If you’re a parent with a Twitter account, chances are you tweet about your kids — and often. Some of the things we’ve seen (the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly) are just begging to be shared, and who has the time for more than 140 characters? Not us. So here you go, the funniest tweets from __parents on Twitter this week. #yourewelcome
1. May the odds be ever in their favor.
The hunger games, but it's my kids racing to get the piece of chocolate from the advent calendar.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) December 1, 2016
2. #DadLife is not the coolest.
Excited to go home and watch Downton Abbey with the family tonight. Also excited for 25 yr old Sean to show up and punch me in the face.
— Sean Lowe (@SeanLowe09) November 30, 2016
3. A true emergency.
2yo woke me up because she took her shirt off and didn't know how to put it back on.
Sure, 5am seems like a great time to do this.
— KidsAreDorks (@KidsAreDorks) December 1, 2016
4. It starts so young.
Overheard my 4yo bragging to a friend about pretending to be sick & tricking me & now I know what the next 14 years will look like.
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) December 1, 2016
5. We’re seeing a resemblance there …
7y.o: "Does Santa get to sleep?"
Me: "Oh, yes. HE sleeps every night, but Mrs. Claus doesn't, because the elves wake her up every 2 hours."
— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) November 29, 2016
6. We deem you Master of Manipulation.
"When you come back inside you can clean your rooms and unload the dishwasher!" is a great way to keep the kids outside for hours.
— Amy Flory (@FunnyIsFamily) November 27, 2016
7. We’re still scarred from Thanksgiving.
I've reached that point as a Mom where I'll eat a piece of pie with my bare hands over the trash if it means not getting another dish dirty.
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) November 28, 2016
8. Married life is exciting.
*drops kids off at parents*
mom:Are you guys going out tonight?
me:Hell yeah
[cut to us taking a leisurely stroll through the grocery store]— Josh (@iwearaonesie) November 27, 2016
9. Duly noted.
Pro Tip: Never take a toddler into a toy store zone without an exit strategy. It will take you years and millions of dollars to get out.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) November 30, 2016
10. Accurate metaphor.
Being a parent is like eating a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup:
There’s no wrong way to do it.
Also, it makes you fat.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) November 30, 2016
11. 5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1 …
The last 15 mins before you pick your kid up from preschool pretty much sound like the countdown to Midnight at New Years Eve. #NeedMoreTIme
— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) November 30, 2016
12. Rookie mistake.
I accidentally laughed when my toddler said "penis" and now we can't go out in public for the foreseeable future.
— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) November 29, 2016
13. When you’ve turned over to the dark side.
You know you're a grown up when you watch Home Alone and just feel stressed out by the bad parenting.
— Tragic Ally (@TragicAllyHere) November 29, 2016
14. It’s worth a shot.
If at first you don't succeed, try reacting like a kid & throw a face-melting fit. Maybe someone will send you to time out & let you nap.
— Jenny Schoberl (@holdin_holden) November 29, 2016
15. The best way to spread Christmas fear.
How to Decorate a Christmas Tree with Kids:
1. Unpack ornament
2. Drop repeatedly until it shatters into a million pieces
3. Repeat— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) November 30, 2016