, told me. “This is especially true for families traveling together. There is no loyalty to one airline over another and airlines know this and are not going to out of their way to please a once-a-year traveler.”

So what’s the worried parent of a nervous flyer to do? Mayerowitz compiled a list of tips for families seeking to fly together (without paying extra fees) here. You may want to check it out before your next flight. Otherwise, you could take a chance on the kindness of strangers … but don’t say you weren’t warned.

Image courtesy of ThinkStock

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How One Mom Will Feed Thousands This Thanksgiving…With Your Help

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A Bag of Cashews

Veteran Thomas Henry, Dr. Vivian Hayashi and Dr. Jade Yang

“I’m doing great,” said one patient as she entered the weekly Diabetes Shared Medical Appointment.  Dr. Marisa Wallace, a Diabetes Nurse Practitioner, responded, “Isn’t it amazing how much difference a change in medication can make?”  Later, Dr. Wallace explained that this short conversation was meaningful because it was a shared decision involving both patient and clinician to change a medication  that resulted in the patient now noticing a dramatic difference to her overall quality of life.  Enthusiastic  about this approach, Dr. Wallace said,  “Encouraging joint decision making in management of diabetes care is one important  way in which this shared medical appointment is helping our patients.”

Veteran Daryl Woods  was among about ten patients with diabetes who participated in a recent joint appointment.   He was surprised when the small bag  of cashews he brought-in for a snack at the session became the opening point of a discussion.  But there it was, with other patients expressing their views about whether nuts were good or bad for your health.  Nurse Practitioner Marisa Wallace jumped right in and said that while you have to worry about fat and calories, cashews are low in sugar  as are some other nuts such as walnuts and almonds and can make for a good snack.  So, in general, nuts are a great snack for patients with diabetes since they don’t raise the blood sugar much, but we have to be cautious we’re not adding too many calories into the diet. And, overall portion control is something everyone must keep in mind.

The Shared Medical Appointments (SMAs) are an innovative, interactive approach to healthcare that brings patients with common needs together with one or more healthcare providers. The Diabetes SMA at the Manhattan campus  is led by an interdisciplinary team that includes nursing, pharmacy, medicine, nutrition, and psychology.  

The  priority is responding to what patients want to know about improving the management of their diabetes, explained Dr. Wallace.  In addition to dietary issues, an ongoing matter of great concern is medications.  “Patients want to know about medications and how to manage them.” said Dr. Vivian Hayashi, a Primary Care Physician who helped to create the program and has been key in guiding its development since 2009.

On one recent Tuesday morning, Pharmacist Jade Yang joined Dr. Wallace in discussing new medications that patients hear about on television.  “Many patients have approached me recently with curiosity about new medicines that hit the market, recently commenting on a few new commercials they have seen promoting some of the newer diabetes medications,” said Dr. Wallace.   One new, vigorously promoted medication is  very expensive but not necessarily more effective nor has a long proven safety profile compared to some of the older antihyperglycemic oral agents.

In addition to a pharmacist, physician and specialist Diabetes nurse practitioner, the interdisciplinary team includes a Certified Diabetes Educator, a Registered Dietitian and behavioral health psychologists.  Following the group session, patients meet one-on-one with Dr. Hayashi, Dr. Wallace, Dr. Yang or with other specialists so that they can consult privately in greater depth about their target blood sugar and about adjusting their diabetes medications.

Elvis entertains Veterans and staff

Sandy Rice, program support assistant at the Milwaukee VA, dances with an Elvis impersonator during his performance inside the Recreation Hall on Oct. 9. – Photo by Antony Kamps

Viva Milwaukee VA!

The slicked back black hair, the long sideburns, and the white jumpsuit can only mean one thing -- Elvis was in the building.

Mike Bishop has performed as an Elvis Presley impersonator for close to 14 years. He looks and dresses the part for parties, schools and special events. He performed Oct. 9 inside the Recreation Hall for more than 50 Veterans and staff. Bishop said he does it for a good cause.

