“She is bubbly and fun and loud.” That’s how Kimberly Shappley of Pearland, TX describes her 5-year-old daughter Kai, in a video for Equality Texas. She also says Kai is “beautiful and smart and everyone who meets her just falls in love with her.” Unfortunately, despite her sweet face and fun personality, Kai will likely face judgment throughout her life, for she is transgender — born anatomically male — and is growing up in a conservative Christian community.
Kimberly tells Huffington Post that she grew up believing that those who are LGBTQ choose their lifestyle. However, Kimberly credits her daughter for changing her mind and her heart. She says having a transgender child has made her into an even better Christian. She is now more compassionate, empathetic, and less judgmental. And she has this to say to her fellow Christians:
“For my brothers and sisters in Christ: To continue to make me out to be something less than a follower of Jesus Christ because my child was born transgender, because I’m standing up for my child — it’s not okay. Our God is a God of love and grace and mercy,” she says in the Equality Texas video. “My kid is 5 years old and she is committing no sin by being her authentic self, and I am committing no sin as her mother in helping her turn into everything that she was designed to be.”
Kimberly recalls realizing that Kai (whose birth name was Joseph) was different even before Kai turned 2. Kimberly tried keeping traditional girl toys and clothes away from Kai and cutting her hair short, but she fought relentlessly. Finally when she overheard Kai praying to God to “let Joseph go to heaven,” Kimberly knew it was time to let her child be who she truly was.
She admits that the process was not easy for her and that the decision to let Kai transition was spread out over months. A pivotal moment came when she spoke to a child psychiatrist who asked her, “If you and Kai were alone on a deserted island, would you let Kai wear ‘girl clothes’?” When Kimberly responded that she probably would, the psychiatrist told her that it wasn’t God she had a problem with, but what other people would think of her.
Kimberly says the impetus for coming out now and making Kai’s story more public is the fact that she started kindergarten this year and knew it was time to start actively advocating for Kai’s rights. “Do we as a state really want to force her into a men’s bathroom?” she asks. “We are targeting innocent, little kids for political gain.” Kimberly adds that she originally intended to handle this quietly, but knowing that Kai would be prohibited from using the girl’s bathroom meant she had to speak up.
Like many LGBTQ families, Kimberly and Kai received a ray of hope when former President Obama issued a directive last year that stated transgender students could use the bathroom that matches their gender identity. Kai’s school district, however, refused to follow this directive. School superintendent Dr. John Kelly and Texas Lt. Governor Dan Patrick told schools to ignore the new policy. Dr. Kelly went so far as to call the policy “unconstitutional interference” and added, “What’s next? Legalizing pedophilia and polygamy? Unless we return to the Biblical basis on which our nation’s laws were established, we are in serious trouble — and cannot expect God’s continued favor.”
Other Texas politicians have echoed this sentiment, saying that President Obama’s mandate would risk the safety of students. U.S. Representative Brian Babin of Texas stated, “Unfortunately, President Obama has chosen to set aside not only common sense, but also common decency, which violates the privacy and modesty of every child in America.” Similarly, State Representative Wayne Smith was quoted, “I sincerely worry that unsavory individuals will use such ordinances as a gateway to cause harm to others.”
The problem with these politicians’ statements is that by forcing all students to use the bathroom that corresponds with their anatomy, it’s transgender kids who are in danger. It’s transgender kids who are having their rights violated. School should be a place where all students are protected, and in those like Kai’s, they are not. Kimberly is scared for her daughter and for all transgender children. “There are a lot of families who are still in hiding,” she says.
Kimberly admits that the future looks less optimistic now that Donald Trump has rescinded former President Obama’s mandate. She also admits that she has considered leaving her conservative community and relocating somewhere more accepting of the LGBTQ community. But she says hiding or running away means they win. So for now, she and Kai are staying put. They still go to church even if others glare at her. They will continue to practice love and acceptance. And they’re not hiding ever again.
h/t: Huffington Post