If you’re a parent with a Twitter account, chances are you tweet about your kids — and often. Some of the things we’ve seen (the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly) are just begging to be shared, and who the time for more than 140 characters, anyway? Not us. So here you go — the funniest tweets from __parents on Twitter this week. #YoureWelcome
1. Wishing them all the best.
I love my kids, so it's really too bad that one of them ate my last Cadbury Egg and now has to find a new home.
— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) February 22, 2017
2. At least you speak the same language.
My toddler asking me for help is like when I ask my husband for help but I really just want him to do it.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) February 23, 2017
3. The dinnertime struggle is real.
Dinner & a show at my house is 4 singing "It's a Hard Knock Life" because she hates what I've prepared.
— Stacey Sordahl (@DrunkAtThePTA) February 21, 2017
4. Parenthood is definitely not for the weak …
Reasons my 5 year old is mad at me:
I said she couldn’t sleep with rocks and a dental mirror.
— Court (@Discourt) February 24, 2017
5. My, how things have changed.
Before kids: Oh gross, poop, disgusting, can't even look at it!
After kids: Yes! None of it got in my mouth that time!#parenthood— Son Tran (@Soncomedy) February 21, 2017
6. That’s what really counts.
I may not know about parenting, but I know which Instagram filter makes each of my kids look their best.
— Dragging Feeties (@DraggingFeeties) February 24, 2017
7. It’s an acquired skill.
Parenting is really just about not dropping your kid while scrolling your phone.
— Sean Lowe (@SeanLowe09) February 24, 2017
8. So many mind games.
What's it like raising a 3 year old?
Imagine a dinner guest who won't eat anything except the outside of peanuts just to screw with you.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) February 21, 2017
9. Honestly, this kid’s on to something.
4-year-old: I don't want kids. Just dogs.
Me: Why?
4: So I don't have to share my chocolate.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 24, 2017
10. Is that how non-parents live?
I wonder what it's like to live in a house that's not one giant junk drawer.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) February 16, 2017
11. Gotcha!
"Goodnight, sweetie," I whispered to my sleeping children, "I put avocado in the pesto and you didn't even notice. Sleep well."
— Jan Moyer (@moyermama) February 24, 2017
12. The real reason we want our kids to go to bed early.
There is nothing in this life that I need more than for my kids to go to sleep so I can eat ice cream for dinner.
— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) February 23, 2017
13. It’s always a toss-up.
Those moments when it's hard to tell if an intensely staring two-year-old is smitten with you…or filling their pants.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) February 21, 2017
14. Clearly, we’re all living the dream now …
"When I grow up, I'm going to spend all day playing with a phone."
–Me as a kid— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) February 18, 2017
15. Kids literally do say the darndest things.
7: dad, you remind me of Dumbledore.
Me: thanks!
7: but without magic obviously. Or strength.
Me: how then?
7: well, you're both old.— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) February 24, 2017