MCC Celebrates the Spirit of Booth Maternity

Last week the Pennsylvania Historical Commission unveiled a historical marker commemorating Booth __maternity Center at what is now part of St Joseph University’s Campus. This was significant to me and the MCC family in many ways.  MCC supported the application developed by Bill McCool, CNM chair of the Midwifery department, University of PA Nursing School and MCC Policy Committee member to highlight Booth as a nationally recognized innovator and leader in developing family-centered __maternity care and parenting programs. MCC also cosponsored the dedication event because as PA Historical Commission’s Nancy Moses observed – too few historical sites acknowledge the contributions and lives of women, children, and families.

My interest was also personal. I birthed my daughter, Cory at Booth Maternity Center 33 years ago. I was surrounded by close family and friends and assisted by a nurse midwife and my loving husband. With all of that support, it was clear who was in charge. I was expected to make decisions, express my preferences and actively participate in my care. My baby was immediately put on my chest, rooted for my breast and nursed vigorously. Booth was family friendly and breastfeeding friendly. A birth was a significant life experience that could be empowering and spiritual not simply a medical event. It was the beginning of a new life, a defining relationship, and a family journey.

I worked at Booth for five years, directing the parenting program. We supported families in being the best parents they could be by offering childbirth education, peer support through trained parent volunteers, Booth Buddies, ongoing support groups and parent-child play groups. We had a newsletter- the Listening Booth- where parents could voice their interests and concerns and I could spark discussion by chronicling my own developmental challenges of parenting Sage and Cory as infants and toddlers.

What was most remarkable at Booth was that everyone who worked there was committed to the vision and mission. This included the dietary, administrative and housekeeping staff as well as physicians, midwives, social workers, and educators. Parents helped design Booth and helped craft their programs. It was also remarkably diverse. Founders Ruth Wilf and John Franklin intentionally set out to create a hospital that did not distinguish between “clinic’ and “private pay” patients. All insurance was accepted. Families included pregnant teens, highly educated college professors, health care professionals and Muslim women seeking female birth attendants. Booth was truly successful in treating everyone with respect and having the same high-quality care for all.

It was at Booth that I first encountered Maternity Care Coalition. In 1983, I was invited to represent Booth at the then small and mostly volunteer coalition. I remember being eight months pregnant and climbing the steps to the third floor of the office at Welfare Rights organization in North Philadelphia where I attended my first meeting. MCC founder, Sister Teresita Hinnegan and recently hired part-time advocate, Dorothy Jordan greeted me. The agenda was addressing the outrageous infant mortality rates in Philadelphia and the disturbing disparities that had two to three times the number of African –American babies die before their first birthday. What could we do? We agreed to collect data, listen to neighborhood women and mobilize the community to address the problem.

In thinking back to my Booth days, I realized much of what I learned there shaped my values and approach here at MCC. It is most visible in MCC’s Statement of Beliefs. The woman, infant, and family have always been at the center at MCC. “Pregnancy is a state of wellness, birth as normal, and parenting as an opportunity for growth which requires extra support from family and community.” “MCC believes that people should make decisions about their own lives…supports the empowerment of individuals to make changes that improve the quality of their lives using a family-centered approach.” “MCC is committed to services that are inclusive….reaching out to the disenfranchised, impoverished, incarcerated, homeless, undocumented, substance using and victims of domestic violence”.

Booth created a vision and an example of how to support childbearing families. It was advocacy through action. MCC carries that torch today. So it is no surprise that many of Booth’s architects, employees, families, and babies are some of MCC’s greatest supporters and champions. And while the connection between Booth and MCC is not surprising, it is sometimes easy to lose sight of why we what we do, particularly when we are faced with so many challenges and unknowns. Because of this, it is especially important to celebrate the spirit of Booth Maternity and it’s enduring impact on MCC.

