I try not to let blogging or my social media presence change how I parent. I don’t want to bake cute holiday cookies with my kids just for a photo shoot to post on my blog. That seems insincere. But whether I like it or not, the culture of Instagram and constant self-documentation has made its way into the inner workings of my family.
My two older children are on Instagram and Facebook. I keep up with them there. It’s fun to follow each other and post pictures of each other. When we were planning our family vacation to London, I figured out my outfits before I even got my passport. I knew my friends would be following the trip on Instagram (no one has the patience to wait until you get home to look at your vacation photos anymore!), and I didn’t want to worry about what I was wearing or if the pictures were “good enough” to post.
Isn’t it strange that we think this way now? My friend and I both admitted that since the Halloween pumpkins our families carved were nothing special, we didn’t post photos of them on Instagram. But we both still had this nagging feeling that the world wouldn’t know we had carved pumpkins. We didn’t feel quite like we were getting full credit until the pics were posted! It’s a little crazy.
I’m glad I didn’t grow up with this technology. As an adult, I can tell when I’m getting sucked in to caring too much about my online persona and need to step away from the Internet. But I don’t know if kids growing up in this culture can tell. It’s so much a part of them, and they’ve never not been on Instagram. I wonder how it will affect their self image? Are they more self-absorbed and appearance conscious? Are they more confident and open to sharing? We’ll see.
Selfie culture is not all bad. There are wonderful benefits to the surge in social media, too. It helps you stay in touch and feel close to people you don’t see very often in real life. I know that there is some risk of becoming so involved in your online life that your “real life” interactions fade away. But in my case I’ve got a handful of close friends and family who I spend time with — yes, in real life — regularly. Social media helps us communicate and touch base every day when we might only see each other once a week. Then I’ve got friends who I would never see or would only see once a year. I can stay in contact with these friends through “liking” and commenting on posts and pictures. It’s fun. My online involvement doesn’t really encroach on my real life interactions. But I know this is definitely something to watch and keep in balance.
While I’m wary of apps that bombard moms with images and ideas online that foster insecurity and inadequacy, I do get some great ideas on Pinterest. And I’ve been validated by posting cute pictures of my family that people comment on, even though I know it’s kind of shallow and should have no real bearing on my self worth. Over the last few years (and ONLY since my kids have been sleeping through the night) I have developed the willpower to stay away from show-off sites when I’m feeling depressed or low. I’ve had to tune in to how I’m feeling while online. If something is causing me despair, I click away. Life is too short! I’ve wasted too many hours staring at feeds and comparing myself to thinner, more creative, happier, better moms. It doesn’t help. But when I’m bored or looking for inspiration, these same sites can be a real kick in the pants. I love seeing how the other half lives or just even how other moms are doing things.
Basically, it all comes down to knowing your limits/triggers/weaknesses. I’m trying to teach my kids this same sense of awareness but it’s hard. The online world is a powerful draw and can be both good and bad. Mostly I want my kids to be deliberate about how they’re spending time online and and how staring at selfies of themselves and other people is making them feel. In the meantime, I always have a little lip gloss on just in case we have a special family moment that I need to snap a selfie to remember.