The weekend after Thanksgiving, Ariel McRae of Camden, Tennessee posted a heartfelt note on Facebook, along with a photo of her outstretched hand, bearing two simple rings. In her caption, she wrote about the beginning of her relationship with her husband; about falling madly in love and not being able to wait to start their lives together, and how, like so many, they started out with very little money.
“My husband doesn’t have a lot,” she began. “Neither of us do. We scrape and scrape to pay bills and put food in our bellies, but after almost 2 years of dating we decided that we couldn’t wait anymore, so we didn’t.”
The post itself drums up all sorts of warm and fuzzy feelings, until she describes what happened when they went shopping for her ring.
“While we were purchasing my rings … another lady that was working there came over to help the lady selling them to us,” McRae explained. “She said, ‘Y’all can you believe that some men get these as engagement rings? How pathetic.'”
Yes — she really said that.
McRae continued:
“When she said that I watched my now husband’s face fall. He already felt bad because he couldn’t afford the pear-shaped set that so obviously had my heart and covered my Pinterest page. He already felt like a failure, asking me again and again ‘Are you sure you’ll be happy with these? Are you sure this is okay?’ He was so upset at the idea of not making me happy enough and of me not wanting to marry him because my rings didn’t cost enough money or weren’t flashy enough.”
Since being shared on November 26, the post has gone viral, with over 53,000 people sharing the story to date. And it’s clearly resonating for a reason. McRae makes a valid point in wondering how we became a society that equates the amount of money a man spends on an engagement ring to how much he loves or values his bride-to-be. If we’re being honest with ourselves, the stress over it all is self-imposed; a manufactured burden we don’t have to deal with.
A quick Google search of “How much do engagement rings cost?” brings a wide range of results, easily fetching $5,000+. Just think about that for a second. Given that the rule of thumb is to spend 1-2 month’s salary on an engagement ring, it’s safe to assume that a good chunk of couples are financing it. And that’s crazy, isn’t it?
“Y’all I would have gotten married to this man if it had been a 25¢ gum ball machine ring,” McRae continued in her post. “When did our nation fall so far to think the only way a man can truly love a woman is if he buys her $3,000+ jewelry and makes a public decree of his affection with said flashy ring? Sure they are nice, sure the sentiment is wonderful and I’m not trying to cut down any of your experiences, but when did it come to all that? Why do material possessions equate love??”
It’s honestly never made any sense to me, either. I don’t think I would feel the least bit relaxed strolling around my usual haunts (aka Costco and Starbucks) with a ring THAT pricey on my finger. It’s a personal preference and obviously a popular one, so if someone wants to make this grand gesture for their soon-to-be spouse, then I say fine, good for them. But it shouldn’t be the standard for couples to feel shamed for not opting to buy a flashy ring. McRae’s $130 ring makes her happy, and isn’t that’s all that should matter?
I didn’t wear a ring the entire time I was engaged, but I radiated with unbridled happiness knowing that the greatest guy in the entire world had promised to spend his life with me. On our honeymoon, my husband gave me a simple but elegant diamond ring; it was beautiful and I felt officially married and all grown-up. I imagined handing it down to one of my children someday, but as we crept up on our 10-year anniversary, a lot of people starting making comments about an upgrade. I even began toying with the idea of getting a big, sparkly diamond myself, since that’s what everyone around me was doing. But before taking the plunge, I sat down and looked through my honeymoon pictures and remembered when I first put my wedding ring on. We were newlyweds and looked so young and audacious and a little bit broke. And fantastically in love.
I never did get that upgrade, but I couldn’t be happier. Instead, for our 10th anniversary, my husband bought me a ticket to meet Oprah (yes, as in Winfrey!) when she came through Houston on a tour. If you ask me, happily knowing each other so well — even after all these years — is better than any piece of jewelry money can buy.