MCC Congratulates Tom Wolf

MCC Congratulates Tom Wolf

We  congratulate Tom Wolf on winning Pennsylvania’s gubernatorial race. We hope this election will usher in a new era of much needed progress on maternal and child health in Pennsylvania. We look forward to working with Mr. Wolf’s team and state lawmakers to promote legislation related to early childhood development, workplace support for breastfeeding mothers, access to the new health care marketplace, support for women before, during, and after pregnancy and ensuring a fair, livable wage for working Pennsylvanians.

For 35 years, MCC has dedicated itself to improving maternal and child health and wellbeing through the collaborative efforts of individuals, families, providers and communities. We focus our efforts on neighborhoods with high rates of poverty, infant mortality, health disparities, and changing immigration patterns. We submit the following call to action to Governor-elect Tom Wolf:

· Work with state legislators to pass the Pennsylvania Pregnant Workers Fairness Act (HB 1892 and SB 1209), introduced by Rep. Mark Painter (D-Montgomery), which would require certain employers to make reasonable accommodations related to pregnancy, childbirth or related medical conditions.

· Work with state legislators to pass the Workplace Accommodations for Nursing Mothers Act (HB 1895), introduced by Rep. Mary Jo Daley (D-Montgomery), which would require employers to provide break time and a private, sanitary space for employees who need to express breast milk.

· Support U.S. Senator Casey (D-PA) in his efforts to pass the federal Pregnant Workers Fairness Act.

• Raise PA’s minimum wage to $10.10/hour, indexed to inflation, from the current federal level of $7.25/hour

· Work with state legislators to pass pay-equity legislation.

· Replace Corbett’s Healthy PA plan with a full expansion of Medicaid under the 2010 federal health care reform law.

· Support legislation related to the earliest years of childhood development (ages 0-3). Research shows that a child’s first years of life are critical in ensuring healthy mental, social, and physical growth needed for preschool and a lifetime of learning and wellbeing.

MCC is optimistic that Governor-elect Wolf will transform Pennsylvania into a national leader on maternal and child health matters. Pennsylvania can no longer afford to overlook women as leaders at home and in the workplace, as caregivers, educators, influencers, and economic contributors. We look forward to contributing our knowledge and energy to Mr. Wolf’s efforts to improve the lives of each and every Pennsylvanian. ​

Feminism Means Giving Our Daughters Choices … Even If They Choose Barbie

I’ve gone on record with the fact that I hate Barbie. I just do. I hate her big ta-tas, tiny waist, cornsilk hair, perpetually wide, blue eyes and feet stuck at optimum high heel tippy-toe.

Blech. Yeah, yeah, there’s Skipper and the token Barbie Dolls of the World but Mattel ain’t foolin’ me. Barbie is an icon, a ubiquitous term for the blonde, big-boobed bimbo, giving youngsters everywhere an unreal, nearly pornographic notion of beauty.

That said, if my kid was into Barbie then I’d get a Barbie. I’m an involved enough parent that I’d make damn sure she knows it’s a toy and toys are created to be outlandish. My point is this: I want my child to explore her personality on her own. Certainly I can offer guidance, but I’m not going to attempt to create an entirely different person if her natural inclination is in another direction. It’s my job to assess her inherent tendencies and encourage those, not completely revamp her personality.

That’s why an article on The New York Times’ Motherlode called “Turn Your Princess-Obsessed Toddler Into a Feminist in 8 Easy Steps” rubs me the wrong way. The title alone suggests we are in control of our children’s personalities but anybody who has raised kids knows perfectly well that their little personalities are there long before we start screwing them up.

The article offers such gems as “Wonder aloud, what with Cinderella’s history as a cleaner, if she and Prince Charming are likely to share the division of labor in their home” and “Chuckle about the patriarchal shenanigans of King Triton. Before the laughter subsides, ask why, in fact, everyone was so threatened by the idea of Ursula the sea witch becoming ruler, when it’s clear that she was extremely capable.”