“If you ask my mother, I’ve been doing it for 25 years, but its closer to 14 years. Everything I earn I donate to Cysytic Fibrosis research and the Make-A-Wish Foundation.”

He donates the money because he had a nephew pass away at a young age from Cystic Fibrosis. He didn’t accept any money for his performance at the Milwaukee VA because he said he didn’t think it was appropriate.

“Sandy (Rice) asked me to perform, and I gladly accepted,” said Bishop. “I am very grateful to our Veterans for all they have done, and honored to perform for them today.”

Veterans and staff packed the Recreation Hall to watch Elvis perform many of his famous songs including “Don’t Be Cruel”, “Teddy Bear”, and “Fools Fall in Love.” As he performed, he interacted with the crowd by handing out scarfs to the audience. He would make sure to wipe a little sweat on the scarf before gently wrapping it around the lucky guest’s neck.

Jessica Serdynski, voluntary services specialist at the Milwaukee VA, is the lucky fan picked by the Elvis impersonator for a special song and dance. The Elvis impersonator performed for more than 50 Veterans and staff Oct. 9 inside the Recreation Hall. – Photo by Antony Kamps

Jessica Serdynski, voluntary services specialist at the Milwaukee VA, was one of the lucky scarf recipients. She also received a little more, as Elvis stole a kiss from her.

“That was very unexpected,” said Serdynski.

“Very wet and made my heart flutter,” she added sarcastically. “It was a real fun time for everyone, especially for the Veterans.”

Elvis continued to thrust his hips and dance around the hall, singing to the crowd. Elvis even coaxed one Veteran to stand up and dance with him during “Johnny B. Goode.” The older Veteran strummed his air guitar and twisted his hips to the beat of the music.

“That’s how you do an air guitar,” shouted Elvis. “This guy deserves a scarf, lord have mercy.”

He would allow audience members to sing portions of a song. Sandy Rice, program support assistant in the Mental Health department, got into the act, taking the mic and singing.

“Isn’t this so fun?” said Rice.

Elvis sang his final song of the event, but first spoke to the audience.

“Thank you, thank you very much,” said Elvis. “Thank you for giving me your time, I appreciate it. I dedicate this last song to all you Veterans.”

The final song was “American Trilogy,” one of the King’s best known songs. When he finished, he lowered his head and raised his hands in fitting Elvis style. The crowd cheered and applauded. He bowed and said thank you to everyone. He shook the hand of every audience member as they left, taking pictures upon request. Smiles on the faces of the Veterans were payment enough.

Then Elvis left the building.

Milwaukee VA train “Super Users”

Brian Grube (left), registered nurse at the Milwaukee VA, stabilizes the head of Robbyn Gaska, licensed practical nurse at Milwaukee VA, as she is lifted up on the hover jack. Dietzen played the role of patient during the training inside the Matousek Auditorium on Oct. 7 as Lindsay Dietzen, health technician at Milwaukee VA, stands by on the side to make sure she does not roll off. - Photo by Antony Kamps

The loud hum of an air compressor kicks on and less than 90 seconds later Robbyn Gaska is lifted four feet into the air by one of Milwaukee VA’s safe patient handling equipment; the hover jack. The future of safe patient handling is happening right now at the Milwaukee VA, and Judy Lee, safe patient handling facility coordinator at the Milwaukee VA, trains employees on an annual basis.

A group of front line staff, employees who directly work with patients, gather together for the annual. This group of more than 40 employees is called, “Super Users.”

The training, called Unit Peer Leader Day focuses on the use of patient handling equipment. The training educates employees on how to effectively use the equipment safely and efficiently. The equipment helps to create a safer environment for not only the employee, but the Veteran too.

“All of this is to help prevent injuries,” said Lee. “The “Super Users” teach and become role models to the rest of the staff, encouraging them to use the equipment.”

