Aaron, er, Spider-Man and Ralphie
It’s rare that “laugh-out-loud funny” and “obituary” are used in the same sentence, but then again (and quite unfortunately), Aaron Joseph Purmort only had a chance to die once.
The 35-year-old father and husband passed away in late November from brain cancer, although to hear him tell it (posthumously), it was due to a radioactive spider bite from a “nefarious criminal named Cancer.” In his obituary, which he wrote himself, he outed himself as Spider-Man and claims his son, Ralph, “will grow up to avenge his father’s untimely death.” And being that Purmort was “always the most fun person at any party,” it won’t be a battle fought in vain.
Purmort’s “current” wife, Nora, documented her husband’s illness on a blog, along with a loving account of their fabulous relationship. He was an art director in Minneapolis with a fantastic sense of humor (he is survived by his “first wife Gwen Stefani”?). But add in the underlying tenderness to his piece and you can tell he was a great dad, too. Sure, many little kids already do think of their parents that way, but to see it in black and white makes it official. No one should have to grow up without a dad, but if it comes to pass, it is nice to know that he went down “protecting our city.”
It would seem that it would take a strong person to have the foresight to accept their inevitable death and write their own obituary, but it would take an exceptional parent to give their child something to hold close once they’re gone, thereby letting them know they were fighting for a good cause.
Here’s Purmort’s obituary in full:
Purmort, Aaron Joseph age 35, died peacefully at home on November 25 after complications from a radioactive spider bite that led to years of crime-fighting and a years long battle with a nefarious criminal named Cancer, who has plagued our society for far too long.
Civilians will recognize him best as Spider-Man, and thank him for his many years of service protecting our city. His family knew him only as a kind and mild-mannered Art Director, a designer of websites and t-shirts, and concert posters who always had the right cardigan and the right thing to say (even if it was wildly inappropriate).
Aaron was known for his long, entertaining stories, which he loved to repeat often. In high school, he was in the band The Asparagus Children, which reached critical acclaim in the northern suburbs.
As an adult, he graduated from the College of Visual Arts (which also died an untimely death recently) and worked in several agencies around Minneapolis, settling in as an Interactive Associate Creative Director at Colle + McVoy.
Aaron was a comic book aficionado, a pop-culture encyclopedia and always the most fun person at any party.
He is survived by his parents Bill and Kim Kuhlmeyer, father Mark Purmort (Patricia, Autumn, Aly), sisters Erika and Nicole, first wife Gwen Stefani, current wife Nora and their son Ralph, who will grow up to avenge his father’s untimely death.
Leave it to a superhero — or a really good dad — to know that with great power comes great responsibility — and a great final few words.
Image via Instagram