Ah, motherhood. That incredible season of life when you simply can’t do anything right.
Sure, it sounds a bit cynical, but if there’s anything that motherhood has taught me it’s that the only way you can survive it with a smile on your face is by marching to the beat of your own drum. If you try to judge your own skills as a parent through another’s opinion, you will be most definitely messing it up — whether you’re helicoptering your young straight into college, ruining their lives by not breastfeeding them, or making up allergies just to deny another kid his birthday cupcake during school, it can feel like you simply can’t win.
Which is why I’m throwing all parenting caution to the wind and declaring this, my proclamation of parenting rules I just don’t follow.
1. Enjoy it now because it goes so fast.
I am fully aware of how quickly parenting goes by, thank you very much, but I don’t need a reminder to enjoy it now simply because it will be gone later. I enjoy it now because it really is that awesome. Sure, there are days that I would like to run away and never come back, but overall, my kids never fail to bring a smile to my face and a warm dash of reality at how lucky I really am.
2. Limiting screen time is important.
While I’m not advocating for a no-holds screen fest, it also seems pretty futile to fear the screen as a modern parent — I mean, they’re everywhere. We haven’t resorted to any kind of screen intervention or cashing-in-chips program yet, because our kids are pretty little still, but I think in this case, too much regulation may just backfire. Screens are simply a part of our life’s landscape now and I’m hoping (virtual fingers crossed) that by not making them so unattainable, they will be a normal, not all-consuming part of life.
3. Dinner before dessert always or you’ll ruin your appetite.
If eating sweets before dinner is wrong, I certainly don’t want to be right. It’s not an everyday occurrence, of course, but every now and then, to fill that long gap between school and my husband’s blessed arrival through the garage door, you may just find me guilty of being the “who wants to go get ice cream?!” instigator.
4. Never eat raw cookie dough.
I know, I know, salmonella. But what’s the fun of making cookie dough if you can’t eat a bite or two straight out of the mixing bowl? The same rule applies to beaters in my house. It’s a childhood memory that my husband and I are both fond of and I just can’t resist passing on the tradition. Just one teensy bit can’t hurt, right? *puts hands over ears, I can’t hear you lalalala*
5. Education is everything.
While I would agree with that statement, I’m also a believer that education doesn’t just happen in the classroom. I kind of sort of have a reputation for being a little lax on my children’s school attendance record for things like family vacations, trips to the museum, and town parades and I am a firm believer in the benefits of a mental health day. As long as my kids are able to stay on top of their grades and work, I think life is an education too.
6. Don’t spoil your kids.
The minute that we walked our first baby girl into her kindergarten classroom, I realized how much of parenting I had completely wrong. I was so worried about doing everything right and not spoiling her too much and making sure our days were a structured mix of free time and craft time and play time and reading time that I had missed out on just enjoying that time when she was home with me. Those first few years really can be just all about having fun. These days, with three more kids at home, I’m much more go-with-the-flow. The four-year-old wants to go out to lunch? Sure! The two-year-old wants to watch one more episode of “Cars?” Why not? The baby wants to nurse all day? At least I’m burning calories! I am so not worrying about spoiling my kids with a little extra fun during their days at home any more.
7. Don’t give your kids empty praise.
The parenting experts claim that we’re supposed to praise the efforts, not the accomplishments so our children learn to feel proud of (and improve upon) concrete skills. I’m not sure when it became a bad thing to throw out a few “good job, buddy!” or “nice work coloring honey’s” at our kids. I’ve read all kinds of parenting “advice” that claims how we are actually harming our kids when we mindlessly praise them, but sorry, I’m not buying it. It’s pretty much a universal with kids — we want our parents to be proud of us. I am almost 30 years old and I still want to tell my parents about my accomplishments, not because I need some kind of validation or constant need for attention because I’m a narcissist millennial, but simply because they’re my parents. Or, in other words, they love me and will be happy with whatever news I share with them.
Our kids don’t need us to promote each and every specific skill set they may show, but they do need us to show our love for them. Which is exactly what they are asking for when they proudly display their coloring pages or yell, “Watch me, Mom!” They aren’t asking us to comment on how well they have learned to color in the lines or how impressed we are at their motor skills — they’re asking for our love. And I’m happy to oblige, no matter how many times I have to exclaim over my two-year-old’s scribbles. Now, if someone could only tell me if it’s a dinosaur or a piece of broccoli, I’d be all set …
Image via j&j brusie photography
More by Chaunie:
7 Secrets of a Mom Who “Has It All”
Why Do We Complain So Much About How Hard It Is To Be A Mom?
The One Thing I Most Regret About My Wedding