If you’re a parent with a Twitter account, chances are you tweet about your kids — and often. Some of the things we’ve seen (the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly) are just begging to be shared, and who has the time for more than 140 characters? Not us. So here you go, the funniest tweets from __parents on Twitter this week. #yourewelcome
1. Deep breaths.
"The baby seems to be alot better lately", my husband says, via text message, from 15 miles away, while the baby screams wildly into my ear.
— Dragging Feeties (@DraggingFeeties) November 2, 2016
2. Asking for a friend.
If you don't wake up every morning to your kid screaming the Periodic Table, can I come stay with you?
— Tiffany Hunter (@lifeattiffanys) November 2, 2016
3. It’s more adventurous that way.
Take the road less traveled. Like, the one with the most mud, or the wettest grass, even if there’s a sidewalk nearby.
-Kids
— Jennifer White (@yenniwhite) October 31, 2016
4. We can see their logic.
"I knocked but you didn't say 'come in' so I just opened the door because I knew you'd want to see me."
Privacy as defined by a 6 year old— Jill Robbins (@JillRobbinsRJAB) October 29, 2016
5. What’s a hike without the perfect walking stick?
If you ever need to find the largest stick in an area, my two year old is available for consulting services.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) October 29, 2016
6. Because that’s not always a given.
Apparently fatherhood is sometimes giving your 7-year-old an extended piggyback ride because he got in the car without his shoes.
— Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) October 30, 2016
7. Evil but genius.
Mom Truth #78: Sometimes I buy chips that are spicy because I know my kids won't eat them.
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) November 3, 2016
8. At least they’re consistent.
Toddlers always go the extra mile… when they are running away from you in a public place.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) October 30, 2016
9. Stop whining.
When someone without kids complains about daylight savings time I like to remind them that they can literally sleep whenever they want.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) November 3, 2016
10. We’ve been replaced.
My son asked me for a word definition. After I told him, he said, "I think there's more to it. I'll google it." Ouch.
— Blonde Orchid (@Orchidano) October 31, 2016
11. Yeah, dad.
It's not nice when you go away from people. – my 4yo #dadlife
— Glendale Dad Life (@GlendaleDadLife) October 30, 2016
12. Funny … we hear the same thing.
It's weird how when my kids say, "Let me help," it sounds exactly like "Let me make this way harder than it needs to be."
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 28, 2016
13. Typical.
[School day]
9: I can't find my clothes. Where are my shoes? There's no toothpaste!
[Saturday]
9: Can we go now? Can we go now? Can we go— Jackie Bouvier (@jackiembouvier) October 29, 2016
14. Seems as good a place as any.
It's alarming how often I walk out of my kids room at night with a toy in my bra and then forget it's there.
— Jessica Holt (@GraceandChamp) November 2, 2016
15. That’ll teach her.
Every time my teenager rolls her eyes at me I use the terms 'so lit' or 'throw shade' in front of her friends.
— FleurDeLea (@Celestinelea90) November 3, 2016