Every in-patient room has ceiling lifts, a requirement in VA for employees to use to safely move the patients. Lee said it is not uncommon for hospitals in the surrounding areas to come to the Milwaukee VA for training on the lifts.

“I was really excited about it,” Lee said. “It shows how advanced we are as a medical center.”

Carri Steinbrenner, physical therapist and unit peer leader at Milwaukee VA, teaches training classes two to three times a week. She said nurses used to complain about achy knees and backs, but the equipment has helped them.

“I’ve seen the benefits of doing the training,” Steinbrenner said. “The staff has made leaps and bounds learning the equipment. At first it was difficult to get the old school minded to change their ways, but once they saw the benefits they quickly changed their minds.”

There were five training stations for each employee to rotate through. The five stations were hover jack and hover mat, bed lift, Hoyer lift, ceiling lift, and sit to stand. Training at each station lasted around 45 minutes to an hour.  It included live training on the use of each device with one of the Unit Peer Leaders playing the part of the patient.

Randall Carter, safe patient handling coordinator at the Madison VA, led the hover mat and hover jack training. He explained to the group the step-by-step process of using the equipment. The hover jack is an inflatable bed that inflates to about four feet off the ground. The hover mat allows staff to easily move a patient from stretchers to a bed.

“In the past we would use the ‘1, 2, 3 … go’ method where we then pull the patient across,” said Carter. “Instead of using a jerking and pulling method we just slide them over, reducing the risk of back injury.”

According to Lee, the amount of employee injuries due to patient handling was as high as 78 in 2005. That number has been cut to less than 40 in this past year. Lee said the annual training is the reason for the reduction.

“You can really tell the VA is investing and cares about the safety of their workers,” said Lee.

Physical Therapy help Veterans get back on track

Rick Prawdzik (right), Air Force Veteran, starts to complete his final exercise for the day with John Kuhn, physical therapist at the Milwaukee VA. Prawdzik said he’s made great strides to be able to walk again because of the Milwaukee VA Physical Therapy department. - Phot by Antony Kamps

Rick Prawdzik, Air Force Veteran, woke up without the ability to walk more than two months ago. With hard work, determination and the help of the Physical Therapy department he can walk again and is scheduled to go home next week.

He is one of 70 patients seen on a daily basis by physical therapists at the Milwaukee VA. It’s the therapist’s job to guide them back to physical functionality.

“We often try to sit down with the Veteran and ask, ‘What’s important to you?’” said PT Lauren Elling.

The Physical Therapy department works with patients on an individual basis. The therapists develop a plan using treatment techniques to promote the ability to move, reduce pain, restore function, and prevent disability. In addition, PTs work with Veterans to prevent the loss of mobility before it occurs by developing fitness and wellness oriented programs for healthier and more active lifestyles.

Therapists spend 30 minutes to an hour with each patient, either individually or as a group. To help patients, the PT department does their best to pair Veterans up with the same therapist every time.

“We try to do this as much as possible because it helps build continuity and trust between patient and therapist,” said Katie Kalfas, supervisor of the In-Patient Physical Therapy department.

Prawdzik works with John Kuhn, physical therapist at the Milwaukee VA, on exercises for his legs. Kuhn and Prawdzik have worked together for a couple weeks now building the strength up in his legs. The goal is to walk again.

“Every exercise is tough,” said Prawdzik. “If I didn’t do any of this, I’d still be up stairs lying in bed.”

The therapist will collaborate with the Veteran, his physician, social worker and family on the course of action for their rehabilitation. Kalfas said it is not required for them to participate, even if a physician refers a patient to PT.

“We talk to the Veteran about why therapy is so important to their recovery,” said Kalfas.

The therapist will lay out a plan to the Veteran on what they need to do to speed up their discharge from the hospital. Prawdzik, Kuhn, and his social worker had a meeting to talk about his plan of action. They determined he needed one more week of PT.

“It was the right call,” Prawdzik said. “I live by myself, so once I leave, that’s it. I need to be able to do it on my own.”

“I tell them my goal is to get you home,” Elling added.

