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Like most moms these days, I’m either picking up toys after my tot or looking for new ones that will foster his development. It’s so hard not to hyper-focus on the best kinds of toys on the market, given the vast amount of educational playthings out there. Especially when society places such an emphasis on your child’s development.
It’s actually ridiculous that I’m considering any new toys at all. At 17-months-old, Ben already has his favorites. And, you might just be surprised to learn what they are.
First, there’s the bread drawer, which he enjoys opening and closing (again, and again). Then, a slice of bread (Wow! You can really rip this up into a bazillion pieces!). The bottom kitchen cabinet holding all of our water bottles is a new favorite, and he just loves climbing over the bagged comforter that’s lying on the floor of our bedroom (which I have yet to open). Then there’s the TV remote control, door hinges (he’ll play with every one he meets), and the childproof cabinet latches (the irony!). Oh, and let’s not forget socks — he’ll hold them in each hand while doing laps (occasionally nibbling on one).
Just recently, I realized that I need to quit obsessing about actual toys and just let him have at the bread drawer.
These days, there’s a lot of pressure on parents. We are inundated with websites, newsletters, apps, and many articles and books to track our child’s every move and milestone. While it’s good to watch out for signs of delays, sometimes it gets to be too much. I attend weekly music classes with Ben, and the teacher is so quick to point out which skills are being learned. She’s feeding __parents what she thinks they want to hear because, you know … God forbid children can just be allowed to enjoy themselves.
I’ll admit, I definitely stress more about development than I should. My oldest child had serious delays and as a result, I know far too much about what kids should be doing and when. That’s why my instinct is always to buy “smart toys.”
For perspective, I reached out to child development and behavior expert Betsy Brown Braun, author of You’re Not The Boss of Me.
“It’s not the toys or classes that put the child in the position of growing well and happily,” she explains. “It is __parents who spend time with their kids, pay attention to them, and provide what interests and excites them — just not too much of it.”
Braun went on to describe kids these days as “living in mini Toys ‘R’ Us stores,” which can undermine their use of toys and creativity. She notes that “Children who own less figure out what more to do with it. Over-abundance breeds inattention and lack of focus. It’s kind of like an inability to see an individual tree in a thick forest.”
So, there I had it: official permission to stop worrying about which toys to get for my boy. Still, I wanted to know if and how the bread drawer could be good for him.
Braun had lots to say on that. “Children strive to do what their parents do — they are working on growing up,” she says.
“The most popular center in a nursery school is inevitably the housekeeping corner where children can bake and cook, set the table, and iron the clothes. Their play copies what the adults do at home,” she continues.
Braun also listed several notable benefits of children playing with objects that are not actual playthings (assuming they’re safe):
They boost children’s confidence and sense of independence.
Unlike toys that shake, rattle, and buzz, the bread drawer (or a pair of socks) has no definitive “right” way to be used. “Engaging with objects makes a child feel big and powerful, and feeds his sense of self reliance,” says Braun. “He’s doing his thing, without parental direction or instruction. What a satisfying feeling!”
They work kids’ gross motor skills.
“A child’s large muscles are put into use when lifting heavier objects out of drawers, climbing into the cabinet under the sink, or just crawling over a mound of pillows,” says Braun.
They work their fine-motor skills, too.
Small muscles can be developed in so many ways, adds Braun. “Take the kitchen, where a child can open and close containers, fit tops onto bowls, and fit one bowl into each other — just like the nesting cups they sell.”
They help tots explore object permanence.
That’s expert-speak for the understanding that objects continue to exist even when they can’t be seen, heard, touched, or otherwise sensed. It’s why babies get such a kick out of peek-a-boo, along with opening and closing cabinets — not to mention, the satisfying “whoosh!” or “whack!” they make when closed.
There are even more benefits to playing with non-toys!
“A child’s imaginative play is expanded when he explores objects in his own way,” says Braun. “He can work on language development as he narrates what he’s doing or includes another tot in play. [He increases] his frustration tolerance when, say, a kitchen utensil doesn’t fit or work to his expectation. And [he improves] his resourcefulness as he learns to use one item for an unintended purpose — like the plastic measuring cup as a drinking cup.”
Our bread drawer is sturdy and has, so far, withstood Ben’s fascination with it. And now that I’ve been reassured about its validity, I’m cool with letting him open and shut the heck out of it. (Plus, it has a slow close so his fingers can’t get caught.)
Really, this is the secret to parenthood in general, isn’t it? Relax. Let go. Think outside the (toy) box. Our children will turn out OK.