You kind of have an idea about what life with a baby is like because of diaper commercials and mommy bloggers: rocking, feeding, lots of late nights.
But what does motherhood look like with older kids? I’m finding it’s a murky area. Raising older children is a delight, but it’s decidedly less picturesque than new nurseries and neatly folded organic cloth diapers. As children grow, they diversify. Some become soccer players. Some love to read. Some become slobs. Some become stubborn. Some, I’m told, become successful doctors. (*Fingers crossed*)
As the aging generation of mommy bloggers 1.0 now find themselves dealing with AP credits and HPV vaccinations, our optimistic, detailed birth plans have fallen by the wayside while we dig into the trenches of everyday parenting. It’s harder to blog about raising older kids because the stories we would tell about ourselves dealing with colicky babies or willful toddlers aren’t completely our stories to tell anymore. It doesn’t seem right for a parent to blog about their middle schooler’s problems. In fact, it seems like the exact opposite of what a middle schooler needs. They need their privacy. The support I felt online among moms has dwindled because when mommy bloggers’ kids reach the tween and teenage years, you have to go silent. It’s only fair.
But I’d like to give you just a little peek into the way my day looks as a mom of four kids ranging from ages 7 to 17. They all sleep though the night and feed themselves (if food is provided), so the three-quarters of your life you spent rocking and feeding will be free! But that time will be filled with things like homework, driving kids around, and making sure they have clothes/uniforms/shoes/projects/glue sticks/a lunch for the field trip/values/self esteem/permission slips.
A typical weekday begins in my house at the crack of dawn (6:45 am). We read scriptures together and have a family prayer before everyone starts to get ready. My grade schoolers can go back to bed or have a leisurely breakfast (that I don’t cook). Sometimes if my kids are behind in a class, they attend “intervention” at school. It’s great and it nips falling grades in the bud with one-on-one time with the teacher before school. So if anyone is going to that, I drive them at 7 am. Otherwise, they need to be at school by 8 am. My husband takes them on his way to work (or if they want the car for the day, they drop him off). I help my grade schoolers get ready (teeth brushing, homework folders, water bottles — ALWAYS WITH THE WATER BOTTLES). They head out the door to the bus stop a little after 8 am.
Ahhhhhhh. That’s when I have freedom — wonderful freedom! Unless someone forgot something or I’m chaperoning a field trip or going grocery shopping, I can read a book or blog or take a nap and it is wonderful and I’ve earned it.
But 2:15 pm comes around quickly. High school lets out and my kids head to track practice. My grade schoolers are home by 3:45 pm — usually famished, tired, and with loads of homework. That’s when it gets real. Want to know what is even realer than that? When my high schoolers get home and I start nagging them about their homework. Their homework includes AP Calculus. Mama don’t know calculus. So when it’s midnight and it’s not done and you realize they need help and you can’t help them, you better have a neighbor who is a rocket scientist (which I do) who can come over and tutor them or I don’t know what to tell you.
There are dates and dances and late nights. When your kids learn to drive, you’ll find yourself staring at the face of sleep deprivation once again. Instead of a teething baby awaking every few hours, it’s teenagers who break their curfew that will keep you up at night — half sick with worry and half enraged and plotting future indefinite groundings. Here’s a book someone needs to write: What to Expect When You Expected Your Teen an Hour Ago.
All in all, older children are interesting and much less physically demanding than babies. They can walk, for example. But parenting older kids takes more of an emotional toll because as kids get older, the stakes get higher. They are also articulate and funny and they will make you so, so proud for the most part. The one thing that remains constant (besides how much I truly adore them) is how busy I am as a mom even though I couldn’t name a single thing I do most days.
Image source: Kacy Faulconer