Last Friday, my 3rd-grader had swim day at school. I marked my calendar for all her swim days for the whole year when I got the packet of dead trees useful information on Back-to-School Night. I set a reminder in my phone two nights before to grab her towel and bathing suit, and for the night before to put them in her backpack. Each night required no fewer than seven reminders — that may or may not have involved screaming, some tears, and the uttering of a four-letter word (by me, not in her presence) — to mark it off my to-do list.
But the morning of swim day, I made an upsetting discovery: The bathing suit and towel were on the kitchen table instead of in my daughter’s backpack. It seems my husband had taken them out to fill up her lunch box and didn’t put them back in. Suddenly, I was outside, running frantically after the school bus just to make sure she had what she needed. (Because if I hadn’t it would mean that I’d have to drive her stuff to school and miss my exercise class — aka my ONE hour of me-time a week.)
It was exhausting, and I wasn’t even the one who went swimming.
I tell you all of this as means to say: I don’t know Melissa Radke, but she’s basically my new spirit mom. She recently recorded a video that calls out her kids’ school for all their many themed days and weeks — and speaking for annoyed __parents everywhere.
“The goal is to drive moms crazy with different outfits every single day,” Radke explains in the video. And you know what? I think she’s absolutely spot-on.
If you ask me, what schools lack in, say, edible lunches and booger-free desk undersides, they more than make up for in themes. My own kids’ school tells them to wear the jersey of their favorite team on Fridays — and my kids never like the answer when I tell them our personal shopping team at Bloomingdales doesn’t have the kind of uniform their school intended.
Schools seem to not only test their students, but their students’ parents. Can you tie-dye a shirt for your child by Tuesday without ruining your carpet, washing machine, liver and spirit? No? So sorry, that’s an F for you and yet another issue for your kids to add to the growing list for their future therapist.
Radke’s school recently celebrated Red Ribbon Week, in honor of alcohol, tobacco, drug, and violence prevention awareness, and dubbed it “Don’t Let Drugs Find You: Wear Camouflage Day.”
“Here’s the problem,” Radke says. “People that wear camo are not invisible. They’re not … I’m just saying crack doesn’t go away if you match the forest.”
She does have a point there.
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The opinionated mama’s Facebook video has since reached 13 million views. But that’s not the only place she’s been sounding off: Radke also recently wrote a blog post on her kids’ school celebrating the 100th Day of School — another bogus occasion to which I too relate on a deep level. My own kindergartner gets a treat at school each time there’s a day of school with a zero in the number.
It’s the 10th day of school? Zero the Hero (I did not make this up) will bring you a sugar-coated jelly ring that will somehow wind up in your hair or ear.
Oh, it’s the 20th day of school, you say? Let Zero the Hero give you a peppermint Life Saver that will stick itself to the bottom of your backpack until I work spend hours cleaning it.
We’ve had Pajama Days too, in which my kids either won’t wear the pajamas they wore to sleep to school, or they insist upon it, but only if it’s the morning after the night they slept naked.
We’ve had Crazy Hair Days, as well. They require extensive Googling on non-carcinogenic temporary hair sprays (find one that exists and I’ll happily call you a liar).
And then there’s Backwards Day, which is really fun when there are lots of zippers and buttons and tights involved. (Oh, wait. I mean it’s totally not fun under those circumstances.)
Even as I write this, I’m sure I just received another email from my kids’ teacher telling me about some other ridiculous school day coming up. (Will it be Wacky Sock Day or Celebrity Look-a-Like Day? I CAN’T WAIT TO FIND OUT.)
On behalf of Radke, myself, and basically every parent ever: Stop with the theme days, schools! Unless of course the theme is Horray, My Mom Got Me to School on Time (Again!) and Packed a Lunch Too, Day.
Because that‘s a day worth celebrating.
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