Like showering with my wife, taking my 9-year-old son and 7-year-old daughter out to a nice place to eat for a “dinner date” is only good in theory. It never turns out the way I envision and it’s never nearly as fun as I think it will be.
In my head, I imagine going out with my family for a special dinner, a fancy night, sharing an experience that will be treasured forever. In reality, we end up having a night that ranks right up there with some of the worst first dates I’ve ever had. (And I’ve had a lot.)
There are so many not-fun things about a dinner date with my kids that it could fill a book … and that book would be entitled, “Dinner Dates With My Kids Kinda Suck.”
Here is just a small sampling of reasons why:
1. Not once do they ask, “And how was your day?”
2. There is a complete lack of interest in hearing the specials.
3. Looking for stimulating dinner conversation? Not here. There are only so many times you can hear the story of the kid who farted really loud in class.
4. Really poor at choosing a wine that pairs well with the meal.
5. When sharing dessert they completely ignore the concept of “sharing.” It’s basically a free for all, where I’m lucky if I get one bite of the flourless chocolate cake.
6. Three words: Bread. Crumbs. Everywhere.
7. They’re constantly photobombing my stunning food shots for Instagram.
8. The inability to stay awake past 9:30 PM.
9. They both look better than me when dressed up and I JUST CANNOT HAVE THAT.
10. Always want to taste my dish but when I ask for a taste of theirs, they look like I’m about to rob them.
And last but not least…
11. They never ever offer to pick up the check.
Seriously, if you were on a dinner date with an adult who acted like that, the date would be over tout suite. (“Immediately” in French – the only French I know.) But because they are my kids I have to over look their lack of social graces and pretend like I am enjoying their company.
Which, I guess when you think about it, is exactly like what most dinner dates are.