Patriarchal shenanigans? Really? Can we not just enjoy a classic fairy tale without someone trying to recast the mold? Wait, I’m not done yet. “Praise Belle for her love of reading, but segue into a discussion about the Stockholm syndrome as it relates to women, and how that might shed insight into the phenomenon of women who stay in toxic relationships.”

A discussion about the Stockholm syndrome? Women have fought so hard for equality we’ve kind of lost the plot going in the other direction. Feminism, at its core, is the idea that we now have a choice. It doesn’t mean we mock those women who love princesses and girly things and aspire to be barefoot and pregnant after marrying the man of their dreams, it means we are thrilled that they have the choice to do that while we have that option as well as the option to run a Fortune 500 company if we want to.

CHOICE. NOT HATRED OF ALL FEMININE THINGS.

If your kid likes princesses, let her like princesses. If your kid is a tomboy, let her be a tomboy. Isn’t it possible to raise kids with a nice mix of everything that’s out there and see what they gravitate to as opposed to pushing them in one direction or another? Let your kid be who they’re going to be without trying to dictate their personality. Work on their knowledge of right and wrong and their sense of responsibility to humanity, if you want to try and shape something. And yeah, sure, teach them about feminism and how hard so many women have worked to get us where we are now but it doesn’t mean that’s what every woman needs to aspire to do, it simply means we now have options where we didn’t before.

If the idea of Cinderella and Prince Charming not dividing the labor equally in their home still chaps your hide, realize that we all spend far too much time over-analyzing toys/books/movies and fearing messages kids probably aren’t even getting from them. As my fierce editor, Amy Stanford sagely notes, “I had The Little Mermaid on repeat for much of my childhood and played with Barbies every day … and then I studied Women’s Studies in college. To each, her own.”

Image source: Flickr

The importance of name meanings

The happiest day for a couple after getting married is supposed to be the day when they are blessed with a new member in their lives, the Baby. Every year more than 120 millions babies are born on the earth. Different religions, different cultures and different places are the factors which mark the differences in the newborns. No matter what culture people across the globe follow, the process of giving the name to the baby is followed everywhere. All the preliterate people emphasize way much while naming their young ones of the family. A lot of people believe in giving meaningful names to the babies as they believe it brings good luck and fortunes to them in future. No matter were it the early days or in the recent times, Name Meanings are given huge importance.

 

 

Name is just not a collaboration of letters put together to form a word, but name actually is considered to be as the definition of the person. Success and happiness in the coming life is considered to be thriving upon the kind of a name given to a young one. A name with a proper meaning is not just considered as good luck, but also it changes the fortune stars. Name Meanings have a close connection to the planets as well. People believe that the planets of fortune and misfortune revolve around your names. So everyone should be very selective and careful while naming their beloved children. Most of the people don’t really emphasize on the meanings of the names and the effect it may cause on the lives while naming their newborns. But studies and our ancestors tell us that we should always know about the meanings the psychological, ethnic and religious aspects of our names.

 

We live in a world where celebrities are the only ideals of our lives, from film stars to the favorite soccer players, from models to other super heroes. Many of the people christen their children with their favorite celebrity names without even knowing the meanings of those names. One needs to know that one person’s food can be another one’s poison. You assess your kid with a name just once and that should be done after taking all necessary measures. Copying famous names is no crime, but for the sake of your own infants, going through the Name Meanings is a must.

 

To make sure the name is easily pronounceable; the explicitness should not turn into an unpleasant form. Also, falling in tradition completely isn’t a good way either, all the holy names may not be that favorable for the kid. Rather using names those commemorates events or define a subject may fall much suitable for the baby. The way a name with a good meaning describes the uniqueness and gives a personal identity to an individual is the reason why we go through various names responsibly while assessing our young ones with the best name that we can come up with.

I’m Mormon and Still Appreciate Pope Francis’ Take on Evolution

Pope Francis is an inspiring man. I’m not Catholic, in fact I’m a Mormon, but I loved his comments on modesty and was moved by the example of compassion he has shown through many acts of kindness. There are so many people these days famous for, shall we say, not being great examples, so when I see a man like this consistently in the news for doing good, I take note.

