If you’re a parent with a Twitter account, chances are you tweet about your kids — and often. Some of the things we’ve seen (the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly) are just begging to be shared, and who has the time for more than 140 characters? Not us. So here you go, the funniest tweets from __parents on Twitter this week. #yourewelcome
1. Kids are gross.
I caught my 5 year old Mikey picking his nose.
ME: Don’t do that! I’ll get you a tissue.
Mikey: But this is a good one.— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) November 16, 2016
2. Now that’s some serious hunger.
Adults: I'm so hungry I could eat a horse!
Kids: I'm so hungry I could eat a piece of vegetables!
— Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) November 15, 2016
3. Ever think about that?
Parenting is arguing with a small human who can't even wipe their own butt.
— That's Parenting (@ThatsParenting) November 17, 2016
4. The perfect excuse.
This Thanksgiving I will be giving thanks to our family pet for turning our elf on the shelf into a chew toy. May he rest in peace.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) November 16, 2016
5. Boys.
Me: Mommy's gone for a week. Know what that means?
7yos: What?
Me: We don't have to put the toilet seat down for a week!
*high fives
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) November 12, 2016
6. We’re rooting for ya, kid.
On 9's List For Santa:
-books
-video games
-grow just one inch taller so I don't have to sit in a car seat like some baby— Marly (@VerbsRProudest) November 16, 2016
7. Yep, that’ll work alright.
New drinking game. When checking the answers of your daughter's common core math, drink every time you secretly use your fingers. #parenting
— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) November 18, 2016
8. It’s kind of ironic.
Nothing makes me wonder how I helped create two human beings from scratch more so than when I'm struggling with plastic wrap
— Mr. Hook™ (@Phook75) November 17, 2016
9. Good luck breaking the news.
Because I excel at this whole parenting thing, my kids just asked if they can finally carve their pumpkins.
— SurvivingMyBoys (@SurvivingMyBoys) November 15, 2016
10. The mannequin life ain’t bad.
The mannequin challenge, except it's just me on the couch hoping no one notices I'm home.
— Mom Psychologist (@mompsychologist) November 18, 2016
11. Thanks.
"Just a tip: you can't gargle a smoothie."
My 7YO is so wise.
— Jan Moyer (@moyermama) November 12, 2016
12. Did that help?
"I love my family. I love my family. I love my family…"
-me, when cleaning up after my family
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) November 13, 2016
13. And yet, they keep telling us, anyway.
After all these years my nine year old still thinks I care about his boredom. Fool.
— Allison Hart (@motherhoodwtf) November 17, 2016
14. Leaving the house is just so much effort.
Sometimes I want to have another baby just for the excuses to get out of doing things.
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) November 18, 2016
15. And will try until they succeed.
My kid always has to have the last 5,000 words.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) November 18, 2016
Can’t get enough of these funny tweets? Read our #FunnyParents archive here!