Many Veterans’ lifestyles have changed drastically based on the reasons for being admitted to the medical center including total joint replacements, strokes, falls, heart attack or general loss of strength.

“I try to just be mindful of what they’re going through,” said Kalfas.

Both Kalfas and Elling said working at the Milwaukee VA is different than in the private sector because of the Veterans.

“They are, for the most, part really positive and enthusiastic. They’ll come in here and shout, ‘Let’s do this!’” Kalfas said. “They’re always cheering each other to go further.”

Elling added: “Definitely the camaraderie between the Vets is awesome.”

Prawdzik said the physical therapists keep the atmosphere in the gym light, and it has helped motivate him to keep coming back.

“The jovial atmosphere makes it easy, even when the exercises are tough,” said Prawdzik.

Today’s exercises are on the tougher end as beads of sweat roll down Prawdzik’s forehead. He’s not going to stop until the exercise is done. He’s determined to go home and get back to his life.

“I want to get back to my grandkids,” said Prawdzik. “Being able to go home to play and hold them is what keeps me going.

“Just think, two months ago my kids were told I might not make it and here I am getting ready to go home,” said Prawdzik. “What better care can you ask for?”

VIST Displays Adaptive Equip for Visually Impaired

Frank Gaffney, Vice President, Blind Veterans Association for Shreveport, uses a portable electronic magnifier to read a document handed to him by Broderick Burks, Broderick Burks, Visual Impairment Service Team Coordinator, Overton Brooks VA Medical Center. “I can take this anywhere,” Gaffney said. “I can use it to check prices and prescriptions. I make use out of all of the equipment here.” The Overton Brooks VA Eye Clinic reaches out to Veterans with the help of Gaffney to inform them on the available and uses of adaptive equipment. (Photo by Joe Thomas)

Overton Brooks VA Medical Center’s Eye Clinic reached out to visually impaired Veterans by showcasing adaptive equipment in its main lobby Friday, Oct. 17.

“We (Overton Brooks VA Eye Clinic) treat visually impaired Veterans from low vision to total blindness,” Broderick Burks, Visual Impairment Service Team Coordinator, said.”  “If the veteran is dealing with vision loss related to an eye disease such as age related macular degeneration, glaucoma, cataracts, diabetic retinopathy, or trauma to the eye, they are eligible for VIST services”.

Showcased equipment included magnifying TV glasses, portable hand-held magnifiers, portable scanners, and closed circuit televisions (CCTV) to name a few.

“This is a great piece of equipment (CCTV),” Frank Gaffney, Vice President, Blind Veterans Association for Shreveport, said, “It increases the size of print so I can continue to read my mail and books”. I use this in my workshop.  All of this equipment helps Veterans live more productive lives. Many people who become blind seem to think that they’re lives over, but that’s not true.”

Gaffney, an Army Veteran, represents visually impaired Veterans in numerous organizations to include the Randolph Shepard Program and the Louisiana Council of the blind. Gaffney and his spouse operate several vending machines at the U.S. Post Office, the Caddo Parish Courthouse, and Bossier Parish Courthouse to name a few.

“Veterans use the adaptive equipment to remain as independent as possible,” Burks said. “I have blind veterans that can no longer read their mail, watch television, use a computer, or even tell time”. The adaptive equipment we prescribe improves the quality of life for the veteran and allows them to be as independent as possible.

Burks also displayed a scrip talk reader, which reads the prescription label to include the prescription number, dosage amount, name of the medication, and the physician who prescribed it.

“I train Veterans on how to use this equipment as well as how to maintain it,” Burks said. “We even have computer screen reading software that will read an email or internet page to the veteran if he is unable to read the computer screen”.

For Veterans struggling to adjust to severe vision loss, the Biloxi Blind Rehabilitation Center in Biloxi, Mississippi offers an extensive training program so the veteran can learn how to live productive lives as they adjust to blindness. 