Vaginal Discharge Early Signs And Symptoms Of Pregnancy

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Thick white vaginal discharge and milky white secretion in pregnancy

Vaginal secretion associated with __pregnancy is usually thick white or milky white, it can also be clear or slightly milky, but rarely if ever is typical __pregnancy secretion red or yellow. It is rarely associated with an infection, especially if it does not smell. Read HERE MORE about this vaginal dicharge and what other causes it could have. 

Normal Vaginal Discharge During Pregnancy

For the first two trimesters, thick, white mucus will often be noticed in the panties. This is called leucorrhea and every pregnant woman will see this vaginal discharge during pregnancy. The leucorrhea will have a slight smell and be visibly noticeable. The pregnant women can wear a maxi pad, pantiliner or disposable underwear if she is concerned about the vaginal discharge.

Tampons and vaginal douche are not recommended during pregnancy. Tampons are not sterile and infection is not something a mom wants to introduce to the unborn fetus or the reproductive system. Douche, as well, can rinse away the healthy bacteria of the vagina that prevent infection. With those bacteria gone, infection can grow quickly and could cause pregnancy complications.

Not so Normal Vaginal Discharge During Pregnancy

There are times when infections do become a part of a woman's pregnancy. These can include vaginal yeast and other infections. The symptoms of a vaginal yeast infection include green or yellow vaginal discharge during pregnancy, itching and foul smell. If a pregnant woman notices any of these changes in vaginal discharge during pregnancy, the obstetrician needs to be notified immediately. Do NOT take matters into your own hands and try to treat the infection with over the counter products unless directed to do so by your Ob / Gyn.

Thick Creamy White Discharge, or Milky White Vaginal Discharge

A thick creamy white milky vaginal discharge may appear frightening to many women. It could also be the first sign of pregnancy. In most cases, this type of discharge is perfectly normal – especially if it’s odorless.  Whether you are pregnant or or not, this vaginal discharge during early pregnancy is common and harmless.

CAUSES OF THICK MILKY WHITE VAGINAL pregnancy DISCHARGE

Thick milky white discharge during early pregnancy is called leukorrhea and exists due to increasing and varying estrogen levels. Estrogen increases blood flow to the pelvic area of the body, which subsequently leads to an increase in mucus discharge.

IMPORTANT FACTS ABOUT VAGINAL DISCHARGE

Vaginal discharge like thick milky white pregnancy discharge is usually normal. Reddish or brown or greenish discharge, especially if it's foul smelling, is usually not normal.

 

When a woman ovulates, vaginal discharge may leak onto her underwear or protective pads. During pregnancy the look of the discharge may be the same, but the volume is much larger. Throughout pregnancy, thick white milky vaginal discharge is common and may even increase as the pregnancy moves into the latter months. Toward the end of the pregnancy, a large amount of white discharge may be passed with a bloody tinge; this is usually the mucus plug releasing from the cervix.

Treatment for Vaginal Discharge

First you need to make sure the discharge you observe is normal. Your doctor is your best source to help you with this. Pads and panty liners are safe for use during pregnancy. No tampons should be used to catch vaginal discharge during pregnancy or after birth for at least the first menstrual cycle.

Some discharge may have a slightly fishy odor which is concerning for women. If the discharge is fishy or foul smelling, it's best to get an examination. Washing the vaginal outside area, the labia, can help curb the scent associated with vaginal discharge. At no point should a pregnant woman use a douche to cleanse the vagina. Further, wipes and vaginal washes often contain perfumes, which can irritate sensitive pregnancy skin. These treatments can also change the pH of the vagina and vaginal area, which can lead to irritation and breakouts. Therefore, wipes and and vaginal washes should not be used.

The process of implantation

Pregnancy begins when the egg is ejected from the ovary during ovulation and then is fertilized by the sperm inside the fallopian tube. This usually happens within 12-24 hours after ovulation. The fertilized egg then travels down towards the uterus, increasing in size and cells along the way. Right after fertilization, when there is only one cell, it's called a "zygote", and as it divides it becomes first a "blastomere" until it reaches about 30 cells, and about 5 days later, shortly before implantation, it's called a "blastocyst". Only after implantation is the pregnancy hormone hCG excreted into the blood. Only when hCG is present in the blood stream can typical pregenancy symptoms like vaginal discharge appear.

