If you’re a parent with a Twitter account, chances are you tweet about your kids — and often. Some of the things we’ve seen (the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly) are just begging to be shared, and who has the time for more than 140 characters? Not us. So here you go, the funniest tweets from __parents on Twitter this week. #yourewelcome
1. If only.
My kid said he was going to throw up and I said "oh no you're not" like I actually hold that kind of power.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) October 18, 2016
2. Please and thank you.
I asked my kid if he enjoyed his dinner.
"Yes but next time make it a little tastier."
Nothing keeps the ego in check quite like a 6 yr old— Jill Robbins (@JillRobbinsRJAB) October 16, 2016
3. Smart thinking.
4-year-old: My friend has shoes that light up.
Me: Do you want some?
4: No. They let monsters find you in the dark.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 19, 2016
4. A reason enough to celebrate.
Themes I'm considering for my daughter's 2nd birthday:
1. Hey, I kept this kid alive for another year.
2.— Dragging Feeties (@DraggingFeeties) October 19, 2016
5. Interesting theory …
What if Snow White just pretended to be asleep so she didn't have to clean up after little people anymore? Because that I totally get.
— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) October 18, 2016
6. You and us both, kid.
7 is playing his iPad while I watch the debate. When I went to the kitchen, he muted the tv and said, "This is driving me nuts."
Same.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) October 20, 2016
7. Sneaky, sneaky.
Confession: After my kids fall asleep, I binge eat their fruit snacks.
But they're organic so it's okay.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) October 17, 2016
8. Bring it on.
This morning's sibling world war 83 brought to you by the brother asking to use the peanut butter knife before the sister was finished.
— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) October 18, 2016
9. That’ll show ’em.
Nice try, teenagers. This year I'm buying my pumpkins pre-smashed.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) October 20, 2016
10. Pretty much.
When you constantly look like a hobo, so you only post pictures of your kid on social media. #momlife
— Mrs. {M}ombie (@scarlettOhottie) October 17, 2016
11. It happens to the best of us.
I never thought I'd be that parent who'd say, "Don't make me turn this car around." But here I am. Being that parent.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) October 15, 2016
12. Sounds about right.
Just bought Halloween costumes which means the kids will change their minds 10x & settle for the one that's out of stock the day before.
— It'sReally10Months (@really10months) October 17, 2016
13. That sucks.
My children played with my makeup.
I know this because this morning I applied a blush brush full of black eye shadow to my cheek.— The Dose of Reality (@TheDoseTweets) October 17, 2016
14. We don’t think he understands what bribing entails.
6yo: if you let me stay up late I'll give you $6.25.
Me: that's a really specific number.
6yo: it's how much you had in your closet.— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) October 19, 2016
15. Exterior decorating 101.
Half of the landscaping stones in my yard are just rocks I found in my kids pockets that they brought home from the playground.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) October 20, 2016