“And you don’t have to go just once,” Gaffney said. “They train you there on how to use various pieces of equipment. Many people who go there think that they’re hopeless, but they’re not. I use all of this equipment, it’s all pretty versatile. I’ll take my portable magnifier to the store with me and read the price tags; I use the CCTV at home to read my mail and books. It’s not one fits all. Sometimes I have to carry around four different pairs of sunglasses as my eyes adjust from going inside to outside. 

Veterans came by the booth to try out magnifying glasses, the CCTV, and the portable magnifiers. Burks answered questions as they looked. Gaffney explained to Veterans how he uses the portable magnifier to read menus and price tags. The magnifier can snap pictures of what I am looking at and I use the view finder to enlarge or “magnify” the image.

The VIST Coordinator is responsible for managing services for Veterans with severe vision impairments. This includes identifying Veterans who have severe sight impairments, providing counseling, and problem-solving advice, reviewing VA benefits and services, training on adaptive equipment, coordinating learning and outreach programs for visually impaired Veterans, according to VIST literature.

For more information about the program, call Broderick Burks, VIST Coordinator, at 318-990-4839.

I’m Letting Go of the Mom I’m Not

I am not a Pinterest Mom. You know the type … the kind who makes her kids adorable, healthy bento-box lunches and creative dinners and does cool crafts and fun projects that involve paint and glitter. I’m the PB&J and a couple of carrot sticks, let’s-use-washable-crayons-with-that-coloring-book type of mom.

I used to feel kind of bad about it and get hung up on all the things I suck at and the things I don’t do. I used to look longingly at the other moms who seemed to have their ish together through the screen of my iPhone or across the aisles at the grocery store and wish that I could be awesome at motherhood in the ways that they were.

But, lately I’ve been taking the wise words of my friend Queen Elsa of Arendelle to heart and “letting it go.” (Yes. I totally have a Frozen obsessed daughter.) I’m letting go of the mom I’m not, and embracing the mom that I am.

I am a cozy-up-on-the-couch-and-snuggle-while-watching-cartoons kind of mom. I am a singing-show-tunes-and-dancing-in-the-kitchen kind of mom. I am a says-I-love-you-80-times-a-day kind of mom. I am a put-cute-outfits-together and hair-doing kind of mom. I am a document-with-9,000-pictures kind of mom. I am a little traditions kind of mom. I am a sometimes-lets-my-kid have-dessert-instead-of-dinner kind of mom. I am a tidies-up-your toys-so-you-can-always-find-them kind of mom. I am a prayers-before-bedtime kind of mom. I am an always-has-just-what-you-need-in-my-purse kind of mom. I am a let’s-skip-nap-time-in-favor-of-something-more-fun kind of mom. I am a pretty patient, talk-it-out kind of mom. I’m also an imperfect-sometimes-snaps-but-always-says-I’m-sorry kind of mom.

I’m realizing that even though I’m not a perfect mom (and never will be), I am the perfect mom for my kids … just like you are the perfect mom for yours. So let go of the mom you’re not and embrace the mom you are … because that mom is a pretty great one.

Lauren Hartmann is the founder of The Little Things We Do, a blog about life and adventures in Portland, Oregon. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram or catch up on all of her posts here on Babble.

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No Coloring Books for My Kids, Thank You Very Much

As a little girl, I loved admiring the pages of a brand new coloring book. Perhaps the only thing better was a box of new crayons, their tips untarnished by an interaction with paper. Each color possessed a promise and a chance to help create something exceptional that was refrigerator-, bedroom wall- or parent’s desk-worthy.

Each time I received a coloring book I flipped through the pages and imagined one day finishing it in its entirety — coloring every single page leaving me with a beautiful book, even prettier than the ones I circled in preparation for the Scholastic Book Fair. Yes, it would be that good.

Only it never happened that way. No matter what technique I tried, my coloring was never quite good enough, at least in my eyes. Whether it was coloring softly or outlining the images with a crayon, then coloring them in, I often gave up after accidently coloring outside the lines, finding my redemption in a new coloring book and a chance to start over.