And now he’s made a statement that simply reconciles the sometimes tricky relationship between believing in God and accepting scientific discoveries about how the world came to be. Pope Francis said:

“The Big Bang, which today we hold to be the origin of the world, does not contradict the intervention of the divine creator but, rather, requires it. Evolution in nature is not inconsistent with the notion of creation, because evolution requires the creation of beings that evolve.”

As a Mormon kid, I remember learning in Sunday school that God created the world in six days (resting on the seventh, naturally). Of course I learned about the Big Bang theory and evolution in school and it wasn’t hard for me to reconcile these ideas, but some more fundamentalist religions reject certain scientific principles that are in conflict with their faith (as it is their prerogative to do!). But I think it’s great that the Pope simply goes about living his religion and stating his beliefs, even when he is breaking from tradition and the topic is somewhat fraught.

The Pope’s stance on creation doesn’t pick sides in the religion vs. science debate. He explains that belief in God and belief in evolution need not be mutually exclusive. He’s basically stating that there’s no need for a Christian to explain away or ignore scientific facts. Like the Pope said, the Big Bang theory works with a divine creator and, from his perspective, even requires it. I think it’s much easier to teach children that God used science as a means to create the world than to teach them from an all-or-nothing approach. They will most likely learn about evolution and the Big Bang theory at school. When they come home, excited about this new knowledge, it is our job as parents to put it into a larger context that jibes with our belief system, just like the Pope has done.

In addition to his simple, clear teaching style that doesn’t ignore the facts on either side, Pope Francis engages opposing views in a positive, non-confrontational manner. Former Pope Benedict was a proponent of intelligent design; Pope Francis goes a different direction yet he still treats his predecessor with respect even though their views differ. He says,“Knowledge, wisdom and prayer enlarged his heart and his spirit. Let us thank God for the gift that he gave the church and the world with the existence and the pontificate of Pope Benedict.”

I don’t know if you’ve been on Facebook lately, but you don’t have to look very hard to find examples of people who disagree about major issues of science and religion much less graciously than the Pope. So while I appreciate the wisdom of the Pope and his views about how belief and science can jibe beautifully, I also appreciate the way he respectfully disagrees and changes course from his predecessor with compliments and civility all around. I hope I can take his teaching style and the way he interacts with others as I work with my family and teach them how to navigate this world and get along with people who might have different beliefs from us.

Photo courtesy of PCN Photos

They Called Me “Husky”

By the time I showed up for eighth grade, I was a visual catastrophe.

I had a set of those prehistoric early 80’s chain-link braces slammed across my buck teeth and this one zit that rebooted over and over again on my chin. And then, to top it all off, I was overweight. Not a hundred pounds overweight or anything like that, but I was big enough to know that I was big enough to be considered chubby.

“You’re big-boned, hon,” my mom told me. “Some people just have big thick skeletons.”

Ugh. What a crock of hot-buttered crap.

“Big-boned?”

Who says that?

I knew darn well what she meant though — and I knew she was right. We shopped in the “husky” section of Kmart. The sign literally read: “Boys — Husky.”

God, how it all just sucked.

Growing up is hard enough without the extra added bonus of being heavy, but if you’ve never been there then you wouldn’t really know.

And therein lies the twist, because funny as it may seem, after all this time of living with the feeling that I’m not good enough/fit enough/sexy enough/handsome enough/desirable enough/or just plain cool enough, I have finally come to terms with the fact that I’m actually not all that gross, and that I’m probably not the worst catch in the whole damn sea.

It’s pretty wild, I guess, but lately, now that I’m a single dad about to turn 43, I’ve come to realize that growing up “big-boned” actually taught me a thing or two worth knowing.

