If you’re a parent with a Twitter account, chances are you tweet about your kids — and often. Some of the things we’ve seen (the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly) are just begging to be shared, and who the time for more than 140 characters, anyway? Not us. So here you go — the funniest tweets from __parents on Twitter this week. #YoureWelcome
1. It’ll save a lot of uneaten scrambled eggs.
Making breakfast for a child:
Step 1: take order.
Step 2: make whatever you want because they're going to hate it & you'll end up eating it.— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) March 29, 2017
2. She gets us.
"Do you want to hide the chocolate in your purse?" – This cashier is obviously a mom.
— Deva Dalporto (@mylifesuckers) March 30, 2017
3. Instagram, can you get on this please?
Instagram needs to come out with a filter for __parents that removes the bags under our eyes & the laundry in the background.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 30, 2017
4. Accurate depiction of life with kids.
friend: What's the best thing about having kids?
me *fending off my toddler who keeps trying to bite me* Did you say something?— Josh (@iwearaonesie) March 30, 2017
5. Yum …
Same kid who won't try anything new wrapped string cheese around a black jellybean and declared it delicious.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) March 31, 2017
6. And our goals are getting harder to achieve.
[Bucket Lists]
2003:
1. Visit Rome
2. Go skydiving
3. Run marathon2017:
1. Eat sitting down
2. Wake up naturally
3. Finish painting foyer— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 26, 2017
7. This should end well.
7: There's a monster under my bed!
Me: Aw, Little Man no there isn't. He's in the attic. So you can see him as he comes through the ceiling.— Mehs Well w/ Others (@TheAlexNevil) March 30, 2017
8. Take that, life.
When life closes a door on you, open it again and slam it really hard like my son when I send him to his room.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) March 30, 2017
9. Props to her for ingenuity.
On the topic of women entrepreneurs, my 9YO niece got caught selling homemade slime to kids on the school bus.
— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) March 30, 2017
10. Maturity is overrated.
I make a lot of important decisions for someone who uses the cat to reenact that scene from the Lion King at least 10 times a day.
— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) March 30, 2017
11. Close call.
Me: "You can't wear those jeans three days in a row."
9: "I'm not."
Me: "Or four."
9: "Fine."— Jan Moyer (@moyermama) March 31, 2017
12. Sleep trumps everything.
Me: Spending time with my kids is my favorite thing to do.
Narrator: But actually sleeping was his favorite thing to do.
— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) March 29, 2017
13. We’re not picking up that book.
"Things That Go 'Mommy!' In The Night: A Collection of Horror Stories"
— Mommy, a real person (@MommyIsAPerson) March 31, 2017
14. Fingers crossed for you.
Kid: [Displays moderately polite and/or mature behavior]
Me: [Praises kid like she just cured cancer in the hopes she'll repeat it]— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 31, 2017
15. Godspeed.
You are brave.
You are resilient.
You have been through worse.(Things I tell myself before going to Target with my kids.)
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) March 29, 2017