For some reason, I was already striving for perfection – limiting myself to create in the context of the image that filled the pages in front of me.

Afternoons were spent coloring alongside my mother, often resulting in me ooh and ahhing over her beautifully colored images and tearing mine out of the book not to display, but to tuck away or toss. My mother always told me I was doing a wonderful job but little did I know it was my coloring skills that reminded her of how awesome it was to be my mom. When I flip back through my life story gazing at the images that make up my childhood I see glimpses of my parents marveling at my creations, not those stuck in the binding of a book, but the ones on paper. Blank paper (or notebook paper).

Years later and I still love opening up a box of new crayons, but more than that I love the endless possibilities that are before me and my kids because for the most part we’ve decided to ditch the coloring books. I realized that I will treasure a book of scribbles just as much, if not more than my once construed notion of perfection.

And while we do still have a few coloring books in our house, we also have a stack of crisp white paper and if we run out, my oldest raids the computer printer. I see them reaching for and requesting a piece of paper time and time again. The coloring books, not so much.

I’ve found that I’m also more likely to hand over a blank sheet of paper and a jar of crayons or colored pencils — even pens or water colors. Sometimes we take out glue sticks or washi tape or stickers but they choose how to use them. The notes section of church programs, the backs of flyers and even Post-Its are clean slates and thus, the new keepers of promise; a box of art supplies is a vehicle for the imagination to travel as far as it possibly can.

I find joy in seeing them create even if it means me cleaning crayon (thanks to my littlest) off the table later or peeling a sticker off my foot or the furniture. I find joy in seeing that something as simple as a blank piece of paper can be as fascinating as a new toy.

When my oldest was in daycare, the school that she went to didn’t give the kids coloring pages or do craft projects using precut pieces that the kids were to assemble after listening to a specific how to. Unlike elementary school, there were no instructions to follow. They just created. Now her baby sister goes there and for the most part they are still doing art the same way letting the artist decide what their masterpiece will look like.

To this day I have a box filled with her artwork. As for some of her creations, I wouldn’t have the slightest idea what they are if not for the quotes her teachers wrote on the page. When she created them she knew and that’s what mattered. Those pictures remind me of the way children run wild and free … when we let them and their imaginations take them to the most magical places.

They symbolize the innate ability children have to simply create.

I’d like to think that this form of artistic expression plants a seed for thinking outside of the box and allowing your heart and mind to guide you rather than lines or a template. It embodies the freedom that childhood should be rooted in. A freedom to color and paint and draw in a way that speaks to you.

To be YOU.

A freedom that we somehow forfeit as we grow older.

“I made that,” says my toddler as we admire the artwork that adorns the hallway on the way to her classroom.

“Look what I made,” says my tween, holding up a drawing she made when she was done with homework.

“You made that?” I always ask them.  I love to watch their face light up as they assure me that they did. I always tell them how much I love it but I almost always ask them if they love it. Because in the end that’s what matters.

It’s a gift to be able to create something that speaks to your heart and an added bonus when you learn that it speaks to someone else’s too.

By the time elementary school rolls around, many of our kids will be told how to do art. We parents will walk into the classroom and see 20+ tissue paper trees or hand print turkeys and if not for their name written in black marker on the bottom we wouldn’t have the slightest clue our kid made them.

One year, my daughter’s teacher drew a portion of her drawing in an effort to make it better. I don’t think she realized the message she was sending. In my daughter’s eyes, it was good until her teacher saw the need to make it better. For a period of time she would tear up her drawings declaring that she messed up and want to start over as she had gotten caught into thinking that her picture had to look a certain way to be beautiful but it didn’t. It just needed to be hers.

The day may come for many of our children when they will spend their school days and later in adulthood the hours 9 – 5 coloring and thinking inside the lines.

So when possible let them venture beyond them. And if they need lines, let them create their own.