When do pregnancy symptoms appear?

Small amounts of hCG, the pregnancy hormone, enter the blood stream several days after implantation, about 8-10 days after ovulation and before a missed period. Therefore, most symptoms do not typically appear until the hCG has reached sufficient levels, about 1-2 weeks after you miss your period (3-4 weeks after ovulation, or 2-3 weeks after implantation). Though these may suggest that a woman is pregnant, a positive pregnancy test is needed to confirm a pregnancy.

Vaginal secretions and discharge as sign and symptom of early pregnancy

Thick or milky white vaginal discharge or secretion in early pregnancy, usually around the time of a missed menstrual period, is often among the first typical early pregnancy symptoms.  Women commonly notice an increase in vaginal discharge, especially if an early pregnancy is likely.The other typical early pregnancy signs and symptoms are nausea and tiredness and missing a menstrual period. 

Most women are not aware that vaginal discharge, especially if it's thick and milky white, can be among the first signs and symptoms of pregnancy. This is because the changing hormones of pregnancy can stimulate the vagina to increase production of this vaginal secretion. 


Not every woman experiences this type of vaginal secretion in early pregnancy, however, so not seeing the white, milky secretion does not mean that you are not pregnant.

Vaginal secretion as sign of ovulation and fertility

Vaginal secrtion can also be observed as an indicator of ovulation. Leading up to ovulation, cervical mucus becomes rubbery in texture and will stretch between two fingers. This is known as egg-white cervical mucus or EWCM. The thick, sticky nature of this fertile cervical mucus holds onto semen and helps sperm travel safely through the vagina to the egg.

Third trimester vaginal discharge during pregnancy

It is during the third trimester that women often notice their vaginal discharge a bit more. This is not because of a change necessarily, but because of the impending shedding of the mucus plug. This plug is a stopper of sorts for the cervix and when it is released that could signal the last phase of pregnancy before birth.

Many women never notice the shedding of the mucus plug, but may see spotting, bloody discharge of tinted vaginal discharge during pregnancy after the plug has shed. These are all important changes to report to your attending physician.

Safe Sex During Pregnancy

It is exceptionally important to practice safe sex during pregnancy. Vaginal discharge during pregnancy can be a symptom of an STD. While not all STDs are passed on to baby, some of the most severe, HIV included, will pass on.

Vaginal discharge during pregnancy is common and all women will have to deal with the affects at some point during the pregnancy. It is important to remember four very important tips.

• Do not use a tampon
• Do not douche
• Practice safe sex
• Report all changes in vaginal discharge to the Ob / Gyn

With these tips in hand, rest assured the pregnancy will go off without a hitch from the vaginal discharge during pregnancy. After birth, the 4 to 6 weeks of menstruation will clean out the uterus and all vaginal discharge should return to normal.

Stay-At-Home Dad Leaves Hilarious Post-It Notes Around the House for His Wife to Find

“Stay-At-Home Dad Leaves Hilarious Post-It Notes Around the House for His Wife to Find” originally appeared on ABC News, and was reprinted with permission.

Image source: Chris Illuminati

A stay-at-home father of two found a way of letting his wife know exactly what happened while she was at work: Post-it notes.

Chris Illuminati began posting photos of the handwritten notes — which detail the funny, heartwarming and painful moments of his days caring for the family’s two children — on social media. And he’s now getting tons of attention online for his quips.

One Post-it that he stuck to the bottom of a bed reads, “The kid thought there was a monster under his bed. I told him monsters are very quiet before eating a child and it’s probably just a [burglar].”

