Lydia Lovric wrote a piece over the weekend for the Huffington Post titled “Hey Working Mamas: Daycare Isn’t an Empowering Nod to Feminism.” I am also a writer for Huffington Post and that seems to be where the similarities between myself and Lydia end. As a working mother whose three children have all been in daycare and a self-proclaimed feminist, I tried really hard to leave this one alone. Obviously I have failed.
In her article, Lovric questions why society does not make it more acceptable for mothers to choose to stay home while their children are young and further questions why “parents would make the decision to put children in daycare when the costs of doing so exceed the income earned.” She also believes even if you earn more than you spend on daycare, cheaper daycare isn’t the answer.
Instead, Lovric explains, “We need to allow more women who choose to stay home to feel pride in that decision. […] Stay-at-home moms can explain to their children (when their kids are old enough to understand) that they were happy to take a few years off (even if it meant accepting financial sacrifices) because raising children is a worthwhile and noble pursuit.”
I don’t know a mother who would argue that raising a child isn’t worthwhile. But I would argue if you don’t feel pride in your choice to stay at home, the issue is not with society, but with how you feel about the choice you have made.
And in perhaps what is the most baffling and ironic paragraph of the entire article, Lovric writes, “Personally, I would suggest that women consider staying home with their young children if working is actually costing them money (and even if it isn’t). Perhaps someone in that position could open up a home daycare instead. This would not only save you the high fees associated with daycare, but would also allow you to be with your child while also earning an income.” Basically, Lovric is assuming everyone raises children in a two-person household, where one person has the option to stay home. She then assumes in that household the woman makes less income than the man. And then goes one step further to crumble her entire original argument by suggesting she open a daycare so other greedy, non-maternal women have a place to drop off their children while they work.
Nowhere in the article does it mention the possibility that the father could, or would want to, or may be the better option to stay home. Lovric simply assumes a woman would naturally earn less and therefore be the logical caretaker. I know many women who out earn their partners. And if you take the money out of it (which most of us can’t), what if (gasp) a woman prefers to work instead of staying at home with her children? And that fact alone (gasp) makes her a better mother when she is with her children? Women are complex creatures. They can be mothers and a million others things at the same time. Just like men.
Mind. Blown.
Lovric says, “If any working mother thinks that dropping off her crying or sick toddler is somehow empowering or a nod to feminism, she clearly needs a reality check.” Never in all my years of working did I ever feel satisfaction dropping my sick child off while I sped into the office for a meeting so I could pay my bills. Having a heart and a job aren’t mutually exclusive.
The April 2015 Journal of Marriage and Family published a study finding there is very little research suggesting being raised by a working mom is bad for kids. In fact, the bulk of the research on working moms actually suggests that it’s positive for kids. I could cite countless studies listing all the benefits of daycare, but it’s irrelevant. Even if every single study showed daycare was detrimental to the emotional development of a child, millions of __parents would still have to send their children to them in order to put food on the table.
And that is my issue with Lovric’s article. She presumes to know what is right for another family. She sits in judgment of others’ decisions in order to feel better about her own. Feminism isn’t about leaving our children for other people to raise. It is about equal opportunity for women. It is about choice. It is about teaching our children, boys and girls, that anything is possible.