If you’re a parent with a Twitter account, chances are you tweet about your kids — and often. Some of the things we’ve seen (the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly) are just begging to be shared, and who has the time for more than 140 characters? Not us. So here you go, the funniest tweets from __parents on Twitter this week. #yourewelcome
1. True statement.
The shortest distance between two points is not bringing your kid with you.
— Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) September 28, 2016
2. Awww.
I can tell my son loves public displays of affection by how when I blow him kisses he karate chops the air, drops & says, "YES. Deflected."
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) September 23, 2016
3. Who knew “cereal” could sound so angry?
Being a mom means saying things that shouldn't be threatening in a very threatening manner. Like, "EAT YOUR CEREAL!" for example.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) September 27, 2016
4. Yeah, dad.
Me: Don't run with scissors.
6: What if there's a scissors emergency?
Me: What's a scissors emergency?
6: When you have one, you'll know.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 28, 2016
5. Who is this guy??
There was a guy in the coffee shop w/ 3 kids and he ordered decaf. I just stood there doing nothing and that decision will always haunt me.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) September 28, 2016
6. We don’t know, BUT THERE SHOULD BE.
Do baby head scented candles exist?
— Sean Lowe (@SeanLowe09) September 25, 2016
7. You’d think he’d get bored …
How long can my son "go to the bathroom" when he is supposed to be doing homework? Answer: well over 45 minutes.
— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) September 26, 2016
8. Now that’s what we call problem-solving.
I just settled an argument over the last waffle by eating it myself.
Parenting is easy.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 27, 2016
9. Smart move.
I'm typing this so I don't have to talk to the other __parents at my kid's soccer practice
— David DeWeil (@daviddeweil) September 27, 2016
10. He makes a valid point.
Me: Hillary would be the first female president ever.
6 year old son: There's never been one? That's dumb. Mom's take care of everyone.
— Elizabeth (@Elizasoul80) September 27, 2016
11. Parenting at its finest.
I just explained cause & effect to my daughter by showing the empty bag of cheez-its then promptly showing the button undone on my pants.
— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) September 28, 2016
12. Parsley is the worst.
I never knew that parsley had the power to destroy someone's life, but six leaves of it in my kid's rice has taught me otherwise.
— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) September 28, 2016
13. All hail the mighty credit card.
If I tell the kids I can't buy them something the standard response is "JUST USE THE CARD" so clearly they're set up for financial success.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) September 28, 2016
14. That’s good … ?
7yo: I don't eat other people's boogers because I don't know if those people have germs or not.
Me:
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) September 28, 2016
15. Close enough.
My mom asked my son if we read the Bible at home. His answer: "No, but we watch Harry Potter a lot."
Winning at parenting. Clearly.— Jill Robbins (@JillRobbinsRJAB) September 26, 2016