Happy Easter!! #family #shootme

A post shared by Message with a Bottle (@messagewithabottle) on Apr 16, 2017 at 10:34am PDT

Illuminati, 39, has a son, 7-year-old Evan, and daughter, 4-year-old Lila, with his wife of nine years, Libby Illuminati. Chris Illuminati decided to quit his job at a content editor for a group of newspapers in Pennsylvania when their first child was born in 2010.

“We realized how ridiculously expensive day care is, and I said, ‘Why not do it myself, and I can still write on the side?'” he said of his decision.

Soon he got into the habit of using Post-it notes to remind him of easy tasks and leaving them around the house to make his wife laugh. An early note read, “Don’t forget to feed the baby.”

Image source: Chris Illuminati

Seven years later, Illuminati uses the Post-it jokes to foster a parenting community on his website, Message With a Bottle.

“We tend to forget as __parents that we’re going through something in the moment that 5 million other __parents did too,” he explained. “It’s kind of like we all share in each other’s pain, misery, joy — there’s just a familiarity to it.”

And yes, his wife still finds the notes funny.

“She’s always been one of my biggest supporters,” he said.

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Mom’s Brilliant Diaper Bag Hack Has the Internet Bowing at Her Feet

YOU GUYS — have I got some amazing news for you. An absolutely brilliant mom has created the ultimate diaper bag hack that has the Internet buzzing, but has me practically crying tears of joy. I have two small kids and a baby on the way, and so the real estate in my diaper bag is what you might call … extremely precious.

Enter, California mom Elizabeth Burchiel, an artist who runs the Facebook page Painted Dragon. Recently, she took a few common items and combined them in such a way that the modern diaper bag is now a darn miracle of space. By strapping diaper wipes to the top of an empty plastic wipes container — with a headband she found at the Dollar Tree — she was able to create instant space inside for a quick change of clothes, a plastic bag for dirty diapers, and a changing pad for her baby.

Genius, huh?

Parents with babies and small kids everywhere will tell you that one of the most vexing problems you can have is when you need something PRONTO — like a clean diaper to change a blowout or some butt paste because your baby is shrieking over a chapped hiney-ho — and are unable to find things, because diaper bags are typically a disorganized mess of stuff.

Diaper bags have a way of collecting total garbage, from wrappers and receipts to junk mail and empty water bottles, so that by the end of the day they end up being receptacles for more than just cute onesies and baby sunscreen. Not only that, but they tend to be deep and wide and filled with so many pockets that it’s easy to lose sight of things, like DIAPERS for example.

According to Burchiel, the diaper bag hack “accidentally evolved.”

“I liked the box the wipes came in, but didn’t really need it at home any more because I had gotten a wipe warmer as a gift,” she tells Babble. “So the box just got set aside. I use a cloth grocery bag for my diaper bag because, well, I really like it and its frickin’ cute. But it’s just a bag with a couple small pockets and a snap to hold it mostly together, so everything is just in there.”

As you might imaging, Burchiel got pretty damn frustrated one day while digging through for diapers and wipes one day, so she grabbed the box and shoved them both in there. That’s when she realized that even with five small diapers in there, she still had a little extra room. That’s when she tossed a little outfit in, and made it the ultimate “blow-out” solution.

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“Tying the wipes to the lid actually took a little longer to happen,” she explains, “but I was rummaging through my bathroom and found a headband and just put two and two together. [I later made improvements] to have it so it’s not seen after and now I’ve tossed in a roll of doggie bags after seeing all the suggestions for plastic bags for disposal and what not.”

Amazing.

This quick, grabbable solution is perfect for tossing in your stroller or leaving in your car for moments you’re on the go. Even keeping one on hand in the bathroom is pretty ideal. Heck, I might even create one just for me. I’ll stick some maxi pads, some make up, facial wipes, SPF, and a pair sunglasses, a few dollars in cash, and lip gloss in mine.