***

The worst part of being a certain kind of kid, of being heavy or buck-toothed or super tall or whatever, is how hard you end up being on yourself. Kids shouldn’t have to think weird stuff about themselves. It’s tragically unfair but it happens more often than a lot of parents probably ever realize. Which is why understanding that is probably the coolest brick that ever hit me in my thick head.

When I was entering my teenage years, no one bullied me or taunted me for my weight. Heck, no one even really bothered with me much at all. Oh, I had a set of good friends and we did stuff together and had fun outside of school, but in my everyday school life, I still felt really different from everyone else. Perhaps it was some kind of deficiency in my personal mindset but the truth is that being a bit heavier than some kids made me feel A LOT heavier than everyone.

Over time, that feeling of alienation gradually took over all my thoughts, to the point where it began to gnaw viciously at my self-confidence. And even though I wasn’t morbidly obese or anything, I knew I was husky. And when you’re young and not sure of much, that can be more than enough.

What’s most important to note here, and for parents like myself to understand, is this particular uncomfortable reality: even though I wasn’t all that different from most of the kids in my grade, I came to feel like I truly was.

And no one knew a damn thing about it, so no one ever tried to stop me.

Gradually, year after year, grade after grade, I shied away from even thinking about things like dating. I convinced myself that I was ugly and odd. I was sure that no pretty girl would ever want to hold my hand at the ice skating rink or call me up on a Tuesday night.

I consider myself a pretty sharp dude, and even back in school I was somewhat certain that I was at least a little brighter than a bunch of the other kids. But somehow, any smarts I possessed at 15 or 16 were canceled out by this booming voice inside of me that never shut up.

“Dude, why are you laughing at that kid’s joke?! The whole lunchroom is watching you and you’re freaking them out! Stop flirting with joy, Fat Boy!’

Obviously, it was kind of a nightmare.

Looking back now, I’m almost ashamed to admit it, but I think I really did myself a world of lasting damage. I was a pretty cool, young kid whose slight weight problem grabbed him by the brain and never let go.

Until now.

***

When you love someone like you do your own child, suddenly you are throat-punched by what love is supposed to be. No romance or wild sex can ever bring you there. No Parisian love affair can give you a taste, even though you might think it can. There are a trillion ways to feel love for another person, but there’s only one way that ranks at the indisputable top. That’s the love a parent has for their child. And so, raking all of that kid love in over the past five years, and especially over the last year, when exploding marriage guts got all up in my eyes and hurt occupied every corner of my being, I started thinking about myself. I started thinking about who I had become as a man, and about how I wish I could have maybe loved my own teenage self a long, long time ago.

That would have been cool. Love: Unabashed. Unfiltered. Love without consequence. Love without conditions. Kids are rarely that mindful though.

Moreover, I understand that things sometimes happen for vague reasons, even if they’re not exactly “meant to be” or whatever. It seems as if there is still some room for me to believe that certain trials we live through in this world really do make us better and stronger and more awesome down the line. I really do think that’s what happened to me. I think I went semi-crazy as a young buck because I wanted so badly to be so many things that I wasn’t instead of letting myself ever enjoy being who I was. That lasted a long time. Too long, to be honest.

And I can’t be that way anymore. I’ve hurt myself enough. I really have. What’s the point of punching yourself in the face, you know? Maybe I owe myself a better shot at just being a happy person for a little while.

These days, whenever I see an overweight kid passing me in WalMart or walking towards the buses outside my daughter’s school, I don’t think about how his mom should be watching what she feeds him or any of that useless crap. That’s none of my business. Instead, I grin a little bit and take a second to root like hell for the kid.

I mean, look, after so many years of self-inflicted blues, I’m coming out the other side. And that’s something to root for.

Image courtesy of Serge Bielanko

You can also find Serge on his personal blog, Thunder Pie. And on Facebook and Twitter

More on Babble:

I Spent Two Hours Living Like My Toddler (and It Was Epic)

Why You Should Kiss Your Kids

What it Really Means to be a Little Girls’ Daddy

This Single Parent Guilt is Eating Me Alive

My Kids’ Idea of Self-Expression Looks a Lot Like a Mistake to Me

“Look at that guy,” my son whispered to me as we passed a heavily tattooed man with enormous gauges in his ears, piercings on his lips, nose, and eyebrows, and a blue Mohawk. Part of me wanted to respond with, “Wow! What a freak show!” But the mechanism in my brain that keeps me from blurting out things or swearing at bad drivers in front of my kids responded nonchalantly, “Yep, that sure is some blue hair, huh?”

