If you’re a parent with a Twitter account, chances are you tweet about your kids — and often. Some of the things we’ve seen (the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly) are just begging to be shared, and who has the time for more than 140 characters? Not us. So here you go, the funniest tweets from __parents on Twitter this week. #yourewelcome
1. A little personal space, please?
*Hubs & 3 cuddling on the couch
Hubs: I love you so much, you are the cutest!
3: you're in my face#parenting #dadlife— Kim (@PeachieMcGee) October 2, 2016
2. So close.
"And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you pesky kids!" <- me, 5 seconds after every time I think I'm caught up on laundry.
— Allison Hart (@motherhoodwtf) October 7, 2016
3. Thanks anyway, though!
Stranger: Would you like me to take the picture for you?
Me: Oh I'm not taking a selfie. Just trying to keep my phone away from my toddler.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) October 7, 2016
4. No.
If I took the kids to the zoo, and didn't post an artsy photo with an inspirational quote about motherhood, DID IT REALLY EVEN HAPPEN?
— Suburbia_Mommy (@runner_mom2) October 4, 2016
5. Guilty until proven innocent.
My 1yo stares at every new person she meets with the deep inquisitive stare of a grizzled homicide detective.
— Will (@willgoldstein) October 6, 2016
6. ANYTHING but a clown.
5: I wanna be a witch for Halloween.
Me: That's fine.
5: Or a mummy.
Me: That'd be cool, too.
5: Maybe a clown?
Me: LITERALLY NO WAY IN HELL— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) October 5, 2016
7. If only real life was more like Facebook.
Facebook: They grow so fast! Cherish each moment.
Reality: Why did you paint the dog?! Stop farting on each other! We don't eat floor food!
— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) October 7, 2016
8. Our fingers are crossed for you.
We're 4 weeks out from Halloween and I'm at peak anxiety that this will be the year my kids figure out how delicious peanut butter cups are.
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) October 5, 2016
9. We’re getting old, guys.
brb. . . an 8 year old is teaching me a software program I'm having difficulty w/cuz apparently she's known how to use it since she was 6.
— EricaTriesToTweet (@SteussieErica) October 7, 2016
10. Don’t they know to get our good side?
There's nothing more brutally honest than a photo of you taken by a child.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) October 5, 2016
11. Now that’s terrifying.
My daughter wants to be something scary for Halloween this year so she's going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 6, 2016
12. There’s no in-between.
I only have two parenting settings:
'Judgy helicopter' mom and 'hasn't seen her kids for the better part of the afternoon' mom— Dragging Feeties (@DraggingFeeties) October 5, 2016
13. Back in our day, we got a nickel and were happy about it.
6yo: Daddy, why do some kids get more money from The Tooth Fairy than she gives me?
Me: Because she takes pity on kids with stupid parents.
— Token Geezer (@Token_Geezer) October 7, 2016
14. Bad handwriting is the worst.
Want kids? My daughter is having a melt down because she doesn’t like the number 3 that she just drew on her white board.
— Court (@Discourt) October 7, 2016
15. Like father, like daughter.
Daughter: I stayed home because I'd been throwing up all day
Me: That's because you ate uncooked brownie batter
D: So worth it
Me: I know— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) October 6, 2016