Burchiel, who says she’s “a minimalist at heart,” has found the diaper bag hack to be great for pretty much every scenario. “I just toss it in the bag with a few blankets and my ring sling and I’m good to go!” she says.

Moms and dads are forever coming up with genius hacks to solve modern parenting problems. Remember that dad who turned a See ‘n Say into a brilliant way to answer the “what’s for dinner?” debate? Or that amazingly smart babysitter who tucked a baby down her shorts so that she could make a sandwich without worrying about the kiddo getting into trouble? Parenting brings out ingenuity like nothing else.

For __parents everywhere, this simple combination of a hair tie, an empty container, and baby essentials is well worth copying. Here’s to hoping that this mama patents the idea and makes a gazillion dollars on it. It’s THAT life-changing!

New York State Will Now Cover Donor Breast Milk for Preemies of Low-Income Families

All babies are born vulnerable and in need of some TLC, but premature babies face more adversity right from the start. Besides their increased likelihood of developing respiratory and cardiovascular issues, jaundice, and anemia, preemies are also more vulnerable to a serious disease called Necrotizing enterocolitis (NEC).

NEC can wreck a tiny baby’s intestines, leading to inflammation, swelling, problems with food absorption, and even death. And with preemies at a far greater risk of contracting NEC than full-term babies, countless resources and tens of thousands of dollars are spent each year in an effort to protect them from the terrible disease.

But do you know what the No. 1 thing is that helps prevent babies from contracting NEC in the first place? It’s breast milk.

While breast milk is beneficial for all babies (especially in their first few months of life), experts say it’s particularly instrumental in keeping preemies safe. Many premature babies aren’t physically able to breastfeed at first, which is why pumped breast milk becomes the most viable option. At the same time, not all moms are able to pump a full supply of breast milk for their infants. And this can be especially hard for preemie moms, who are already busy dealing with complicated medical stuff and a variety of emotions, plus shuttling back and forth between the hospital and their home.

As a result, many preemie moms find their milk supplies greatly impacted, and are unable to produce enough milk for their babies. But that doesn’t mean that their babies don’t need or deserve the breast milk.

And that’s where milk banks come in. There are several of these amazing places around the country, all of which take donations of breast milk, pasteurize it so it’s safe for babies, and then deliver it to babies in need (most often premature infants).

Just a few months ago, New York Milk Bank made headlines for its unique delivery system: They’ve enlisted the help of an all-female (and totally badass) motorcycle crew, who volunteer to hand-deliver donated breast milk to babies all across the New York metropolitan area.

And now, the good people at New York Milk Bank have some other fantastic news to celebrate: New York just passed a provision in its budget that will ensure the coverage of donor milk for low-income mothers. (Woohoo!)

New York joins five other states in this newly-passed provision, including California, Kansas, Missouri, Texas, and Utah. But it took some effort to get the Empire state on board. In fact, the New York Milk Bank was part of a long-standing campaign to push the provision through.

In a Facebook post shared April 12, the New York Milk Bank wrote:

“Special thanks to our Executive Board members who advocated long and hard for their fellow New Yorkers and to our amazing supporters who work with premature infants across New York State and know first hand the benefits of using donor milk in the NICU.”

Julie Bouchet-Horwitz, the executive director of The New York Milk Bank, tells Public News Service that at about $4.50 an ounce, is costs roughly $3,200 to supply enough donor breast milk for one preemie baby.

‘For every six babies that you treat with donor milk, you save one incidence of NEC … ‘

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On the other hand, treating a baby for NEC can cost a whopping $350,000. So breastmilk coverage would definitely be advantageous to everyone involved.

“For every six babies that you treat with donor milk, you save one incidence of NEC,” Bouchet-Horwitz tells Public News Service. “So it’s definitely cost effective for them to prevent this disease.”

The New York Milk Bank is currently the only milk bank in New York state. About 3,330 premature babies are born in the New York area each year, and with the expanded insurance coverage, the bank could see a huge increase in their demand for donated milk.

