If you’re a parent with a Twitter account, chances are you tweet about your kids — and often. Some of the things we’ve seen (the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly) are just begging to be shared, and who the time for more than 140 characters, anyway? Not us. So here you go — the funniest tweets from __parents on Twitter this week. #YoureWelcome
1. There’s nothing more terrifying than a veggie.
Honestly I think my 5yo would have a less terrified reaction to Stephen King's 'It' than she does to a sliver of bell pepper in her dinner.
— Ashley Austrew (@ashleyaustrew) February 28, 2017
2. No. No it isn’t.
Is it really "date night" if you don't get annoyed at each other for repeatedly mentioning the kids & then have an argument about money?
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) February 26, 2017
3. That’s one way to make them listen!
7: I don't wanna wash my face.
Me: It's ok. I lick your face clean when you sleep anyway.
7: *uses entire bar of soap and all the hot water*— Mama Needs a Nap (@MamaNeedsa_Nap) February 23, 2017
4. Good boy.
My son was pretending to serve me tea, and then he changed it to wine, and added pie. It's just really nice to be understood.
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) February 26, 2017
5. Probably.
I used to sing my daughter to sleep at night, which is probably why her first word was “Stop.”
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) February 27, 2017
6. There should really be a sign or something.
What do you mean, this netted area for bouncy balls isn't the store's childcare drop-off?
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) March 1, 2017
7. 100%.
Adulting means saying "No more junk food" to your kids and then making yourself an entire tray of pizza rolls after they go to bed.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) January 15, 2017
8. We respect that.
I'll clean my house when the last kid has moved out.
— Sara (@sara_ashlynn) March 1, 2017
9. Jeez, Mom.
Have the confidence of my son, who when asked to flush the toilet said, "BUT MOMMA, IT'S MY HALF DAY FROM SCHOOL, I'M RELAXING TODAY!"
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) March 2, 2017
10. The mark of adulthood.
As I've grown up, I think I have begun to understand Charlie Brown's teacher's language.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) February 28, 2017
11. We deem this excuse: valid.
I don't know why people don't believe "My dog ate my homework." My kid's math sheet has so much peanut butter on it, even I took a nibble.
— Amy Flory (@FunnyIsFamily) March 3, 2017
12. Whining is always the best strategy in their book.
"But have you tried whining about it?"
-Kids
— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) February 26, 2017
13. Works every time.
My parenting backup plan is to keep handing out snacks.
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) March 2, 2017
14. When your kid still hasn’t mastered that skill yet …
All these kids doing soccer and piano, and I'm over here like, "where do I find a beginning zipper class?"
— Missy (@MamaFizzles) March 2, 2017
15. It’s just not worth it.
If I could change one thing about my parenting I'd go back and never let my kids find out socks exist.
— Sweatpants Cher (@House_Feminist) March 2, 2017