I don’t want my kids judging people based on their looks (or anything, really). I think I’ve done a pretty good job of instilling the “It’s What’s on the Inside That Matters” lesson. When my kids were young and they innocently asked blunt questions about the people around us, I always tried to explain that we’re all made differently. We each have our own characteristics that make us unique. I always tried to maintain a low-key attitude of indifference when it came to people who looked remarkably different from the norm, whether by choice (tattooed face) or by circumstance (missing a limb).

I’ve also always given my kids plenty of freedom when it comes to self-expression. My oldest son sported a Mohawk when he was in the 4th grade. My youngest daughter wore bright pink cowboy boots every single day for a good year. My oldest daughter and my youngest son both bleached their hair. A couple of my daughters dyed half their hair pink. It never bothered me when they experimented with different hairstyles, makeup, or clothing because I knew they were trying to find themselves and their own unique style. Besides, hair, clothing, and makeup are all temporary things. Hair grows and you can always change your clothes. No big deal.

But what happens when that child grows up and suddenly they’re the “freak show” that the little kids whisper about? How do you react when their self-expression includes permanent alterations like tattoos and gauges in their ears? That’s where I am right now. My oldest son has a variety of piercings, including big ole holes in his ear lobes. I don’t understand this. I don’t get the attraction of being able to stick a pencil through your ear lobes. Why? Why??? I hate them. My oldest daughter has a big ole tattoo on her shoulder. It’s pretty, but it’s huge. My kids are 18 and almost 20 so they don’t need my permission to do these things. I wish I had control over this. It stinks watching your kids grow up and having to let go so they can make their own mistakes decisions.

I can’t help but  wonder if they are slamming doors on future job possibilities. Sure, they’re old enough to not need parental permission, but are they old enough to make smart decisions? Decisions that will last a lifetime. Decisions that could potentially cost them a job, or even a career in the future. I’m having a hard time getting them to understand the ramifications of permanently altering their bodies and it makes me worry that the only job they’ll be able to get is as a tattoo artist or a carny. I got a tattoo when I was 18 and knew everything. I regret it now. It’s a fish. It’s an ugly fish with no significance. But there was no reasoning with me back then, just as there is no reasoning with my kids now.

Another part of me knows that the way they look on the outside isn’t important. What’s inside is what I should be concerned with. Who cares if they cover themselves with piercings and tattoos, right? As long as they’re good, compassionate, moral people, who cares what they look like? This is the lesson I’ve always strived to instill in my children. I can’t expect them to accept others no matter how they look if I can’t do the same thing myself. But why is it so hard when it’s your own kids? I guess I’ll just keep trying to bite my tongue every time I see the big holes in my son’s ears, and I’ll focus on the fact that, in the whole scheme of things, tattoos and piercings are really not what’s important. And maybe I’ll give them a hand by checking out want ads for carnies.

Image courtesy of ThinkStock

More on Babble:

Why I let my daughter dye her hair blue

The case for letting your kids fail

How I let go of perfectionism for the sake of my kids

What Our President Doesn’t Get About Stay-at-Home Moms

On Friday, President Obama gave a speech on women, families, and the economy at Rhode Island College — and proceeded to put his foot in his mouth with a controversial statement directed towards stay-at-home moms: 

“And too often, parents have no choice but to put their kids in cheaper daycare that maybe doesn’t have the kinds of programming that makes a big difference in a child’s development.  And sometimes there may just not be any slots, or the best programs may be too far away.  And sometimes, someone, usually mom, leaves the workplace to stay home with the kids, which then leaves her earning a lower wage for the rest of her life as a result.  And that’s not a choice we want Americans to make.” 