Although the milk bank just opened its doors last September, Bouchet-Horwitz tells Public News Service that they are absolutely prepared for this increase in demand.

“We knew that about 200,000 ounces would be needed to feed these babies,” she added. “We planned to meet that need and have everything in place for when this happened so that’s what we prepared for.”

How amazing is that? And think of all the incredible moms who went out of their way to pump and donate their milk for these babies in need.

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According to Public News Service, the New York state coverage is currently limited to the mothers who receive their insurance through Medicaid. Other insurance companies do sometimes cover donor milk for preemies, but it is mostly on a case-by-case basis. However, Bouchet-Horwitz hopes this move by New York will spur more insurance companies to follow suit.

“We’re hoping that this will infiltrate down to the public in general the importance of human milk and how species-specific it is, what a specialized food it is and first food for all babies,” she explains to Public News Service.

Yes! Let’s hope more insurance companies (and more states!) begin to offer this coverage. All babies deserve the best start to life, and our most vulnerable babies deserve the awesome extra protection that breastmilk can provide them.

If you would like to find a breast milk donation center in your area, visit the Human Milk Banking Association of America to learn more.

High School Wrestling Captain Comes Out to Team, Inspires Them to Change Locker Room Talk

Image source: Liam Ball

One Washington teen has taken powerful action to change his high school’s “locker room talk” for the better.

18-year-old Liam Ball is Meadowdale High School’s wrestling captain and vice president of the student body. After hearing countless homophobic conversations in his locker room, he knew he had to speak up. So Liam, a gay teenager, came out to his entire wrestling team.

This wasn’t the first time Liam officially came out. He revealed that he was gay to close friends and family when he was a freshman. And while his loved ones were accepting and open, Liam felt concerned about the rest of his school knowing.

“It was the most stressful time of my life. Dealing with the pressure of fitting in, being a leader, and keeping up with my school work,” Liam tells Babble.

Image source: Liam Ball

Despite his worries, Liam knew that publicly sharing his sexual identity with his team would be the right thing to do. He felt especially compelled after seeing the negative impact the 2016 election had on his classmates.

“When I decided to tell them, it was after the election of Donald Trump,” says Liam. “I had noticed a shift in my school’s dynamic and the way people were treating each other, not just in the wrestling room but around the school.”

Liam chose a meeting in the wrestling mat room to make the announcement to his 30 teammates. For Liam, the talk was intended to go deeper than his own experience — it was about removing hateful language from his locker room, along with teaching acceptance and understanding to his peers.

“I didn’t just make me coming out to them all about me,” Liam remembers. “I was trying to teach the younger wrestlers a life lesson about the importance of respecting and accepting one another.”

Image source: Liam Ball

Liam’s talk with his team eliminated the negative “locker room talk” almost immediately. In an article featuring Liam in OutSports, he says, “A lot of kids had my back after I had the conversation with them, which was nice. I grew with my team, and we had a much better connection after it happened.”

Liam credits his wrestling coach Brian Boardman for supporting him in his decision to talk to the team, telling OutSports, “He was nothing but supportive. He’s an amazing person. He thought it was a great idea to continue to be captain, set an example and be a role model.”

Liam’s coach is equally in awe of his prized wrestler. Boardman shared in an article about Liam for Seattle Times, “Liam is a great wrestler, but that might not be the best thing about him. He has so much to offer than just that. He’s a kid that could change the world — he’s got that ability.”

Image source: Liam Ball

Liam hopes his example will help his school embrace anyone who is different and use that acceptance to stop any hatred they see around them. He is also more than happy to be a role model for young gay athletes everywhere.

“I think representation is the most powerful tool that can be used fight bigotry. I needed to familiarize my team and other people that there are gay wrestlers and gay athletes out there, and also that words in the locker room may have no effect on you, but could destroy another’s world,” Liam tells Babble.

