If you’re a parent with a Twitter account, chances are you tweet about your kids — and often. Some of the things we’ve seen (the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly) are just begging to be shared, and who has the time for more than 140 characters? Not us. So here you go, the funniest tweets from __parents on Twitter this week. #yourewelcome
1. When your kids know you better than you know yourself.
9: Mom
Me: Yes?
9: Guess who I am. [Squints, hunches] All my marbles! So old I've lost them! Gone! GOONNE! [Collapses]
Me:
11: So. Accurate.— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) October 13, 2016
2. One day. One day.
My entire goal in #parenting is to play a game of hide & seek and have the kids get tired of looking for me and leave me there to nap.
— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) October 12, 2016
3. It’s never chocolate.
Pro tip: smelling the brown stain on kids clothing to determine if it's chocolate is never a good idea.
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) October 12, 2016
4. The mark of a true friendship.
Her mom always picks her up late too.
-my kid describing her new friend and probably my new mom friend— Mere (@Does_This_Match) October 13, 2016
5. It’s really effective.
My contraception is my 4yo waking me up at 3am to tell me I didn't tell him not to wake me up at 3am.
— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) October 13, 2016
6. Just give us a minute!
My fridge gives me approximately 30 seconds to do something before it starts beeping at me. It's like my kids but in an appliance.
— Cathryn (@AngryRaccoon2) October 8, 2016
7. Yep, that’ll do it.
I always thought I'd be a patient mom & then I watched my son try to zip his own jacket.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 12, 2016
8. Seriously, get the memo, kids.
When will my kids realize if they bring more snacks home, mommy will be a lot nicer?
— Jandalize (@Jandalize) October 12, 2016
9. Bravo.
Me (sarcastically)- Don't worry! I took your plate to the kitchen!!
6- I wasn't worried. I knew that you could do it.
— Iwan (@IwanWil) October 12, 2016
10. Selective hearing at its finest.
What I say: It's cold out, go put some socks on so we can go.
What my kid hears: Go sit in your room and try to solve this Rubik's cube.— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) October 14, 2016
11. Where is the logic?
6pm
Me: Time to practice piano
7: I don't want to7pm
Me: Practice piano
7: No, I wanna play8pm
Me: Bedtime
7: I want to practice piano!— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 12, 2016
12. It’s like a freakin’ cult.
My kid plays soccer, so if you ask me what I'm doing this weekend, the answer is soccer. It's always soccer.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) October 11, 2016
13. Any takers?
If you have a 150+ page document on your hard drive, my toddler would be happy to come over and print it.
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 13, 2016
14. Impressive.
I hate to brag, but it only took us 27 minutes to find my son's shoes this morning.
— Deva Dalporto (@mylifesuckers) October 10, 2016
15. The little museum curators are great at their jobs.
A parent's car is pretty much a museum for ancient artifacts such as crackers, raisins, and arms of Lego people.
— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) October 8, 2016