I’m no Martha that’s for sure, but I still like a good craft kit or how to. That said, what I like most is seeing what happens when I give my girls a set of tools and forgo handing them a blueprint.

7 Reasons Halloween Is Way Better as New Parents

I loved Halloween as a kid. I loved the process of picking out my costume and seeing the inventive ways my mom would craft it together. I loved the crispness in the air, the excitement of roaming around the neighborhood past dark, THE CANDY.

But like most things in life, Halloween changed sometime in the high school years. Suddenly the costumes were less about how creative you were, and more about how you looked wearing them. Vandalism was casually thrown around (Mischief Night!) and the social pressures of Halloween parties felt suffocating. This lasted through college, of course, and the holiday’s original draw felt completely lost.

Until I had a kid of my own.

Suddenly I saw a new side to Halloween. Sure, we could harp on people potentially poisoning our children via candy and all of the fear-based reasons to be scared of Halloween, but that’s not the part I see. I happen to think Halloween is better as a parent than it ever was as a kid, and I’ll tell you why …

1. The cute costumes

There are few things sweeter than seeing your child’s reaction after he looks in the mirror, dressed up from head to toe, totally transformed. And when they’re still little enough to go along with whatever we suggest, the options are endless. We could be nostalgic, creative, hilarious, even slightly inappropriate. It’s like dressing up our own real-life dolls! Sure, you could load yourself up with guilt for not making your kid’s costume, or you can stress about finding a costume at the last minute … if you choose. But I happen to think that picking out miniature costumes is way more fun than coming up with my own get-up, no matter how and where it was made. (And that scarecrow costume! It’s singed into my heart forever.)

2. None of the work

We’re not the ones ringing doorbells, begging for treats. That bucket of candy that’s getting heavier with each passing street? All you, kid. And when Halloween falls on a rainy or ::gulp:: snowy day (as it has here in New York) we get to stay toasty and dry in the car while the kids run door to door.

3. All of the treats

And yet when those little monsters and goblins (or Ninja Turtles, as it may turn out) are tucked into bed, that candy is OURS. We’re strategic about what we do and don’t take, of course, but don’t think for a second that parents aren’t dipping into the stash. We’re doing them a favor. All of that sugar is terrible for their bodies (she thinks while stuffing a mini Kit-Kat into her mouth).

4. No heavy, itchy, uncomfortable costumes

That Lorax costume was HEAVY and warm, as New York Octobers require. We send our kids out in bulky layers and uncomfortable masks, weighed down by fur or fabric or costume props. I remember being a kid, having sequin bee antennas flapping into my eyes as I walked from house to house. Parents, on the other hand, have the luxury of watching the kids fumble and stumble over their costumes from a distance.

5. No more sexy costumes to squeeze into

Rather than worrying about our bare midriffs or super-short skirts (as we did) we’re dressing up babies to look like little old men. On my first Halloween as a new mom, I was 23 years old. My Facebook feed was splashed with frat party photos and lace-up corsets and spandex animal costumes — while I spent my night with a cuddly little animal baby. It was nice to bring some innocence back to a sexed-up holiday. It was nice to remember why this holiday was fun to begin with.

6. Experiencing it through their eyes

“Wait a minute, you mean I get to DRESS UP in a costume? And go outside in it? AND THE WORLD GIVES ME CANDY?!” The novelty of Halloween is pretty extraordinary to see through fresh, is-this-really-happening, best-day-of-my-life eyes. It’s unhinged joy, bursting from their tiny bodies, settling into our grown-up bones and awakening a dormant child-like wonder that still lives somewhere inside of us, forgotten.

But when we can see it through our kid’s eyes, we remember.

7. A chance to be a kid again

We get to be SILLY and goofy in whatever ways we want. We can deck out the house in spooky lights and cobwebs (because it’s OUR HOUSE now). We can design our own pumpkin carvings and do fun family-matching costumes in ways our parents never did. The little kids in us can come out to play, except this time we’re in control.

And suddenly Halloween is better than it ever was.