If you’re a parent with a Twitter account, chances are you tweet about your kids — and often. Some of the things we’ve seen (the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly) are just begging to be shared, and who the time for more than 140 characters, anyway? Not us. So here you go — the funniest tweets from __parents on Twitter this week. #YoureWelcome
1. It’s important to have an exit strategy.
4-year-old: What should I do if there's a bear?
Me: Get me.
4: What will you do?
Me: Get Mom.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 16, 2017
2. No pants, no problems.
Moms are like uggggh the kids are home all day bc it's spring break & I'm like girlfriends we don't need to put on real pants for 10 days.
— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) March 16, 2017
3. Lucky you.
Without kids I would have never known the joy of cleaning a spilled bottle of glue out of a backpack at 6 AM.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 15, 2017
4. Guilt. It works every time.
5: Dad, you busy?
Me: Ya
5: Real busy?
Me: Ya
5: Too busy to talk to your daughter?
Me: Never. What's up?
5: Can you buy me some ice cream?— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) March 16, 2017
5. AKA heaven.
Instead of gold at the end of a rainbow, moms will find a nap, a maid and someone to listen to their kids talk about video games all day.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) March 17, 2017
6. Barbies can get so out of hand.
Motherhood is finding your face towel on the floor because some little person used it to clean up a rager in the Barbie dream pool.
— Experienced Bad Mom (@ExperBadMom) March 15, 2017
7. Fact.
Nobody is hungrier than a child who's just been told it's time for bed.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 15, 2017
8. The incompetence of some people …
Me: Find your shoes and put them on or we'll be late again.
Kids: [looking literally nowhere] WE LOOKED EVERYWHERE CAN YOU HELP US?
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) March 15, 2017
9. Close, but no cigar.
My kid thinks the "Cleanup Song," is what he sings to entertain us while we pick up his toys.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) March 15, 2017
10. It haunts us, too.
I live in fear of the day my kid asks "where's all my other drawings?"
— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) March 14, 2017
11. So over snow days.
Me: I can't wait to spend time with my kids. I love them so much.
God: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha Watch this.
*creates blizzard*
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) March 15, 2017
12. Hungry, are you?
"Dad, your belly is the best pillow but sometimes it is really loud."
— John Kinnear (@askdadblog) March 16, 2017
13. Typical.
Kids, we can go to the pet expo BUT WE ARE NOT GETTING ANY ANIMALS. WE ALREADY HAVE A DOG
*leaves with two lizards, a fish & a baby giraffe
— stabbatha christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) March 12, 2017
14. NOT the same thing.
6: this juice box says you need to serve it to me
Me: uh…
Her: (reading box) "remove straw and serve child."
Me: serve CHILLED.
— Michele (@EmVeeGreen) March 16, 2017
15. We vote happiness.
When I leave the house, I now have to decide, do I want to run into someone I know when I'm not wearing real pants, or do I want to be happy
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) March 13, 2017