For those LGBTQ youth who are struggling to come out to their own communities, Liam offers encouragement. “I know it is scary to come out, but the best way to do it is with confidence. ‘Yeah, this is who I am, and it can’t be changed.’”

Liam is leaving the wrestling mat behind when he goes to the University of Washington in the fall, but that won’t stop him from making a huge impact in his next field. He plans to study Political Science at UW and may even study law after that. Wherever his path takes him, Liam knows one thing for sure: he wants to take the powerful experience he had with his team and make a positive impact on the world.

What an incredible young person! Liam can inspire us all to serve as an example in modeling kind and respectful behavior toward others.

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We Are the Mothers Who Have Always Mothered

Image source: Thinkstock

There are a lot of us out there.

You may spot us by how others describe us: the “old souls” or the “responsible” ones. You may know us as the girls who always got the good grades, the ones who did our homework and collected our gold stars, even as we grew indifferent to their accumulation.

We were the ones dubbed “little mothers.” The girls who tucked our baby dolls into bed. The ones who took on the responsibility of mothering little ones for adults at family gatherings and holiday parties as they watched from a distance and cracked open a beer.

We are the mothers who have always mothered.

Maybe you were born the oldest daughter with the natural birth-given role of leading the flock that followed. Maybe you grew up never realizing that not every girl is expected to hold her sister’s hand, change diapers, and take on chores. Maybe that’s just the way it was. Eldest daughters are known to be the most successful, ambitious, and intelligent of the bunch. And we know this to be true because we didn’t always have a choice.

In a way, we’re the forgotten ones. We’re the ones who never needed much.

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Maybe you’re not the oldest. Maybe you fell into mothering out of chance, a stroke of bad luck, a loss, or life circumstance that forced you to step into a role you weren’t ready to take on. Maybe you learned early on how to do what so many still cannot — juggle the cooking and cleaning and child-rearing with a baby on your hip, while you were still a baby yourself.

In some ways, you are grateful because it shaped who you are today: the responsible one, the one who recognizes danger, the one who swiftly intervenes before a small child impales herself on a stick no one else sees.

We are the mothers who have always mothered.

In families, there are middle children, lovable babies, inbetweeners, only children, beloved sons, the goofy screw-up who always seems to scrape by somehow, black sheep, and outcasts. But as for us? In a way, we’re the forgotten ones.

We’re the ones who never needed much. We slipped by, integral but unnoticed, steadfast and sturdy, responsible and respectful. “We never had to worry about you,” our __parents might say and we would smile, knowing how heartbreakingly true that was.

We are the mothers who have always mothered.

And once we became mothers of our own, we slipped naturally into the roles — the hand-holding and the diaper changing, the shushing and the comforting, the schedules and the responsibilities that were second nature to us. “We never wanted that crazy lifestyle,” we will say. We were never much for late nights anyways because we’ve always been mothers at heart.

We never learned to be carefree, and sometimes, we wonder if we’ve ever truly been free.

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Others will nod their heads at us, never noticing the transition from little mother to actual mother as the natural path of our lives unfold. Of course we would become mothers. Of course we would remember to have our children take their vitamins, brush their teeth, and go to bed on time. Of course we would leave the party early, cook a healthy meal, drive the minivan, and research the schools.

Of course we would. We’ve always been the responsible ones. But they? They don’t know how we do it.

We do it because we’ve always done it. We don’t know another way to live where we aren’t expected to be the responsible one. We never learned to be carefree, and sometimes, we wonder if we’ve ever truly been free.

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And maybe it will hit us someday. Maybe while we’re folding laundry and our to-do list is flitting through our mind and we have to remember to pick up the birthday present and do the shopping and schedule the check-up, we’ll wonder if any of it was ever true. We will see the carefree and feel a pang when yet another person comments how we never relax, chides us to “live a little,” or just looks right past us the way they always have because we’re invisible.

Are we the mothers who have always mothered? Or are we the mothers who never had a chance to do anything else?