A couple of years ago I read an interview with President Obama in Rolling Stone. Something he said really stuck with me, and not because I’m especially patriotic or incredibly informed about foreign policy. What he said struck a chord with me because it perfectly encapsulated how I feel about parenting.
He was talking about his determination to do right by the American people. He said he wants to “make sure that every morning I wake up trying to figure out, ‘How do I improve their prospects?'”
How do I improve their prospects: Isn’t that the essence of parenting?
Every day we wake up trying to figure out how to improve our children’s prospects. We want to give them the best chance at a happy life.
Attempting to improve their prospects drives much of what I do for my children. I nursed them (as much as I could) for the health benefits. I read to them to improve their IQs. I put them to bed on time so they would grow and not be grumpy the next day. I enjoyed doing all of this and spent time with them just for the sake of it, but I do everything I do for their own good. Don’t you?
As my children have grown and become more independent, nothing about me wanting to improve their prospects has changed. I nag my son about his grades because his college applications are due and his GPA matters in this context and, while it seems like hyperbole to him, this semester determines his future. Nagging him isn’t fun, but it improves his prospects.
When he started driving it didn’t feel comfortable to let him get behind the wheel. If felt safer to drive him around myself. But I made the uncomfortable choice to let him practice. Malcolm Gladwell famously explained that it takes 10,000 hours to become really good at something. The only way for my son to become a safe driver was to let him drive. This actually went against the instincts of my monkey/protective brain. My higher functioning/mother brain projected into the future and realized that to be a competent, fully-functioning adult, this kid has to learn to drive. While it does introduce some risk, it will improve his prospects. So we buckled up and logged the hours required for his permit.
Sometimes parenting is easy because you get to do what you feel like doing with your kids — cuddling, reading, caring for them. But sometimes parenting is tough and feels gut-wrenching. Obama may have been stumping for a second term, but he also stumbled onto the essence of parenting. I like to remember what he said and focus on what I’m doing as a parent — improving their prospects.
Image source: Michelle Obama via Instagram