In the world of trending Facebook crises, measles is the new Ebola. Except unlike Ebola, the measles outbreak is indicative of a larger looming trend. Unlike Ebola, measles is a preventible disease that could technically be (and has successfully been) avoided. Unlike Ebola, there’s a group of parents to blame — and we’re blaming them, loudly. Now we have a formerly eradicated disease sweeping through our backyards — this isn’t just a theoretical “what if;” it’s happening in our neighborhoods — and we’re feeling scared. We’re threatened. We’re mad as hell. Parents are feeling extra vulnerable. Extra snippy. Extra vocal. Arms and fingers are outstretched, pointing directly at the “anti-vaccine” families as if they’re the new societal parasite.
But instead of using the measles outbreak as another excuse to throw up our picket signs and rally toward one side of the debate, maybe we could see it as a wake-up call. An opportunity to stop and ask, what are we doing? Do we want to be “right” or do we want a solution? Talking ourselves in circles clearly isn’t working. The loudest Facebook rants do not, in fact, make a dent. And politicizing the issue as a party talking point will only further the divide between “US” and “THEM,” strengthening our biases and closing our minds.
So let us please stop with the labels and high horses. We need to recognize that we’re all sharing this air, this society, and the choices of a few do affect the whole, whether we like it or not. That’s how vaccines work. So if we’re going to have a real conversation about this — not just for our children, for our species — then maybe we should be asking some better questions.
Here’s one: Who are we fighting, exactly?
When you put down the ideologies and the identity constructs — the “pro”s and the “anti”s — and you really look at the people you’re raging against, and listen to what you’re both arguing, you’ll hear the same thing: Please, just keep my babies safe. They’re scared, we’re scared; it’s not like one side of this debate is filled with zombie sociopaths, and they’re not ignorant puppets, either. Most parents, vaxx-friendly or not, take the subject really seriously. We all have reasons and opinions and deep-rooted judgments. We might lose sleep over it, we might end friendships because of it, but we make our choices based on our guts, not our reasoning. Even me — I chose to vaccinate on time, but I didn’t have much of a gut instinct otherwise. My kid has a strong, healthy immune system, I have a basic understanding of vaccines, as well as a deep propensity to trust science and authority. That’s just who I am. Nothing about protecting our babies is logical; it’s the primal mama-bear growl inside of us. Maybe you think “her” choices are stupid, misguided, brainwashed, or naive. Maybe you think her choices are dangerous and short-sighted; maybe they are. But through her perspective, she’s protecting and loving her babies.
So maybe instead of asking why people are so ignorant, we should be wondering, why are people so scared? Why does a chunk of our population have such distrust for a system that should be here to help us? What role does our socially imposed “labels” play in keeping our defenses up and listening ears turned off? What about Big Pharma and the exorbitant profit that vaccines turn? What about our political system — designed to keep us in a “YOU” vs. “THEM” camp — which churns out elected officials who say things like:
“[The] Hepatitis B vaccine is now given to newborns. We sometimes give five and six vaccines all at one time. I chose to have [them] I don’t want my government telling me that I have to give my new newborn the Hepatitis B vaccine, which is transmitted by sexually transmitted disease and/or blood transfusions … so I had mine staggered over several months. I’ve heard of many tragic cases of walking, talking normal children who wound up with profound mental disorders after vaccines. I’m not arguing vaccines are a bad idea, I think they’re a good thing, but I think the parent should have some input. The state doesn’t own your children. Parents own the children and it is an issue of freedom.” — Rand Paul, two days ago.
Scared, every last one of us. And we simply can’t make the best, loving decisions when we’re motivated by fear.
The more I see the name calling, the broad-stroke judgments, the mass “un-friending,” the more I realize that the only possible antidote is something we’re severely lacking: compassion. Through the lens of compassion, our biggest questions become no-brainers:
Shouldn’t we want to boost our herd immunity to protect our more vulnerable citizens?
Shouldn’t we want to develop safe formulas with the utmost transparency for the good of humanity, and be open to criticisms and improvements?
Shouldn’t we want to validate our fellow parents’ fears and think beyond the narrow-minded perspective of “ME” vs. “THEM”? Can’t we see that we all want to do the right thing?
And when we find compassion, we can also find nuance (the other missing factor in the black-and-white debate). Writing off all “anti-vaxx” concerns is just as ignorant and small-minded as we accuse them of being. Although the motivation to rally around vaccines is done with the best of intentions — not only for our children, but for all children — we can’t push too far. We can’t ignore all of the concerns as “crazy.” We can’t declare broad-stroke VACCINES FOR ALL, NO QUESTIONS YA BIG DUMMIES. Is our medical-industrial complex and profit-turning vaccine industry really not a conflict of interest? Are we willing to deny that maybe some kids have unique biologies that might cause unique side-effects, and that more transparent research needs to be done? And not for an agenda, or a talking point, or to fulfill our biases, but for the good of humanity. And speaking of nuance, not everyone who delays or questions vaccines are immediately “anti.” Even our pediatrician — a brilliant, highly respected doctor — raised his eyebrows when he saw how “loaded up” my toddler was with scheduled vaccines. He recommends a slightly spaced out, consciously conservative schedule that still hits the public-school mandated requirements. Yet that conversation gets swept away in the anti-vaxx hysteria, written off as loony talk.
What I’m saying is, it’s not black and white, this or that, all or nothing. Until we can find the nuance and honesty — until we can look one another in the eyes and see the burning concerns for our children’s health and safety — we’ll never move forward.
So yes, let’s have a conversation about vaccines, now more than ever. But let’s talk about the real issues: fear, social responsibility, and parental love. And let’s do it with some compassion. Because until we do, we’ll always be stuck in our labeled boxes, screaming into the void, holding our children, silently pleading, please keep my babies safe.
The stakes are too high to be caught up in polarizing nonsense. Our children, our people, deserve better.