OK, I think we can all safely agree that the President is badly in need of a new speech writer.

And while I am thoroughly horrified that the man whose views shape the policies that make up our nation doesn’t seem to understand that some parents — gasp! — value raising their own children, I am also going to go ahead and ask that we all calm the heck down about Obama’s latest slip-of-the-tongue.

I really don’t think he meant to insult stay-at-home moms. I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he was actually trying to come up with a solution for inadequate daycare for low-wage working mothers – a large percentage of working mothers — and stay-at-home mothers living in poverty without a lot of other options — also the majority.

Of course, he went about it all wrong and he’s focusing on the wrong things — we don’t need to shove a bunch of three and four-year-olds in standardized schooling just because daycare is too expensive and more and more parents need to work longer hours just to make a living. We definitely need to make America more family-friendly and give parents real choices for family-career flexibility as well as not punish mothers who opt out of the paid workforce with lower lifetime earnings or through ill-phrased, ignorant remarks by the leader of our country.

But instead of focusing on what Mr. Obama meant to say, didn’t say, or should have said, many moms are honing in on his insult to stay-at-home moms. For example:

“So next time, Mr. President, please think about all women before you speak – not just the ones that fit your personal model. The choices of stay-at-home moms are indeed the choices we want Americans to make: the choice to put our kids first, the choice to value kids ahead of money, and the choice to spend quality, personal time with our kids. After all, what could be a better choice than actively raising the next generation?” wrote Kristi Burton Brown, a self-professed stay-at-home mom.

At first glance, I agree with that statement — but in taking a closer look, it’s exactly women like Ms. Brown and I that are doing a disservice to stay-at-home moms everywhere. You see, Ms. Brown may claim she is a stay-at-home mom, but a second glance at her bio would tell you that she is an attorney, a regular contributor to The Christian Post, and a volunteer.

I am a woman like Ms. Brown — I call myself a “stay-at-home mom” but really, I’m not. I’m a millennial mom with a whole lot of privilege, an entrepreneur, and a flex employee who has formed a career that still allows me to be the primary caregiver for my family. And I’m not alone. There are many mothers like us — women who are clinging to the ideal of being a stay-at-home mom, but obviously finding other outlets through education, writing, volunteering, or working, that are not solely focused on the hands-on act of raising our children.

The knee-jerk reaction of “stay-at-home moms” like me may be to fall back on the stereotype of holier-than-thou moms who are devoted solely to raising kids 100% of the time, but it’s not exactly an honest glimpse into our lives. In fact, it smells a little like Obama’s stereotypical cracks at being a hapless husband.

If stay-at-home moms want to stand up to a clueless President who is somehow not aware of what parents want or need, we also need to be honest with what our lives as stay-at-home moms look like.

We need to recognize the deeper disparity that Obama alluded to, in that choosing to stay at home with our kids results in a very real economic punishment for wage-earning and financial security over a lifetime — and it shouldn’t be that way.

We need to admit that most mothers — by choice or by necessity — are not full-time stay-at-home mothers and that those that have a true choice are usually supported financially by a spouse.

We need to talk about the fact that the majority of stay-at-home mothers have lower incomes and less education, which may give us a little insight into what Obama might have been trying to say.

We need to demand that stay-at-home moms get more recognition for the very real work that they do, not only in raising the next generation of thinkers, dreamers, and doers, but also in the hundred different roles that stay-at-home mothers take on. “Staying at home” can also mean working in different capacities, like taking care of an aging mother or volunteering at school, or advocating for our special needs children. It can mean slapping a title on myself as a “stay-at-home mom” even though, technically, I make as much money as my husband. It can mean staying at home, but not really, as even Mrs. First Lady herself could technically be labeled a stay-at-home mom who doesn’t work, as Obama himself pointed out.

So, no, let’s not attack the President for his admittedly poor choice of words and instead, start a discussion on what staying at home really means— for our careers, for ourselves, and our children.